Older + Wiser(ish)

Contrary to what you would believe if you looked at me, I am in fact aging. In fact, I’m going to be 40 next year! And while that sounds absolutely wild, it’s also something I’m grateful for.

And yet, even I am not immune to what it’s like aging as a woman in the world. There’s so much pressure to stay hot, look young, be it all. Women are “old” while men are “in their prime.” I hate it. It makes absolutely no sense. But there are times in which I understand it and fear aging too.

My 30’s have been the absolute best years of my life. Truly, my 20’s were fun, but they were a shitshow. My 30’s are where I’ve done the most growing, learning and becoming my best self. I can only hope my 40’s will follow this pattern.

So how was women do we focus on the good parts of aging?

  1. Do you: Plain and simple, do what makes you happy. Stop the noise of “I shouldn’t and I should” and do what brings you joy. Forget the trends, the diets, the cliche advice. Want to wear a mini skirt at 60? Rock it babe. Want to start a new career at 40? Get after it! Refuse to get work done ever? Age gracefully queen. There’s no rules. You’re the one who has to do this journey, don’t do it for anyone else.

  2. Worry less about what others think of us: Ok, yea, this one is the hardest. But actively choosing to block the noise when others have opinions on how we look, what we do - is critical to aging. Because there will always be someone saying we look too something, are wearing something we shouldn’t, that we need Botox — the list goes on. So what. That’s a reflecting of them, not us.

  3. Be an ally: I’m a girl’s girl. I’m going to compliment you in the streets, hype you up at work and give you the hard truth when you need it. Actively choose to lift up other women on their aging journey. Compliment strangers of all ages. Be patient and kind with older and younger folks at work alike. When another woman chooses to age differently than you, support her. Champion other women for choosing what works for them.

  4. Create value for yourself outside of your physical appearance. As we get older, our bodies and looks change. There are going to be times we don’t love that. You have to find value in yourself outside of your physical body. I hope you find ways to love how beautiful you are at every age, but I hope first and foremost you remember the only person it matters you look good for is yourself and what that means to you. And that your looks are the least interesting thing about you.

  5. Find gratitude: It truly is a gift to age. Especially in a world I’ve seen so many friends and family lose that privilege. Learn to be grateful you have the opportunity to age and experience all that comes with. So many don’t have that opportunity.

Aging is wild as hell. I feel like I was both 18 yesterday and 22 last week and that I’m still 24 now. It’s wild to be an age that I used to think was so far beyond my scope that surely I can’t be there yet. And I’ll struggle with that, but I’ll also find ways to live the rest of this life aging with joy.

Another Year Older

...And none the wiser! JK, I learned a lot this year. I'm not a big NYE celebrator in terms of creating resolutions but on my birthday I like to reflect. Aging is such a weird thing in your 30's because you're past all of the critical milestones and there's not another one until 40. And they tell you not to look forward to those.

I'm 33 this year. 32 was a doozy for me. For some reason it really weighed on me more than turning 30 did. I got in my head about achievements and things I should be doing/having at 32 and I can't really explain why.

32 was a year of incredible loss, lessons, and really high highs. I think more than ever I want to celebrate the commitment I've made to myself. I look back and read my blogs of years past and laugh at how much I thought I was prioritizing myself and setting boundaries in the work place. Past Ashley, she didn't know. 

And that's the point. You can't really know any better until you take the chance to be better. Who are you to predict how the future will turn out? All you can do is vow to keep pushing forward so that you do have the opportunity to live better.

And that's what 32 has brought me. A lot of forcing myself to be so uncomfortable that I don't have any other choice but to grow and evolve. If you commit to therapy and really invest in doing the exercises and opening up - you're forced to just face the weird things you go through/feel/do and come out on the other side. For better or worse.

I'd like to think I'm a better me. Certainly I've lost relationships because of it. And to that, I say BYE! Not everyone is comfortable when you go from being the rock to needing support yourself. But being selfish is necessary. The ones who don't appreciate your growth, those aren't your people.

32 man, 32 is my lucky number so even though it was a weird one, I'm sad it's gone.

But cheers to 33 because getting older is an honor, and I'm excited to see what else life is going to bring me! And what else I'm going to bring to myself.

 

 

I am an 86 Year Old Man

Milton G. Silva taught me everything I know about being a 93 year old man.  And while I am not quite at the expert level of his old man ways - I am quickly approaching such an achievement.

How does one become an old man you ask?  I'll tell you.

Lose your filter

The older my papa got, the more he said whatever was on his mind.  And I'm talking whatever came to mind.  Didn't like your attitude?  He would tell you.  Wasn't a fan of the house wine?  You bet he's going to tell you.  Truly enjoys frozen waffles?  He told me every time he saw me.  The point is - if you think it - you can say it.  Accidentally let a toot out?  Blame it on being 90.  No filter. No shame.  I've got this covered and I've had this covered since I was 5 years old.  I actually physically cannot hold back opinions.  It's not my fault.

Complain about how expensive everything is

I never saw anything but milk, tomatoes, and bread in my papa's fridge.  If there were any other meals it was because someone brought them to him and physically placed them there.  At least twice a week he complained about the cost of something.  He never hesitated to tell me how much more things cost than back in his day.  And you know what?  he's not wrong.  In high school I paid like $1.50 a gallon for gas.  When I left LA gas was at least $32 a gallon. 

Insist kids these days are the worst

Milton never forgot to tell us kids how hard he worked growing up and how hard he continued to work until he passed.  Make sure you describe the younger generation as whiners, lazy, and ungrateful.  Do not forget to include how many miles you walked uphill in the snow to get to school and or work.  I hate the younger millennial crowd.  Ya'll are so feelings based and you think you deserve the entire world merely because you were born.  You don't.  Shut up and get back to work.

Go to bed at 8PM, Wake up at 6AM (Nap in Between)

Old men are exhausted by 7.  After jeopardy and Wheel of Fortune, you get your pajamas on and you jump in bed.  And then around 6AM, your body will naturally jolt awake.  You will accomplish no less than 342 things by Noon and then you will fall asleep in your lounger watching golf.  Rinse, and repeat.  On weekdays, I'm in bed no later than 9PM.  On weekends my body insist on waking at 7AM and I need 12 naps by 2PM.

Express great dissatisfaction towards all new technology

Technology is not to be understood or trusted.  It takes too long to learn and you have to constantly call your younger family members to figure out how to make it work.  Milt did email for about 20 minutes.  I fully believe in this.  There's too many apps and I continue to shake my phone like an N64 controller if it doesn't work properly. 

Point out all body aches and pains, compare medications with others

Getting old means getting injured.  It means arthritis, back pain, and overall feeling the aches and the pains of existing.  Papa always had a new bruise and body ache and yet he continued to ride his bicycle almost every day until he was 90.  I am 31, I already have all of the injuries and daily aches and pains.  I believe I am exceeding expectations here.

Obviously there are more advanced levels to this old man lifestyle.  Like grandpa sweaters and boats shoes (check).  And being overly protective and proud of your people (check).  But I'd like to think for better or worse, I am an 86 year old man and I don't think it's going away anytime soon.  Thankfully, Milton G. Silva was the best example and best papa I have ever known and I can't help but smile when I think of him.

 

 

 

 

This is 30.

I've taken 30 really seriously.  It's as if the day I turned 30 I associated myself with being an adult responsible for the rest of the world.  It's irrational, absurd, and absolutely my personality. 

I often say "I can't do that, I'm 30."  Or "I should be doing this, I'm 30."  It makes no sense, I'm no more mature than I was at 29, but for some reason - its an age that resonates with me.  I would like to share with you some of the things I think I can and cannot do now that I'm 30, because its funny - and laughter is my favorite.

  • I can't go out two nights in a row and if we are going out tomorrow I need a nap first
  • That kid is like 12
  • Well I had wine at dinner so I need to stick with wine and can you get me some water to chug in between?
  • Shots?  You want to take shots?  Why don't I just lay in the middle of the street instead and let a bunch of cars run me over.
  • Why are all women wearing shorts that show their butts?  Cover up your special parts mam.
  • What's your healthcare package look like?
  • My back hurts.  My knees hurt. I think I pulled a hamstring walking up those stairs.
  • How much fiber is in this?
  • What kind of vitamins do you take?
  • What does on fleek mean?  Am I saying that right?  Did I use it correctly?
  • Why are these kids so loud?  Turn your music down its 10:00.
  • My entire body hurts from dancing at that wedding last night.
  • Are we going to date or what?  I don't have time to play coy and do that whole "talking thing."
  • I'm an adult if I want to have wine for dinner I damn well can
  • Day drinking is God's gift to 30 year olds.  You drink during the day and go to sleep by 8.  And then you wake up the next day hangover free
  • Should I be married with kids by now?  *Hears crying child* Never mind.
  • When I was in college...
  • Oh you don't want to file papers?  You're 12, you just graduated college, earn your place child.
  • I have heartburn
  • Hey that guys cute - he's 18?  Awesome, I'm a pedophile.
  • It's midnight?  I need to go home.  I should be in bed.
  • Going out is now going to dinner and going home
  • Refuses to drink well or house anything

Let's all take a moment to remember the Ashley in her 20's.  The woman who now seems like a judgmental cranky 90 year old and who used to go to Vegas every day, religiously participate in Sunday Funday, and who you've all watched puke and rally.  May she rest in peace.