I’ve been on a spiral taking in all of the news about George Floyd. Of Ahmaud Arbery. Of Breonna Taylor. It’s led me on a million paths of research, of watching protests across the country, pushed me down the Twitter hole, left me watching video after video and post after post. And my heart is broken. I am exhausted. I feel so much pain. And confusion for how these things happen. And they happen. They always have. We just film it now.
I am white. I am experiencing this pain as an outsider. As someone who does not have to feel fear and heartbreak everyday because of the color of my skin. I have never grown up being perceived as less than. I have never had someone cross the street in fear of me. I have never been treated differently by an authority figure. I don’t experience these things because I am white. Nothing is harder for me because of my skin color. Things are in fact generally easier because I am white.
I have always been vocal for equality in all forms. Race, gender, sexuality, I want everyone to have an equal shot. But I was still raised in a world that teaches people white is better than black. Even as a woman and being treated less than a man, I am still a white woman. That makes a difference in the level of inequality I face. The black woman still faces more hardships than I ever will because of her skin color.
I have listened and educated myself and marched and spoken up and I do my very best to be an ally to the black community. But I am still white. I still do not and will not ever know what it is like to be black in America.
I am writing this from the perspective of a white woman. I have no right or claim to tell anyone in the black community how to think, feel, act, or exist right now. What I do want to be is a real ally. A partner for you however I can be.
The white community needs to step up. The police community needs to step up. Because everyone who is too afraid to get political, to take a stance - you are the problem. You are not good. It’s time to realize that your silence is loud acceptance of racism. Because racism exists and it is everywhere.
I am uncomfortable writing about racism and about what happened to George Floyd because I don’t know the right thing to say or do. I don’t want to take away from the community that is suffering. I don’t want to say the wrong thing to a group of people who already suffer everyday.
I hope that the things I have to say today are taken with the respect I mean them. I hope that what I’m trying to express is understood as heartfelt commitment to be better and to loudly encourage others to be better. In all the ways I can do so.
I vow to educate myself as much as possible.
I vow to ask questions and to listen.
I vow to spend more money in black owned businesses
I vow to ensure my feminism is inclusive of the needs of the black woman
I vow to make sure I am also donating to charities that benefit the black community
I vow to speak up for you
I vow to march by your side.
I vow to vote in your interests. And to demand my representatives are always keeping those interests in mind.
Most of all, I vow to be open to being wrong and to be corrected with an open mind. To know that sometimes I do things that do not promote inclusivity, that are insensitive and when you tell me that I do those things — I vow to shut up and listen. And even if I don’t understand, I vow to acknowledge I don’t always have to get it, I can still be wrong. It’s not my experience.
I am an ally to the black community. I see you. I hear you. I stand by you. I’ll stand in front of you if I have to. I will be better for you. I hope that you will be patient and open to showing me how.