I am a fierce advocate for what is right. For civil rights and human rights and women’s rights and all things equality. And yet I carry with me a deep regret over not speaking up in my own sexual assault. I feel shame for taking the easier route and leaving horrible work situations quietly. I often feel fake. Who am I to say speak up, fight back when I didn’t do the same?
I read a quote recently on Pinterest that hit home. It talked about forgiving yourself for doing what you needed to do to survive.
And that’s what I did. I survived.
I acted and reacted the way I did in every situation because it’s what I needed to do in order to make it through.
The thing is, you don’t owe anyone anything and it’s not your job to do the right thing all the time. You have to survive yourself before you can help others make the same choices.
Its very possible for me to be an advocate now because I learned and I grew and I can be a resource for others.
I didn’t practice what I preach throughout my traumas because I simply couldn’t. Had I done anything differently, I might not have survived.
Its ok to cut yourself a break. You didn’t know. You did what you had to.
Forgive yourself for all of it. You survived. You’re a survivor. Praise yourself for being able to survive and thrive.
Trauma makes you relive everything. From the incident to every single thing you could have should have would have done differently. It’s an endless cycle and often feels like you are experiencing the incident itself all over again.
It doesn’t matter how you survived, only that you did. You do not deserve the shame and guilt associated with how you did so.
Forgiveness is something you owe yourself. If you can forgive others, you can forgive you too.