When I was offered my dream job a few years back - I thought it was the beginning of everything I'd worked and sacrificed for out of college. It was all the late nights, long trips, menial tasks, biting my tongue - all coming back to say this is why I sacrificed my health and my time and my life for a good five years.
And it was my dream job. It was a role that put me in a field I'm deeply passionate about and allowed me the independence and creativity to take risks and expand my knowledge. I was able to plan events and trips I'd once dreamed I'd be able to do. I existed as a separate entity with a lot of authority to make decisions and take risks. Sure - I had the small annoyances and red tape all jobs have - but I can honestly say I felt like I was doing what I had dreamed of.
But while the job was my dream - the environment was not. Between sexual harassment, bullying, belittling, witnessing blatant illegal activity - it was a nightmare. The things I saw and heard and directly experienced were far beyond anything I could ever imagine. And I put up with it for awhile. I kept quiet and tried to blend in. I ignored that women were disrespected and treated differently and I smiled when executives blatantly berated staff.
And yes - those of you who know me - you're right - that lasted a good ten minutes. I was born with an intense need to speak up. I've tried to be one of those people who can sit back quietly, but I failed every time. So I pushed back. I spoke out. When I couldn't take it anymore - I made formal accusations and knew HR wouldn't help me. It's hard to expect HR to help when HR is largely involved in the problem. I knew that my dream job wasn't worth sacrificing my mental health anymore.
So when I spoke up - I was obviously approached and we discussed how I wasn't a good fit anymore for the culture. And they're right. We parted on mutually agreeable terms - and I felt the biggest relief of my life never having to go back. To give you some context - 75% of the company has left in the past year. So we aren't just talking normal office shenanigans. We are talking hidden lawsuits, carefully worded news articles - and a lot of "severance pay."
And I'm so incredibly thankful for that experience. I was put in situations where I was asked to do the impossible. I was verbally abused, made physically uncomfortable, among a long list of ridiculous things. But through those experiences I've gained confidence, the ability to problem solve under the highest levels of stress, and developed a level of excellence in what I do that is hard to match.
I've learned what kind of leader I never want to be. I've learned to treat everyone in the workplace with respect. I've learned to make an effort to show I value each person in each department because without them we can't be whole. And I've learned it's better to walk away from your dream job than to give up your dream of being a good person.
But it was my dream job. Truly I wonder if I'll ever find that position ever again. Would I ever go back? No. Not for all the money in the world, not for promises of change. Not ever. But I am a better business woman and human being because of what I went through. The relationships I formed in that time are people that will be my friends for the rest of my life. They've become confidants, references, and people I look to for advice in the business world.
When I speak to new companies about my next move - I'm able to be pickier, focus more on culture, and I'm rarely ever flustered in an interview. It's hard to throw me off my game because of the challenges I was given in my previous role. I also know my value, and I'm not afraid to let my work speak for itself. I continue to focus on my relationships and building strong honest partnerships with the people around me.
And you know what I've learned? As much as that organization tried to break me - it failed. I'm valued in my industry, I've got a reputation for working hard and being someone who will not compromise my ethics. The lesson learned is that you can plan your dream job as much as you want, but it won't always turn out like the picture in your head. You can either crumble from the disappointment or you can use the pivotal moment to create a new path. I'm choosing to accept the adventure and see where it takes me.