I've spent a lot of time in work environments that were unhealthy. Between working 24/7, being verbally harassed, and colleagues pitted against each other - I've never been part of a work culture that I enjoyed. Being in sports I mostly assumed this was what I was going to have to deal with if I chose to stay in the entertainment events world. But I also knew that I couldn't sustain a life where I felt exhausted, discouraged, and physically unhealthy.
Flash forward to February of 2016. I was yet again in a position that wasn't fulfilling and an environment that made me miserable. At this point I even started to think I may be the problem. I had been unhappy in my new role since about the second month I arrived. I began looking for a new job about month three. And in month six - I was "laid off due to budget concerns." Realistically it was the only way they could get rid of me because technically I was doing a great job but I was pushing back against the culture and the role that was not as promised. As stressful as it was to be in the position I was in, I felt relief not having to go back to that job for one more day.
The day I was let go I made myself a promise. I was going to focus my efforts on finding a role with a company that was the right fit culturally. I was going to ask more questions, do more research and refuse to settle until it felt right. I was turned down for jobs I thought were perfect and I turned down jobs that would have been just fine but weren't going to provide me the environment I craved.
Six months later I accepted a position with a company that I spent a good four weeks interviewing with. I researched the company on Glassdoor, I reached out to contacts and learned firsthand what the company was like to be at, and I asked the questions they say you're not supposed to ask in interviews. I made it clear a work life balance was important to me. I spoke openly about my past environment issues and emphasized the importance of being somewhere with a culture I believed in and felt valued in. And when four weeks later, on Christmas Eve, when I was offered the position - the way in which it was offered - the offer itself that the team worked hard to be able to offer me - the emphasis on how even though the other candidate has more direct agency experience but they felt a better connection with me - everything about it felt right.
Almost three months later I still feel that same confidence in the choice I made. From day one the responsibility I've been given, the way in which my personal time is respected, the way people interact with each other - is a complete 180 from anything I've ever experienced in a company. I work a lot, especially with my travel schedule recently, but I don't feel the same emotional exhaustion that I've dealt with in the past. The standards are high, the expectations even higher, the level of talent in one place is above and beyond anywhere I've been - and it creates a level of trust, competition, and excitement that makes coming to work fun. My days fly by and are often chaotic, but I'm never bored and I'm always learning.
Sure, it's early in the game. I've made the mistake of thinking things were rainbows and unicorns too early before. And this could be something that doesn't workout. But now that I know the possibility of happiness at work is a thing - I'm even more determined to stick with my never settle mentality. Because its not me. I am good at what I do, I'm a MF delight to be around, and I work hard. Of course I still have a little PTSD and have my moments of doubt in myself. And no, contrary to popular belief, I am not perfect, I screw up. I still stress myself out for no reason. And I am learning to get my confidence back in who I am at work. But all the abuse, the misery, the years of never giving up - they're worth it. My journey isn't traditional. My path is often lonely. But it's something I fiercely believe in and each day of happiness reinforces my belief that the dream is worth fighting for.
Whatever the dream job and environment is for you - it's out there. It's not easy to find. It's often long and exhausting. But giving up, taking the easy road, staying in the bad situation - that's not how you achieve the dream. Don't give up. Don't stop showing up. And don't ever let anyone keep you from what makes your soul shine.