Recently I sat in on a talk about diversity and inclusion. A woman spoke about her experience as the only woman in a male dominated office environment and the things often difficult positions she found herself in as a result of that. During one particular situation, one of her male colleagues stood up for her in a small but powerful way. And she never forgot that because he made her feel like she had an ally.
I have often spoke about some similar situations in the workplace. Similarly, in my experience, the fact that I felt so alone is what made the situation feel so awful. I never had anyone who stood up for me.
Feeling alone for being different is a really scary thing to deal with. We all have differences that make us self conscious or hyper aware of what is making us different than everyone else in the room. Instead of making someone feel badly for those differences, celebrate them. Everyone deserves to feel accepted. What makes us different is also what makes us uniquely ourselves.
The most important thing I know in life is that just because I am not like someone else does not mean I cannot empathize with their struggles.
The lesson of this being to show up for people as an ally. Be brave enough to make people feel included at work, at home, in social settings. It may seem like a very small thing but it can change someone’s life and create a cycle of positive inclusive behavior in the world.
Imagine how uncomfortable you feel when you feel like you’re standing out in a negative way. I think about how I’ve been treated as the only woman in some spaces and how worthless I felt as a result of the actions and words of others. I know what it’s like to be put into situations where you’re valued as less than everyone else in the room. I don’t want anyone else to feel that way (that whole empathy thing).
It often takes very little to speak up but has a profound effect on the life of someone else.
When you’re in situations that are uncomfortable or you see others feeling uncomfortable, speak up. Especially when something is not right. When someone is being belittled for their differences, speak up.
Outside of speaking up, be an active participant in being part of the solution. That way, when the time comes to speak up, you’re more empowered to do so.
How to Educate Yourself/Be an Everyday Ally
Communicate
The easiest way to educate yourself is to speak to people who are different than you. People who have differences you have never experienced. Ask them about their experiences. And listen. Actively sit back and listen. When you have questions, ask them. The point is to go into these conversations with an open mind and a willingness to learn and be vulnerable with your own misunderstandings.
Support Minority Businesses
Actively choose to not only shop local, but shop local in communities you don’t identify with. Read books by women. Shop at a black owned business. Eat at an LGBTQ owned restaurant. Attend a Latin art show. Find ways to consume goods and engage in events that are sponsored and put together by those in minority communities. I say minority specifically because a lot of the world is run by white men, you’re already supporting those businesses essentially every single day.
Write a List
Sit down and write a list of the things that provide you privilege and write a list about the things that make you different. It’s two fold in understanding what areas in life you don’t struggle in simply because of how you were born. It’s also about facing areas that make you insecure and imagining how others may feel because of differences they were born with. This step teaches you compassion.
Separate Fact from Fiction
Do your research on things like Black Lives Matter, gay marriage, transgender lives. Don’t participate in headlines and what you hear in the media. Actively form your own opinions based on what these people really face and why their messages are so important. We have got to stop participating in the culture of misinformation and outrage because its cool. Do your homework.
Consume Media that doesn’t make you the hero
Look for movies, books, music, art that features people who are not like you. White? Find a movie that makes a black person the hero. Straight? Find books featuring LGBTQ romances. I’m not saying give up media you enjoy, just expand your experiences.
There are so many ways to be an ally. Everyone in the world wants to feel included and celebrated for what makes them different. Don’t forget that there’s power in being the person who stands up for that. One day you may need someone to stand for you.