Milton G. Silva taught me everything I know about being a 93 year old man. And while I am not quite at the expert level of his old man ways - I am quickly approaching such an achievement.
How does one become an old man you ask? I'll tell you.
Lose your filter
The older my papa got, the more he said whatever was on his mind. And I'm talking whatever came to mind. Didn't like your attitude? He would tell you. Wasn't a fan of the house wine? You bet he's going to tell you. Truly enjoys frozen waffles? He told me every time he saw me. The point is - if you think it - you can say it. Accidentally let a toot out? Blame it on being 90. No filter. No shame. I've got this covered and I've had this covered since I was 5 years old. I actually physically cannot hold back opinions. It's not my fault.
Complain about how expensive everything is
I never saw anything but milk, tomatoes, and bread in my papa's fridge. If there were any other meals it was because someone brought them to him and physically placed them there. At least twice a week he complained about the cost of something. He never hesitated to tell me how much more things cost than back in his day. And you know what? he's not wrong. In high school I paid like $1.50 a gallon for gas. When I left LA gas was at least $32 a gallon.
Insist kids these days are the worst
Milton never forgot to tell us kids how hard he worked growing up and how hard he continued to work until he passed. Make sure you describe the younger generation as whiners, lazy, and ungrateful. Do not forget to include how many miles you walked uphill in the snow to get to school and or work. I hate the younger millennial crowd. Ya'll are so feelings based and you think you deserve the entire world merely because you were born. You don't. Shut up and get back to work.
Go to bed at 8PM, Wake up at 6AM (Nap in Between)
Old men are exhausted by 7. After jeopardy and Wheel of Fortune, you get your pajamas on and you jump in bed. And then around 6AM, your body will naturally jolt awake. You will accomplish no less than 342 things by Noon and then you will fall asleep in your lounger watching golf. Rinse, and repeat. On weekdays, I'm in bed no later than 9PM. On weekends my body insist on waking at 7AM and I need 12 naps by 2PM.
Express great dissatisfaction towards all new technology
Technology is not to be understood or trusted. It takes too long to learn and you have to constantly call your younger family members to figure out how to make it work. Milt did email for about 20 minutes. I fully believe in this. There's too many apps and I continue to shake my phone like an N64 controller if it doesn't work properly.
Point out all body aches and pains, compare medications with others
Getting old means getting injured. It means arthritis, back pain, and overall feeling the aches and the pains of existing. Papa always had a new bruise and body ache and yet he continued to ride his bicycle almost every day until he was 90. I am 31, I already have all of the injuries and daily aches and pains. I believe I am exceeding expectations here.
Obviously there are more advanced levels to this old man lifestyle. Like grandpa sweaters and boats shoes (check). And being overly protective and proud of your people (check). But I'd like to think for better or worse, I am an 86 year old man and I don't think it's going away anytime soon. Thankfully, Milton G. Silva was the best example and best papa I have ever known and I can't help but smile when I think of him.