A few weeks back, I posted some photos on IG of me in my 20’s where I made a funny comment about drinking and falling down. I’m very open about enjoying my fun in my 20’s. Mostly because I had good clean fun but sure, I drank. I refuse to pretend I never partied. It’s so silly for me to claim I’m perfect, so I don’t try.
That same day, a friend from college (whom I haven’t spoken to in years), slipped into my DM’s to warn me to post smarter because of my new big name employer. Full transparency - really cool dude, not a jerk, not sexist, not a frat child, all around really awesome human. Which is why I was shocked at his DM trying to tell me what kind of content I should or should not post on MY Instagram.
I got this job because I’m good at what I do and because of who I am. The fact that I’ve been drunk in my 20’s hardly qualifies as shocking to my current employer. That however is not my issue.
When I started asking around to my girlfriends about their DM experiences with mansplaining - because honestly - women aren’t slipping into my DM’s telling me how to live my life - I found that it’s really common to have this happen.
Thats really wild to me. That men or anyone really, feel that they have the right to tell anyone else how to live their lives. I’ve made it this far, it’s not by luck either. I didn’t giggle my way through life and just happen to find my way to all the incredible opportunities I’ve had. Don’t insult me by having the audacity to tell me to be smart.
I think I’m doing ok. Better than ok. Don’t remember you along the way putting in the elbow grease pal.
The thing that shocks me further is what men are willing to comment on. Post a sarcastic quote about love? A man is sure to slip into the DM’s to tell you you’re so beautiful why are you so bitter? Share a feminist quote in your stories? Here’s Bob to tell you feminism is about hating men and do you really hate men? Post a selfie? Come on over Jim, please tell me how you think I’m much more attractive with less makeup or brown hair.
Sincerely gentlemen, we don’t care. I’m not sure who taught you that we only have self worth if men validate everything we do, but it’s wrong. Every single day women live our lives really successfully without wondering if Kevin thinks my hair looks sexy today. We build businesses, raise children, I dare say it - we get dressed in the morning without input from you. We certainly don’t need your opinions on something as trivial as our social media.
As a side dish to this - I actually get dressed up for me. Not you. Cool if you think I look good but it’s much more important to me that I think I look good. And if a woman compliments my style? That’s a bigger deal than if a man were to say so.
I cant wait for the men to troll me for this one. But Ashley, not all men are bad. If you were less opinionated about things like this, more men would be interested in you. Fuck off bro. If I have to explain those to you, we’ve got bigger problems and I’d like to unsubscribe from that level of insanity.
What I’ll say to stop all of this is - mind your own business. This one is for everyone - men and women. We all have bigger things to do than provide play by play commentary on everyone else’s lives.
My life exists in a really dope place without your input. I promise, I’ll make it through each and everyday without your suggestions on how I could do it better.
Instead of taking the time to issue an opinion on how someone else chooses to do anything, turn that effort back on your own world and what you’re doing so wrong that you think you have the authority to speak to anyone else’s life.
Men. Women are having a moment. We are angry because you won’t shut up about how we are angry. We’ve spent a really long time being told to look, act, feel a certain way. And we got tired. Excuse us if we come off a bit harsh (or don’t, we don’t care), but we don’t owe you an explanation for why we think it’s absolutely insane you need to tell us anything about our own lives.
Spend less time telling us how to exist and more time asking us how you can help us thrive. We will thrive. Best to learn how to do so along side us. Otherwise, we will leave you in the dust. And get your own broom.