My toxic trait is that I inherently believe everyone is good. When I meet people, I assume they are just as loyal, positive, kind and generous as I am.
I know, cute naive young(ish) Ashley — are you high?
Everyone is not inherently good. Not everyone has good intentions. Not everyone wants to see the best for others. Not everyone is all the wonderful things we hope they are.
I have been disappointed by this so much in my life — and yet, I haven’t adjusted my beliefs. When I meet new people, I am smiles and welcomes and lets be friends.
Thankfully, most of the people I spend time around I do believe are really good people. At work and in my personal life. But when I do become disappointed by someone who turns out to not be as good as I’d hoped, it hurts. It makes me feel stupid, I get angry with myself and I get frustrated that overall, I’m probably not that great of a judge of character. Because all the characters are unicorns to me.
It hurts because I am such an empath that it’s really hard for me to process that people so bad things on purpose. I like seeing other people do well. I enjoy helping others become the best versions of themselves.
I know what you’re thinking - what a wild ignorant world you live in babe. You might be right that I am choosing to be hurt because I don’t adjust my perspective. But I’m not going to change it.
I prefer to lead with an open heart and hope that everyone I meet has the potential to be great. When that happens to be wrong, as it does at times — I mourn that loss and I remove them from my circle
Often times people that hurt others are not bad people. For whatever reason it can be a mistake, an insecurity, an immaturity — I don’t even believe most people who do bad things are bad people. I do bad things. I say mean things. But when a line is crossed, I am quick to say no more. Never again.
I was cry recently reminded of this trait when I was disappointed by someone. I have gone through all the unkind blame game tactics to myself, I have talked through the situation with a trusted friend and I have let it go. For me that letting go means cutting the person off if it’s a friendship, and keeping things very cordial if it’s a colleague.
I’m sure I’m not the only empath who welcome everyone into this sparkly happy world each time you meet. The moral of this story is to say keep doing what you are doing.
You will be hurt. More than once. Potentially often. But I would rather live in the world as someone who sees good than who assumes bad.
It will feel shameful at times. Embarrassing. You will feel used and frustrated and best yourself up for letting this happen again and again! But just remember, you lead with kindness. The choices others make are their own. Don’t let the world make you hard. Be the one who says I know there’s ugly out there, but have you seen all the good?
I don’t know — maybe I am naive. And maybe that’s ok. I have good instincts when it matters. I am a survivor for myself and others. And I’ve proven that more than once. But for the little things. The introductions and the new coworkers and new friends — I’m going to be ok being called naive. I’ve been called worse. And I’m still smiling.
I guess my toxic trait, my Achilles heel — is that I care too much, I smile too much and I believe in the goodness around me. It could be worse. It could be a whole lot worse than being annoyingly endlessly hopeful.