I have been the rock for everyone my entire life. Whether that’s something people realize or not, I am always the one you can count on to be there. And to be able to handle anything you give to me.
When I look around, I have some incredible people in my life and yet I have often felt alone. Not necessarily by any fault of those same people but because I’m not sure I ever took the time to figure out what I needed from others to feel that same support.
As a result of that — when I am overwhelmed I will pull back and go radio silent. I will retreat and become really antisocial, often feeling alone. Again, not because anyone has made me feel that way, but because I’ve experienced a lot of shit in life — I carry a heavy weight at times. I never want to be a burden and I often fear unloading my heavy life on others is doing just that.
Given we are in a global pandemic, I’ve had heavy feelings. And yes, you guessed it, I’ll go radio silent. A friend recently — and for the first time I can remember hearing from anyone in a long time — kept reiterating that I am not alone. None of us are. She had found a way to respect my boundaries of needing time alone with reminding me that I’m not doing this alone.
For the first time in my life — that is something I’m adding to the “this is something I need” bucket. It’s something I need people to remind me. I need my rocks to remind me I am not alone.
What an oddly simple thing that I hadn’t really thought of in that way. But I’m thinking about it now. And it’s what I want moving forward. So I will ask for it.
Maybe that’s a weird thing to resonate so profoundly but it does. Figure out what resonates with you and don’t settle for a world without it.