I Bet You Think This Song Is About You

...Because it should be.

For a really long time, I never asked anyone for anything. I've always given everything I have to friends and family because loyalty is number one for me. That means when you need me, I'm there.

That also means people got used to being able to go to me for support and I'd never ask for anything in return.

I've grown to realize how unhealthy and unrealistic that is. The point of having friends and family is being able to go to them for the support you need.

So in recent years I've started asking for time and attention to help me manage my emotions. And it's been really frustrating.

People are so used to me never needing them that they aren't very good at managing the me that does. I spend a lot of time feeling overwhelmed because the conversation constantly goes back to them. They respond with a comparison to something they're going through. And the focus shifts from me back to them.

I can't really blame them for needing some time to adjust to me being someone who needs the reciprocated attention. Except I'm finally to a place where I feel like I can.

I can demand time and attention. I can make it about me. I can expect that sometimes it's all about me, and nothing about you. And I can walk away if you cannot accept that.

If you notice me pulling away from our relationship, it's not me, it's you. And the constant unawareness that everything we talk about, relates to you.

It's not selfish, it's friendship. It's partnership. It's equal care.

I invest a lot of time and energy into the people I care about. I truly feel what you feel. I probably invest too much emotion into the people around me. I take loyalty to an extreme level. If you're hurting, I'm hurting. If you're dealing with money troubles, I feel that stress too.

I'm in a place that I finally understand and acknowledge I'm a good person and a great friend to have.

Now that I understand how lucky my squad is to have me, I want to have that same care and loyalty to me. I want to know you're on my team.

Listen to what I have to say. Let me know you get what I'm telling you. You appreciate I'm trusting you with my feelings. And spend time letting me be the focus.

I highly suggest everyone take some time to think about how they engage with and support those they love. Are you a good listener? Do you make time for your people to come to you and have the conversation be entirely about them? Do you insert your feelings into the conversation? Do you constantly flip it back to something you experienced? Become aware of what kind of support system you are for the people who support you.

We all need a team to keep us going. Having a team that gets you are important is the only way to succeed in life. Make it about you when you need it. Step into the frame and be the focus. It's ok, sometimes this song is about you. And it damn well should be.

The Briefest of Introductions

The first 21 years of my life were spent within an hour radius of where I was born and raised.  Outside of a brief year and a half spent 5 hours away (and doing a lot of partying and irresponsible activities, sorry Grandma!) - I never left the bubble that raised me.  

I had your standard suburban life.  The two parents, 2 kids and a dog.  My family has always been incredibly close and while we are far from perfect, I was always provided for.  We are overachievers and we are fiercely loyal to our own. I'm also lucky enough to have grown up within an hour of most of my extended family.  The bubble that raised me.

In December of 2012 I took a leap of faith and moved 1,000 miles away to a city where I had never been, knew not a soul, and that had drastically different climate than I was used to.  Snow is cute and all - until there's a white out and your car is in four feet of snow and you bought the small ice scraper at Home Depot.  I digress - it was this move that defined who I am today.  The confidence that making that move gave me has completely changed who I am. I'm no longer the girl who never left her bubble, I'm the girl who takes risks, who speaks her mind, who believes in dreams coming true.  Since that move I've lived in two other cities far from home and each time I gain more confidence and grow more than I ever thought possible.  Because of that move I'm a fighter, a survivor and a woman who gets shit done.

I've gone through a lot in these 30 glorious years of life - but I'm thankful for the experiences that define me.  Just know I'm a badass, sparkling, adventurous, loving, loyal to the core, always laughing, sometimes swearing (usually at the 49ers) lady of leisure. 

So where am I today?  Today, I'm between adventures.  My next move? Hopefully back to where it all began.  Buckle up, it's about to get exciting (and probably a little weird).

...To be Continued...