My whole life I grew up being told that things could be worse. From a very young age I internalized the idea that I could never complain about my problems because it could always be worse.
As I’ve said before, I grew up very privileged. I’ve never known what it’s like to worry about where I’d sleep, when I’d eat or how I’d pay my bills. Certainly in my 20’s I worked in some low paying jobs and had to choose between paying bills or eating but I have always had a safe home and a support system. If I got really desperate, I could get help.
I have been acutely aware of this privilege my entire life. So I never complained. I sucked it up and I pushed forward. I didn’t ask for help. No matter what the situation, I pack away the problem, handle it myself or ignore it and I move on. Because it can always be worse.
While I think that mentality has allowed me to be extremely resilient, it has also caused me to internalize my very real problems. I am also unable to ask for help when I need it. I associate asking for help as failure.
Thankfully in the last couple years I have started to make a change. I go to therapy, I do the exercises and I’m opening up more to my circle. I’m learning to say I’m not ok, I need your help.
Heres the thing, everyone needs help. Everyone goes through things that require a support system to lean on. Whether that be family, friends, a therapist, medication — we all need help sometimes.
Surely it can always be worse, but that does not mean you are not experiencing trauma. It doesn’t mean you are not allowed to have a hard time or a bad day. I believe in keeping perspective that life can certainly be worse but I am now fully aware that if I ignore my own problems because of that, I am making my life worse.
Asking for help is actually one of the bravest most evolved things you can do as a human. To recognize that you’re in a way and need support to get through it is next level self awareness. It’s also next level problem solving that will help you to thrive in all avenues of your life. In work, relationships, family, everything.
I am learning to say that life is hard, I need some help. And what I’m finding is people are grateful that I’m finally doing so. They’re feeling loved and valued as people I rely on and they’re happy to see I’m not keeping everything in all the time. It’s incredibly scary, I am not always successful at it, and sometimes I keep everything in only to let it all out at the absolute worst time possible. But I am learning. And I am growing.
Life is hard. Privilege doesn’t mean you don’t have hardships. It doesn’t mean you can’t struggle. Life is hard for everyone. The only way to make it easier is to recognize it, ask for help, and build the strength it takes to do that. You got this!