On a scale of 1-10 I am consistently a 32 when it comes to energy. On my worst day, I’m a 24. If I dip below 18, call a paramedic, I’m dying.
Most hours of the day, I’m really happy. I’m smiling, laughing, talking - I am doing what the youth call “the most.”
I am the definition of extra. I’m sequins, glitter, sprinkles and red lipstick - when the moment calls for sweats.
Im the level after the next level. I’m all the motivational quotes on repeat.
And nobody believes I’m real. She’s plastic! It’s fantastic! Just aged myself but you’re a real one if you know that reference.
Theres a downside to all this awesome.
I have been mistaken for dumb. Air head. Flighty. Immature. Foolish. Fake.
Ive heard it all. Y’all theres no new negative fake news words I haven’t heard. Try me.
The thing is - this is not a drill. As much as I am a deep thinker sometimes consumed by anxiety, I am the sparkle obsessed, energy igniting, loudly laughing woman that you can hear from miles away. I can be both. It’s possible and real because it’s who I am.
A few years ago, someone told me that I have an energy that draws people to it. I’m someone people want to be around because they want to absorb the shine I bring to the room. I’ve been told a variation of this in the years since and every single time, I am filled with gratitude for the people who understand me and value my intentions. I am humbled to ever be described in such a way.
But for every human that gets my sunshine, there are 100 more who roll their eyes. Who whisper behind my back. Who exchange discreet glances and smirks. Who underestimate me. Openly judge me.
I see those people too. I hear what you aren’t saying. I am not ignorant to your disdain. I just don’t care.
How you choose to see me has very little to do with me, and everything to do with you.
Theres not a single fake thing about me outside of the tanning lotion I not so carefully apply on Sunday nights (who has the patience for that streak free glow?!). I never found the ability to put on a show.
And yet, I am often treated as a show to be enjoyed.
Those who understand I am not an idiot and yet don’t appreciate the magic I bring to the table - they see my sparkle and they want a piece. They try to figure out how I am filled with this energy and how they can attain it.
For my whole life I have either been too much or a source of sparkle for someone to take.
It took me a really long time to figure out for myself that not only am I enough, I am wonderfully incredibly unique and I don’t owe anyone any part of who I am. I am my own. I don’t owe anyone a damn thing. Not an explanation and definitely not my vibe.
Appreciate the people around you that you admire. Accept them for who they want to be. It’s not your job to decide what they are to the world. Take some time to reflect on who you are and how you fit into the space around you. The less you worry about how others should act, the more time you have to focus on the best life for you. You might just find out, the only fake in the room is you.