The Evolution of an Activist

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about activism. It’s no secret that if you’ve known me for a long time, I’ve greatly evolved into someone who is spending a lot of time on educating myself and being more active in social justice.

I would say that I’ve always considered myself relatively aware but certainly not openly outspoken on things like Black Lives Matter, sexual assault, immigration - the list goes on.

And therein lies the problem.

I have been passively active instead of fiercely an advocate for others.

Obviously growing up I experienced life in a sheltered and less diverse space. A lot of the problems of the people in society that deal with everyday racism, sexism, and hate never really affected me. Or so I thought.

In reality, it’s been everywhere around me, I just existed in a place of privilege and lack of information to really acknowledge the problem. I was part of the problem.

Realizing that I have actively been part of the problem by passively being part of the solution has been an awakening for me.

I think over the years as I decided to embrace myself, confront my traumas, and trust who I am rather than who people always told me I am; I started to feel a deep need to stop hiding in my privilege.

That has led to some people speaking to me about how much “I’ve changed.” How I’m “angry" and “not accepting of other beliefs.”

I would argue that each and every one of those accusations is true. And I’m so proud that they are.

I have changed. It was about time. I am a citizen of the world and just because I’ve been dealt a better hand than some others does not mean I shouldn't use that hand to extend to another.

I am angry. I’m really angry that in 2020 we are so behind in basic humanity. I am so angry children are in cages, Black men and women are being killed by the police and that women are being raped and the attackers are called “one of the good guys.”

I am not only unwilling to accept anyone who disagrees with these things, I am openly going to call you out on these horrific practices and how you are contributing to the problem.

And I make no apologies for the new me.

You don’t owe anyone an explanation for how you choose to grow, evolve and become a better person. You don’t have to explain why, you don’t have to prove metrics, you don’t have to do anything but evolve. Because anyone who chooses not to evolve is not someone who is on a path to better themselves.

It’s taken awhile for me to understand who I want to be and what I want to be to the people around me and to this world. That’s included pissing off, confusing, and losing some friends and family. And it’s sad, of course it is. To say I’ve never stopped to say “am I on the right path” to myself would be a lie. But every single time the answer is yes.

I am on the right path. I am working to change the world, even if it’s just one tiny piece of that world for even one person.

I’m evolving. I will always be evolving. I’m learning and I’m sitting in uncomfortable situations, I’m having the hard conversations and I’m confronting the things that I am doing wrong while unlearning how I got to that place.

The person I am now is someone I deeply deeply love and feel pride in. I light up when I talk about things like equality, how to help survivors of sexual assault, anti-racism, fixing our broken political system, women’s rights to our bodies — these are the things that I talk faster about, raise my voice and shake my fists and make my heart beat fast. I do believe we can make changes in my lifetime. Even little ones.

The person I am now is also not for everyone. If she’s not for you, grab onto some sparkle fumes on your way to the back because I plan to keep marching on; with or without your support.

How to Be an Ally

Recently I sat in on a talk about diversity and inclusion. A woman spoke about her experience as the only woman in a male dominated office environment and the things often difficult positions she found herself in as a result of that. During one particular situation, one of her male colleagues stood up for her in a small but powerful way. And she never forgot that because he made her feel like she had an ally.

I have often spoke about some similar situations in the workplace. Similarly, in my experience, the fact that I felt so alone is what made the situation feel so awful. I never had anyone who stood up for me.

Feeling alone for being different is a really scary thing to deal with. We all have differences that make us self conscious or hyper aware of what is making us different than everyone else in the room. Instead of making someone feel badly for those differences, celebrate them. Everyone deserves to feel accepted. What makes us different is also what makes us uniquely ourselves.

The most important thing I know in life is that just because I am not like someone else does not mean I cannot empathize with their struggles.

The lesson of this being to show up for people as an ally. Be brave enough to make people feel included at work, at home, in social settings. It may seem like a very small thing but it can change someone’s life and create a cycle of positive inclusive behavior in the world.

Imagine how uncomfortable you feel when you feel like you’re standing out in a negative way. I think about how I’ve been treated as the only woman in some spaces and how worthless I felt as a result of the actions and words of others. I know what it’s like to be put into situations where you’re valued as less than everyone else in the room. I don’t want anyone else to feel that way (that whole empathy thing).

It often takes very little to speak up but has a profound effect on the life of someone else.

When you’re in situations that are uncomfortable or you see others feeling uncomfortable, speak up. Especially when something is not right. When someone is being belittled for their differences, speak up.

Outside of speaking up, be an active participant in being part of the solution. That way, when the time comes to speak up, you’re more empowered to do so.

How to Educate Yourself/Be an Everyday Ally

Communicate

The easiest way to educate yourself is to speak to people who are different than you. People who have differences you have never experienced. Ask them about their experiences. And listen. Actively sit back and listen. When you have questions, ask them. The point is to go into these conversations with an open mind and a willingness to learn and be vulnerable with your own misunderstandings.

Support Minority Businesses

Actively choose to not only shop local, but shop local in communities you don’t identify with. Read books by women. Shop at a black owned business. Eat at an LGBTQ owned restaurant. Attend a Latin art show. Find ways to consume goods and engage in events that are sponsored and put together by those in minority communities. I say minority specifically because a lot of the world is run by white men, you’re already supporting those businesses essentially every single day.

Write a List

Sit down and write a list of the things that provide you privilege and write a list about the things that make you different. It’s two fold in understanding what areas in life you don’t struggle in simply because of how you were born. It’s also about facing areas that make you insecure and imagining how others may feel because of differences they were born with. This step teaches you compassion.

Separate Fact from Fiction

Do your research on things like Black Lives Matter, gay marriage, transgender lives. Don’t participate in headlines and what you hear in the media. Actively form your own opinions based on what these people really face and why their messages are so important. We have got to stop participating in the culture of misinformation and outrage because its cool. Do your homework.

Consume Media that doesn’t make you the hero

Look for movies, books, music, art that features people who are not like you. White? Find a movie that makes a black person the hero. Straight? Find books featuring LGBTQ romances. I’m not saying give up media you enjoy, just expand your experiences.

There are so many ways to be an ally. Everyone in the world wants to feel included and celebrated for what makes them different. Don’t forget that there’s power in being the person who stands up for that. One day you may need someone to stand for you.

Women at Work

In a previous role, I experienced quite a bit of harassment. It was an old boys club through and through. Led by the most insecure and unprofessional manager I have ever had. I lasted about a year and a half before I finally spoke up and confided in another man in the company what I had been experiencing outside of the normal “bad boss” situations.

And you know what happened? He went directly to that manager and the next day, I was called in and they let me go. Sure - they knew they were in the wrong, so money was exchanged as a “severance” of sorts, but realistically, we all knew what it was.

Unfortunately - I think this is a commonplace in many industries. The behavior or men and the way women are treated is often excused. Women are told we are manufacturing these situations, overreacting, or blatantly lying. And I think even worse than the men who commit these acts are the men who watch it happen and say nothing.

I lost all respect for the man who had an opportunity to help right a wrong and instead chose to participate in making it worse. He is part of the problem.

More and more we talk about a see something say something mentality. I don’t think we are there yet. I’d love to believe we are, but I just don’t see enough men stepping up to say woah, this is wrong. And so the cycle continues. Especially in industries dominated by men.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve sat in a room as the only woman and listened to men make inappropriate comments, gestures - and not one other man said anything.

You would think in today’s world, men would start to stand up. Especially because there are so many good men out there who believe in equality.

I watched the Dallas Mavericks allegations unfold and it gave me hope. The women who came forward are so brave. I wish I had done the same, but I didn’t.

Seeing more and more people take a stand against inequality and harassment in the workplace gives me so much hope for future generations. It’s exhausting to be a woman at work. We are paid less, hold less executive positions, and often receive less respect in general. Anything that we can do to start to say (and show) this won’t fly - we should be doing those things.

In my own way — when I’m working with vendors, I try to make sure I’m doing so with companies that are ethical. If I see a post on LinkedIn from a vendor that conveys a poor image or represents ignorance, I’ll make a mental note not to work with them. Because ethics in business matter to me.

At the end of the day you shouldn’t have two different identities - work and play. If you’re a sexist bigot at work, that’s who you are in life. The man who chose to handle my situation the way he did, he’s not a good person. You don’t get to excuse who you are at work as “just business.”

I believe women make up 51-53% of the population right now — so the more we speak up, the more you should too. If only to understand, there are more of us and we are angry. We won’t be silenced. Who run this?

Girls.