Something I have learned through all of this therapy is that I have endured a lot. That’s not something I have ever accepted. I have been given a lot so I always minimized anything I’ve been through.
I have existed in absolutes. It is always worse. I have survived. I have a lot. I am alive. I have never considered that it is entirely possible to both be given a lot and suffer a lot. That just because others have it worse, does not mean I have not had it bad.
Life is not made for absolutes. It exists in levels and shades and sometimes maybe.
Learning to say I have suffered is not admitting I am weak. It does not make me broken. It does not make me ungrateful. It is not a request for sympathy.
Saying out loud that I have endured trauma is accepting and understanding why I exist in a world of absolutes. I have never allowed the weight of my world to consume me. I’ve never sat in it, felt it, and thus been able to process it in a healthy way.
I think we all often live in a world of survival. We go through things and block them because it is how we survive. Had I not protected myself the way I have for so many years, I can guarantee you I would not be alive.
Thankfully, I am alive and I plan to be for a very long time. And making the time now to open up, feel the trauma, process it, learn how to stop living in absolutes - that’s whats making me a better me for the long run.
Life is a lot. Make it easier to manage by breaking down your own barriers and challenging the things you find in front of you. Life is a lot, but honestly so am I. I’m a lot of wonderful. And that’s a whole lot of opportunity to do a lot more.