A big part of my growth this past year has been learning to call myself out on my own bullshit. Getting really honest with myself without the BS has truly been the most difficult part of growing up and taking control of my own journey.
I'm really hard on myself. There's nobody out there who judges me and pushes me more than me. Chances are if someone has thought something negative about me, I've thought of 400 other things on top of that. But I also have a tendency to shut out others and place blame where it doesn't belong. What I've learned from all of this is that I am the only one responsible for my happiness and my situation. Regardless of how anyone else treats me, whatever may happen to me - it's on me to clear the BS and move forward.
Let's talk examples. If you've got a friend who repeatedly shows you they're not that great of a friend - yet you keep going back expecting a different result - that's on YOU not on that friend. Sure, they might be a jerk, but clear the BS you tell yourself about how they treat you and how you don't deserve it, and walk away. YOU are creating the negative situation by allowing someone to treat you in a negative way.
What about things out of your control? Illness, injury, layoffs, crime, etc. Certainly these things are horrifying and not your fault. But if you wallow and choose to say "I didn't deserve this" and focus on an unfair situation, that's on you. That's feeding yourself BS and excusing yourself from takin responsibility. Life is often really unfair, but choosing to live in a negative space because of that - that's on you. And its caused by you.
We all do it. We all feed ourselves BS for one reason or another. We say I cant workout today because we are too tired, we excuse our negative attitude because we've had a hard week at work, we spend money we don't have because "we deserve a treat." It's kind of part of life to feed yourself the bullshit and to believe in it. But for most of us, there's that little voice in the back of our head that says, this is bullshit and you know it. That voice is the one I choose to listen to.
I've had the most challenging time in my life in the past year and it forced me to confront that voice. It forced me to get really honest with myself and realize that I can't control the uncontrollable, I cant feel bad for myself because of how others choose to live their lives, I cannot get anywhere by blaming bad work situations. I realize that none of these things are my fault - but what is my fault is choosing to let these things control my happiness.
It's been extremely difficult to confront the control freak in me, to look at that little brat in the eye and say - not today Satan! It's been eye opening really freaking unpleasant to face my own BS and to stop allowing it to excuse my mood or my behavior. It's retraining my entire way of thinking and it's not easy. But what I've learned is that it relieves a lot of stress and unnecessary emotions when I'm real with myself. I'm already living wit anxiety so being able to take a little bit of that unnecessary stress away is huge. When I do have successful days that are BS free, I am happier, healthier, and able to have a better quality of life.
So how do you become Zen and perfect like me you ask? You call yourself out. On everything. Don't let yourself slide on any of the bullshit you feed yourself. Don't want to workout? Don't blame your job or your 34 year old back injury that's fully healed, just say I don't want to workout. Don't blame your boss for hating your job and being miserable. Change your attitude or change your situation. Keep it 100% with yourself. And from doing so, you'll learn a lot about yourself and what makes you happy. And you'll eventually learn how to live your best life.
Ditch the BS and take a chance on being responsible for your everyday happiness. I promise it's the hardest most miserable thing ever, but when you finally start to see results, it's a powerful feeling.