Fairytales

People are complicated. That’s the understatement of a lifetime. And yet, for the most part, I’m not sure it’s something we internalize and process in a realistic manner.

Growing up my life seemed like an idyllic fairy tale. I’m from a small wealthy suburban town where getting a car for your 16th birthday is expected. I was thin, pretty, an athlete, an A student and I had two involved parents who provided me with everything I ever needed and more.

Yet everyone has a story. In fact I’d say everyone has a few stories that intertwine to create a choose your own adventure of complications.

I am certainly not immune to that. My story is made up of traumas and joys and rock bottom and everything in between. Having all the things, the idyllic life, does not make for an actual fairy tale.

In 2020, when the world is overrun by a pandemic, civil unrest, an election year, and who could forget - murder hornets, I think reminding everyone that everyone you meet has a whole bunch of stories to tell is how we will survive.

I will credit 2020 with a lot of things and making me more empathetic is the greatest one.

As I am challenging friends to rethink political and social views, I’m also reminding myself that their story before this time has shaped who they are now. So be patient when demanding change.

When I am frustrated with the people at work who just don’t get that life isn’t worth the 24/7 hustle, I remember that some people turn to overwork to survive. I detach myself from those people and wish them well.

The point is, everyone has an intricate set of stories and experiences that make up who they are. These life learnings are what guide their reactions, opinions, words and overall make them who they are when they are with others.

Have a moment of patience more when your first instinct is rage, or judgment or fear. Remind yourself that you have no idea what this person has endured. Or not endured. Both ends of the spectrum shape the way a person experiences life.

I don’t always get it right when it comes to engaging with people in 2020, and I realistically won’t ever get it right 100% of the time. But I am committed to being 1% better so that I can hopefully be a more impactful person for the causes I am passionate about.

We all want to matter and feel heard. We also all want to be able to create meaningful connections and leave lasting impressions on this Earth for the short time we walk it. The best way to do those things is to lead with empathy. And to remember, everyone has a story. Perhaps 100 stories. It’s not your job to understand them, read them, or even author them. And yet, wouldn’t it be cool if one of their stories included the way in which you chose to show them they matter?

Fairy Tale Endings

I don't believe that life always works out in the end.  I don't believe that if you work hard, you're a good person, that life automatically hands you the happy ending.  No matter what you do, how amazing you are, sometimes life is unfair.  You don't get the dream job.  You don't find your life partner.  You may not beat cancer.  But I do believe that even when life is hard, even if you don't get that fairy tale ending, life is worth living to its best potential.

While this may seem like a really negative outlook, when you really think about it, it's actually an extremely positive way to live your life.  I'm saying that there are no guarantees in life, you're not owed that dream ending.  But if you choose to celebrate the good things that do happen along the way, at the end of the day, you are living your best fairy tale.

If you simply wait until the end to have your fantasy come true - you're missing the entire point of what a good life is.  A good life is not 75 years of working towards your dreams and then only having maybe 10-15 years to enjoy those things.  Life is for enjoying the things that happen to you as they occur.  The dream is having a life you're able to find joy in every single day.  

So how do you live your fairy tale now?

Be Present

Pay attention to your life every second of the day.  Something I've been doing lately is pausing every hour to regroup and if I need to, give myself a minute of joy doing something that I know relaxes me.  I'm trying to look less at where I want to be in 5 years and more at where I want to be in 5 minutes so that I'm able to truly be conscious of my life as it happens.  

Celebrate the Small Things

Big promotions and personal milestones are absolutely worth popping bottles for - but so are the days you make it through by purely surviving.  You're not going to experience life altering achievements every day.  But you are going to experience little things every day that make you smile.  That's a win.  Celebrate those.  Eat a donut, go on a walk, get a manicure - do something to celebrate!

Be Mindful

If you're unable to carve out small moments for yourself or you're not finding any moments of joy in your life.  You need to make a change.  Every single day is not going to be a good day.  Some are positively terrible.  But if there is not one single moment you can step away and breathe or smile at least once - you need to take steps for a new life. You don't get to do life twice.  Make sure you aren't wasting too much time in a situation that makes you miserable.

Be Realistic

Reality TV sets these unrealistic standards for life.  Stop comparing the way you live and who you are to the lives of people in the media.  you're only seeing half their story and quite frankly, their stories are not the norm.  Figure out what your happy looks like and shoot for that.  I can't afford to leave my job and travel full time right now.  But I can afford to plan trips until full time travel becomes a reality one day.  Baby steps.  Be realistic.    

At the end of the day, happy is available to you every single day.  The fairy tale is all around you waiting to be had.  If you take the time to adjust your understanding of what a dream life looks like, you'll realize 90 years of every day magic moments are better than 75 years of misery to only "live your fantasy" for 10-15 years max.  The happy ending is a life full of smiles.