Career Corner: Another Update

For the first time in my career, I want to stay with my company. I’ve been at Google Cloud about 15 months and I want to stay.

In the past, I’ve worked in industries that make it hard to grow within an organization. Often you have to be willing to move to a new team or school in order to be promoted or grow. At Google, I have the opportunity to create my own path in a sense. And that’s terrifying.

My entire career has been carefully crafted. I’ve worked really hard to set myself up for success and I’ve moved all over the country to make that happen.

Google was an out of the blue thing for me. It came to me. Which still blows my mind. But it did. And it wasn’t on my plan. It wasn’t a role I wanted, it wasn’t in a city I considered living in, nor an industry I ever thought of diving into.

And it was the best thing that ever happened to my career.

Because my plan is essentially out the window and I’m in an industry, role, and city I never thought I’d be in, I’m spending a lot of time figuring out what my next steps are. I’ve got to create a whole new plan for what’s next. I am essentially existing in an “I have no idea what my 5 year career plan is” for the first time since I hopped out of the womb.

It’s exciting and terrifying. I’m a driven woman. I am always thinking of the next promotion and the next challenge. And yet never before have I been at a company that I see myself growing in long term. I certainly don’t know what that growth looks like yet, but I am spending a whole lot of time figuring it out.

When you’re looking to grow with a company, I’ve got some advice:

1. Transparency: I work at a company that values transparency, so this is a lot easier for me. But I have been up front with my manager, her manager - to other leaders within my team - I’ve been open with everyone about my intentions to grow. I think that can often feel counterproductive and scary because you’re risking people thinking they shouldn’t invest in you because you’re looking to leave; but it is also ensuring I don’t have any shady discussions that position me in a negative light. In my current position, I find it critical to have those open discussions in order to see what is possible on the team I’m on.

2. Networking: I’m very into networking in my company, but I also prioritize authentic relationships. I’ve been spending time meeting with various colleagues to ask about their journey at Google and what their teams look like. They don’t even have to be roles or teams I’m interested in, it's about building valuable connections with people I work with on a daily basis and learning as much as possible about the organization I plan to build a future in. Again be authentic. Don’t go into those conversations expecting someone to do something for you. Build a real connection and ensure that you’re making it valuable or at least convenient for the other person.

3. Do good work: The best networking you can do is be good at what you do. I have a reputation for being hardworking, and relentlessly committed to excellence. It’s who I am and it’s how I operate in business. Nothing will serve me better than being able to show that I’m a great person to work with. You can know the CEO but if you aren’t a hard worker or good at what you do, it doesn’t matter. Your work is your brand, what do you want it to say?

I’m not sure what’s next, and that is terrifying. I’m not 22 anymore. I’m established in my experience with a strong resume - but I am proof that with a lot of hard work, good relationships and a willingness to take a risk - you can make a drastic change and it can all workout. I don’t know what’s next but I do know I can do anything, and that’s all that matters!

Career Corner: Some Advice

It has been a minute since I’ve provided any sort of career advice!

Something I’ve been working on in my own career journey lately is making myself a differentiator. What that means is what can you do to make yourself stand out at work so that when it is time for raises, promotions, and bonuses - you are at the forefront of management’s mind?

Here’s what I’m doing.

Master your role

First and foremost you need to be a master of your role. This should be your number one priority at all times. You cannot expect to be rewarded for anything until you know how to excel at what you’re paid to do. Additionally, any networking you’ve done, any side projects, none of those matter if you are only mediocre at the job. Be the best at what your roles and responsibilities are before anything else. That is your brand.

Next Level

Once you’re completely mastered your current role, look to what the next step responsibilities are and start mastering those. For example, if a promotion for you means managing others, start to be a leader on your team. Support others, provide growth opportunities, share feedback. Become someone that is a resource for the rest of the team. Be seen as a leader among your peers.

Learn Learn Learn

Never stop learning. If your company provides growth training or opportunities to attend conferences, take them. I work in tech. I am constantly having to reeducate myself on our technologies and solutions as well as teach myself about the ever changing new tech in the world. Never ever get comfortable in thinking that you are an expert. There is always something more to learn.

Differentiate

Figure out an area that your company or team is lacking and provide solutions for growth. Showcase the skills you have that can fill this void. I am passionate about hospitality and creating one of a kind experiences. I work at a company with endless resources to accomplish this. So I’ve challenged myself to go the extra mile and provide next level experiences for our customers.

Network

Always be networking. But effectively. It’s about who you know, but it’s also about the relationships that are authentic. And back to number one, the best networking you can do is be great at your job. You will get noticed when your brand is associated with excellence. It’s also about making meaningful connections. Don’t always look for the highest ranking person in the room, they truly rarely have time for you (rightfully so). Get to know people in the room that can provide a mutually beneficial relationship and that can teach you something. Be respectful of their time. Be authentic. Don’t be someone who only reaches out because they need something. Networking shouldn’t be a forced fake interaction. It should be real and make sense for two people.

It seems simple, but that’s a lot of things to put in place. Put the work in. Be a good person. Go above and beyond. Be authentic. And when it’s your time, give back to the next generation.

Good luck out there sequins!

Career Corner: An Update

It’s been awhile (I feel like I say this every single time) since I did a career update. It has been SEVEN months since I started at Google. Time flew by and at the same time I think about my life in Texas and it feels like it happened decades ago.

Where do I start? Short answer, I’m thriving. I love this job. I love this company. I love this team.

I have always thought that I would have to choose between loving my job and loving where I work and at Google, I don’t have to make that choice.

I’m going to caveat that no, things are not perfect rainbows and unicorns 24/7, but that’s not a realistic expectation to have in life; in any capacity.

Things are really shiny and sparkly though and I have all the boxes checked when it comes to what matters to me in a career.

Growth

Growth is really important here. There are endless opportunities to learn both online, out in practice, and from your fellow Googlers. And it’s all valuable. Every avenue for learning is beneficial to me on a personal and professional level. I have avenues to grow into within this company and those possibilities are endless.

Respect

I am respected. And at any point if I am not, it is addressed immediately and thoroughly. My supervisor has repeatedly had to remind me that I am not in my past roles and she does not tolerate abusive behavior from anyone - within Google or from outside visitors.

Challenge

I am challenged every single day. Truly, I learn about a billion new things each day and there is still so much more I have not learned. There’s no possibility of “I’ve learned it all” here. And the talent pool is so stacked that I’m forced to keep up if I want to stay relevant.

Time

My time is respected. I have a social life. I control my schedule and I’m allowed to say that I’m overwhelmed or burnt out and need support. This has vastly improved who I am as a human being. I’m finding that a lot of my cranky behavior in the past was due to being so miserable and unhealthy in the workplace. I don’t have that here

The bottom line is I’m so happy. I’m so thankful and I’m so encouraged by what I’ve found at this point in my journey. And I hope it encourages you to never settle for anything less than everything. It’s out there. And it’s worth the fight.

OOO

I am currently on the tail end of a two week vacation in Europe. I’m OOO, truly, madly, deeply, OOO. I’m not checking emails, I’m not answering pings, I am logged off and logged into my best me.

My entire adult life I have worked to this point.

I’d vacationed before but never had the balance nor support of my organization to truly log off. Sure, last year I was transitioning roles so there was literally no work for me to do - but had I not been in that weird limbo, I’d have been expected to be somewhat logged on.

But I’m on day 14 of being totally, completely, blissfully OOO.

I’ve traveled all over three countries, eaten all of the food, had all of the wine, and spent time being fully present in the culture I’ve immersed myself in.

And it has me thinking.

Why wait to disappear to Europe to go OOO?

Truly, if my company is providing a supportive environment - and it is - why shouldn’t I log off more?

So I’m going to.

Upon my return, I’m going to make a conscious effort to log off and go OOO whenever possible. Friday at 5, don’t call, don’t write, I’m turning work off.

Work is all consuming when you let it. The truth is, most of us aren’t saving lives. We have the ability to set a standard and say no, I’m taking this time to be fully present in my life and what that entails right now. Do so.

Stop complaining about it and do it. If your current career path doesn’t allow for that, grind until it does. Find the right fit for you because it does exist.

Work is amazing and I’m really thankful that I feel what I do does impact the world, but at the end of this whole life cycle, I want to be able to remember the moments I was OOO. I want to remember eating, drinking, laughing, smiling with the people who are most important to me.

I was to be so wrapped up in my OOO experience that on my death bed, I can physically sense every amazing experience I’ve been lucky enough to have.

What do you want to remember?

BIG Mood

Ya’ll, I am happy.

Truly, wildly, happy.

I’ve not ever felt at peace and sort of wondered if life was always just a dramatic series of things are ok but not great. But things are great.

To me that simply means I feel happy.

In all honesty, work has everything to do with it. They say work isn’t everything, and whoever they are, they’re right. But work takes up a really large portion of our time so when that isn’t good, it affects everything.

Let’s take a pulse check -

Most days, I’m home by 430. I don’t work on weekends for the first time in 12 years. My workday is mine to create. If I need to work from home, I can. Need to go to a doctor appointment? Just go.

That leaves me a lot of time to do the things that keep me feeling my happiest self. I feel full and complete. I workout everyday. I cook dinner. I can meet with friends during the week. I can fly to visit people and join adventures without worrying about a weekend work trip. I can do all the things y’all

So I’m happy.

I keep up with shows. I make plans. I am invested with therapy. All of the things that make me feel whole, I get them done in the day and still have time to relax.

Is this the life ya’ll been living and I’ve been missing out? I never understood how people got everything done and had these vibrant social lives. I get it now.

I’m having a really BIG MOOD.

There’s obviously still times that are more stressful, nights I don’t get home until later - but that’s few and far between. It used to be my normal. My new normal is having a full life.

I keep wondering how my writing will evolve as I am a happier, healthier me. I have less time to write, but writing is still important to me. Stay tuned sequins, I have a feeling this mood is here to stay…and I hope you’ll continue with me on this journey!

Namaste

At pretty much every job I’ve worked at, there has been a high intensity on edge feeling. I’ve always felt stressed, worried, and have a really hard time stepping away from constantly thinking about work. It was a never ending worry about being fired, being in trouble, or being so overworked I could barely survive.

Obviously that greatly affected my personal life. I was constantly exhausted, irritable, antisocial, even depressed. My entire life revolved around my work and the people in it. It was all consuming. And I honestly thought that would be my life forever. I didn’t know any different in my 11 years of being a professional.

I’ve been in my new role for about 3 months. The other day I was sitting on my couch and I realized how calm I felt. I wasn’t thinking about work. Not an overwhelming project, not a difficult coworker, not an unreasonable boss. I was truly existing in the moment I was in.

Now I understand that the first few months, even years of a job can feel like the honeymoon stages. I’ve had that briefly in other roles so I’ve taken these feelings with a grain of salt. However, the culture I’m in and the people I’m surrounded by who embody that culture have given me hope that this will last.

During the week I have flexibility, independence, and people who care about how I’m doing both professionally and personally. I have the freedom to craft my own schedule (within reason), to say I’m overwhelmed without being told “that’s just how it works,” and I’ve got the time and energy to get out and have a thriving personal life.

I can breathe.

There’s time in my life to regroup, take a moment, and reconnect with my center.

In the 11+ years I’ve been a grown up in the working world, I’ve never experienced that. I’ve never had all the pieces fall together. I experimented with what I could tolerate. Could I endure harassment for my dream job? No. Could I work 24/7 for a company I loved? No. Could I put up with a bad boss for good pay? No.

Not everything aligns all the time. I don’t think all the parts have aligned for my current job, but the pieces that have aligned create a puzzle that I fit into. I love the company, the people, the boss - all those things make anything else extremely minuscule on the negative scale. I feel calm. I feel happy. I feel content. And while it all doesn’t create my “perfect” dream job I built up in my mind, it’s redefined what I define as working long term for me.

I cannot emphasize enough how important the feeling calm is to me. It seems so simple and many of you very well may experience it every day. But I haven’t. I haven’t felt that level of content with a career. Where you feel happy, challenged, like you matter, just all the pieces FIT.

Sure, we all complain about our jobs. I’m highly skeptical when folks don’t have one single complaint about their job. I don’t think the whole every single day is perfect life really exists. But if you truly feel happy and the good days outnumber the bad, that’s a huge win.

If you’re like me and your career journey is nontraditional, feeling calm is honestly the biggest win of them all. I encourage you to continue to look for that win. Continue to sacrifice, dream, work, and motivate yourself to stay positive. It’s not easy. It’s ups and downs and anything but simple. People will tell you that you’re stupid. They’ll laugh. They’ll question everything about you as a professional. But they are not you. They don’t live with the journey or the experience. What works for them, it’s not for you.

I don’t know if the calm will last. What I think is most important to remember while I am here is that it’s possible. It’s not a pipe dream. It’s not a decade of taking risks for nothing. It’s real and I’m holding it in front of me. Nobody can take the dream away from me because I know it’s there. And even if it doesn’t workout every time, it’s there. It’s real. And I can make it mine.

Career Corner: An Update

I guess it’s time for a little career corner update. I’ve been a Googler (shout out Cloud team!) for about three months now. Practically a seasoned veteran.

Bottom line - I’m happy and I’m thriving. Let’s break it down.

Can I hack it?

All of the intense fears I had about not being good enough are all but gone. Being new to the tech world was a really intimidating thing. I didn’t know the lingo, the products, the way things are done - and I still don’t. But the best thing I was ever told was that I’ll never know. Tech is ever evolving. By definition that’s its job! And that’s my favorite thing about being in this industry. I cannot learn everything. There will always be a new training I can take or a new product to research. I cannot ever be the smartest person in the room because of how large this field is. When I said I don’t ever want to be an expert in anything, I certainly hope I meant it because here I am living that truth.

Life Balance

I watched one TedTalk on Work/Life balance being a sham and here I am drinking the Kool Aid. I buy into the fact that sometimes all your marbles live in the work bin and sometimes they’re rolling around in your party pants. Thankfully, three months in I feel pretty good. The first two months were a lot of studying. A lot of shadowing. A slow ramp up. All things I hate. But all very necessary to being successful in my role. Then here we are in January which has been the wildest Fast and the Furious movie yet. But I’m in the thick of it and I’m able to contribute to the team. We are all learning about some cool new changes together. AND I’m not the new kid anymore! There are days I’m exhausted. Sure that affects my personal life - yet most days I feel a reasonable level of stress and the ability to do what I need to do personally.

That Google Culture

Listen, I wish this was the moment I was able to give you some big expose on Google. I know I’m still new so in a year I could be sitting here thinking wow was I wrong (if you’re a regular reader, you’re aware it wouldn’t be the first time) but right now, I’m here for the vibe. I’m treated like an adult, with respect, kindness, inclusiveness - I didn’t know this was all a thing at a company. Sure, I have moments I get irritated, I don’t positively love every human I meet - but when this organization says you will be respectful, it damn well means it. My schedule can be flexible. As long as I do my job, the rest, that’s for me to design. Period. They really mean it. And the perks, yea, they’re pretty nice. I’m here for the googliness, I have nothing negative to say and I’m sorry you don’t get the Access Hollywood scandal, but I just haven’t experienced it.

The Role

When I first started I wasn’t sure if this was the role I had dreamed of. I was in all transparency not 100% sure of everything it entailed. Fun fact, neither was the team! It’s been an evolving ever changing role with a growing department. For me that’s not a new position to be in. It doesn’t bother me like it might someone who craves structure. I think it leads to a lot of really exciting possibilities and areas for me to grow. I’m also appreciated for the talents and experience I have. I’m encouraged to use those things to make the team stronger. I honestly don’t know what my dream role is anymore. But I know I’m happy, challenged, and I don’t dread coming to work. That’s more than enough for me.

To sum it all up - I feel like I’m balanced. Weird way to describe a new job but it’s all I’ve ever dreamed of. I’ve existed in roles I hate or companies I hate or surrounded by people I don’t respect and there’s never been just a balance of feeling calm and even and normal. I don’t have the intense Sunday scaries. I’m not looking at how I can get out of work. I’ll still always prefer to be traveling the world, but if I have to work until I win the lottery/marry rich - this gig will do.

Stay tuned…the adventure is sure to twist and turn and bob and weave and I can’t wait to see where it takes me.

As always, thank you for your support and know that your best adventure is out there if you’re willing to chase it!

A Spade is a Spade

This one is going to feel a bit offensive to a few of you. But I couldn’t care less. We’ve all seen the spike in MLM marketing, social selling, network marketing - look whatever you want to call it - its the pyramid scheme of our generation.

And it’s gotten out of hand.

I can’t hardly go a day without getting invited to join a team.

Thankfully, its become a bit more acceptable to cold shoulder the situation. Because what I’ve never understood is why its my job to be mindful of your feelings when you don’t understand the word no.

I get it. You’re just trying to make a living. Aren’t we all? I’d like to address some of the frustrations head on because for some reason, folks just don’t get it. I can say no, ignore messages, and still - I’m being sent the same damn messaging over and over. And over. And I’m the jerk when I say stop.

Entrepreneur

On no planet is MLM something that makes you an entrepreneur. Straight up, you paid to sell someone else’s idea. They are the entrepreneur. You are the salesperson. There is nothing original or enterprising about what you do. You are literally given a step by step guide for how to sell. Its evident in the cookie cutter messaging in my inbox.

Additionally, I have a hard time even thinking of you as a legitimate salesperson. I will caveat this by saying there are a select few of you who I’ve seen succeed and generally I have no complaints about. However - if you’re calling yourself a salesperson or network marketer, and you’ve created an environment that annoys others, that badgers them on social media, you’re not good at what you do. If I did that at my job, I wouldn’t last long. To create a good brand, you need to be mindful of how you as a person represent that brand.

Small Business

Sure fine call yourself a small business because you’re technically a business of one. But quite frankly, that’s misleading as well and you’re not fooling anyone. You are actually representing a large business. You ladder up to a company that is the brand and is generally a large company.

Can’t Work a Traditional Job

I’m understanding of everyone’s lifestyle. We all go through things. We all would prefer to work on our own time and terms. But I promise you, the rest of us go to regular jobs quite often and we make it work somehow. Women and men often work more than one “traditional” job just to barely get by. I don’t know many people who aren’t operating a “side hustle.” If you’ve chosen network marketing as your main gig, that’s great, that’s your choice. However, don’t try to tell the rest of us its somehow the only option and we are supposed to be empathetic to that. I go to my 9-5, run a blog, a consulting business, and still find ways to workout, be a good friend, partner when I want to be, and have a life. You can too.

Support your Friends

I see this often. Shop small. You buy product from celebrities, why not your friends? I do shop local. I shop at the small stores in town who sell custom pieces. I buy from friends and family who are artists and bakers and farmers and designers. I get food at the Farmer’s Market on Saturday. You, selling for a company worth millions of dollars, you’re not local. Ultimately, I’m more willing to buy a Kylie Jenner lip kit than I am the skin cream that’s sold worldwide. At least the woman created and markets her own products.

I decided to finally do a post on this because I’m tired of the way these people push the messages and pester people and we are expected to continue to be polite. I’d challenge you to understand that if we are in fact your friends and family, show us a little more respect. If we say we aren’t interested, let it go. Keep pushing your product and doing what you need to do on the socials because I can unfollow that. If you continue to message me and don't get the very clear message I’m sending you, that makes you not a very effective “small business owner.” And I’m going to go with the block button. I’d rather see everyone’s puppy posts and legitimate endeavors.

UGH - so harsh Ashley. Look, it is, and its necessary. There’s a reason we all complain about it, post memes about it, and end friendships over it. I’m not bringing you my work everyday, asking you to join my company over and over - it’s simply not professional. It’s not good business nor is it good social practice.

If it was so successful for so many people, ya’ll wouldn’t constantly be switching between products and giving up all together in 6 months. For the most part, for most people, it doesn’t work. Its even a bit insulting to your friends and family when you represent it as your great success. If it’s so successful, why are you years later still working your main job when you’ve sent those notes to me about it being the pipeline to this endless income?

Sure, it works for someone or these companies wouldn’t exist. But the stats are there and it works for so little people, otherwise we’d all be doing it. Thank you Susan in Iowa for pointing out that you make millions off this, congratulations, you’re the one person. Pardon me if I’d still like to pass.

If I offended you, you’re probably in MLM and maybe you’ll stop hounding me. Kidding, sort of. Honestly, my aim is never to offend, but it happens, and I’m willing to be that guy on this one.

California Dreaming

I am a California girl. Something I really struggled with in Texas was the lack of outdoor living. I thrive when I can be near mountains and beaches and in general live most of my life outside. Texas just isn’t an outdoor state. A lot of the year its too hot to get outdoors and in Dallas, there’s one nature trail and lakes that are ripe with snakes! Being that I traveled most of my two years in Texas, its not something I truly noticed until the end of my time there. I honestly spent the majority of my two years in Dallas, not in Dallas. Never really had to think much about how I felt about living there because I’m not really sure I did for a long time.

I was also really unhappy at my job. Although I had been able to work on some incredible projects, big name clients, and truly grow my skill set, I didn’t feel it was somewhere I could be happy. I was either in a position that lacked good leadership and took over my life or I wasn’t challenged enough or passionate enough about what I was doing. Which is why I sought to leave.

This new role I’m in is not something I sought out. It’s in an area I swore I’d never live in. It’s in a field I have no experience in. On paper, it gets me back to everything I’ve talked about having for the past few years. The outdoor lifestyle. Closer to my family and friends. A company that’s challenging me with work I’m excited about. A team that values me for who I am. Fair pay, insane benefits. The opportunity to have a life that I enjoy.

And yet, I’ve never been more terrified about a next move in my entire life. I spent the first week in my new city overthinking everything. I was anxious every moment of the day. I kept questioning if I made the right decision.

Why when I’m seemingly being handed everything I’ve ever wanted in this moment, I am the most afraid and unhappy?

Most of my life I’ve lived looking for what’s next. I’ve had some part of the package that doesn’t fit and leaves me needing to move on. I think what has scared me the most about this move is that it has the opportunity to be permanent. To be somewhere I can be content. That I don’t have to constantly be looking for where I’ll go next. Where I’m at now can be an investment in building a life where I stay put.

For the past 6+ years, I’ve been on a journey that is easy for me to leave. I’ve made so many friends that are hard to leave, but the actual places I’ve lived and jobs I’ve had, I’ve left without looking back. I’ve always arrived knowing I’d leave sooner rather than later. It was never scary because I knew I didn’t plan to stay.

Arriving here feels more real and serious because this could be where I finally dig in roots and build a future. And that scares me. That’s a future that puts pressure on me to succeed.

I’m sure many can relate to the idea of needing to feel ready to up and leave. That there’s always an out. And sure, there’s an out for me here. I can always leave. I’m not required to be here forever. But there’s a lot more at stake for me. My family is here. My friends are mostly here (or close by). I love this state. I’m invested in this job and the people on my team. I love the brand I work for. If I fail here, it means something. I think it’s a huge test of what I’m made of in business.

If I’m to guess what my therapist would say, she’d probably point to my fear of failure (and thinking I’m not good enough or achieving enough) and my fear of commitment (my need to only rely on myself).

I’m probably afraid that because this is something familiar (and yet unfamiliar in my new role), I’m taking a huge risk and failing here, not achieving enough here, that’s heavy for me. Like there’s no diet capable of removing that kind of weight.

I’m also very much not on my own here. I can’t simply hole up and avoid the world around me. My circle here wouldn’t allow that. Whether I like it or not, I’m not alone. I cant hide because there are too many people here to find me. I can’t create a distance or put up a wall.

Reading all this, thinking through it all, it makes me feel a bit of relief. Its wild to think the familiar is what can scare us the most. But it makes sense. Coming back feels full circle, but it also nags at me as a failure. And it all suffocates me a bit.

I think if I’m honest, the scariest thing I’ve ever done is come back to California. To embark on something both wildly familiar and wildly out of my comfort zone. I’ve moved thousands of miles away and moving home is the scariest experience I’ve ever had.

The point is, the things that should seem to be the easiest, can often be the most difficult. Just because something appears to be a situation you should handle with ease does not mean you will. And that’s ok.

The experiences we expect to be the best days of our lives can cause us the most anxiety, fear, and sadness. And that’s ok.

It’s the every day that often causes our mental health to suffer the most. Because those are the times we don’t check in with ourselves and ask for help. Nobody wants to say “this really awesome thing is happening to me and I want to cry every second of the day.” We don’t feel safe in reaching out because on the surface, nothing terrible is happening, why in the world would we be suffering?

I spent most of the time not telling anyone how much I was hurting. How I woke up sweating, in a panic. How I cried for the first time in 3-68 years. I pretended to thrive on the excitement and be only thinking of how incredible my life was. How lucky I was for this next adventure. An adventure that quite literally was handed to me. Inside, I was crumbling.

I wish I had spoken up and expressed my feelings to someone. That’s what your people are there for. To help you when you don’t know how to help yourself.

I’m in a better place now. I’m excited. I’m looking forward to all the possibilities. I’m confident in what I bring to the table. I have my moments. I’m human - as much as I’ve fought it - I’ve got feelings!

Who thought my boldest adventure yet would be to go home again?

Often times our emotions don’t make sense. There’s all these rules dictating how you should feel in any given situation. And yet, we all know those rules don't always hold. We aren’t alone. Stop holding it in and start talking about it. The more we open up and say what’s going on, the more we find people who are going through something similar. You may even help someone around you who went through the same thing.

At the end of the day, don’t dismiss how you feel. You know yourself better than anyone. You know when you need help and when you’re just going through something. Don’t let it get bad. And don’t shame yourself for needing to speak up. There’s no rules  to surviving, I just ask that you do.

Career Corner: Playing Nice

We all know the worst part about working is often the people. When you’re working in an office you’ve got to interact with so many different types of people in a day and its exhausting. But you’re at work, so you can’t tell Susan in accounting to go fuck herself. You’ve got to play nice.

As kids we were taught basic skills like keep your hands to yourself. Be nice. Really working as an adult is the same thing. You can’t touch anyone and you’ve got to find a way to not be an asshole. It’s just harder as an adult. The days are longer. Carol in sales is so annoying. Jim in marketing? Nobody cares about your frat lifestyle at 35 bro.

I wish this was the blog where I tell you, who cares, be a jerk, tell everyone off, it’s fine! Your career won’t suffer, it’s a big bold move! It’s not. You unfortunately have to play the game. You’ve got to play nice.

Here’s how we are going to get through this together:

1.       Accept it

You have to stop making excuses or justifying any bad behavior. Accept that being an adult in the workplace means playing nice. There’s no way around it. Even if you work from home, you’ve got to put on the nice voice on the phone. Just know the rules and understand there’s no way out.

2.       Treat Everyone with Respect

The basic rule is that everyone deserves respect. Whether you like it or not, you can’t be disrespectful. If someone is being blatantly disrespectful to you, have that conversation with the appropriate parties, but you can’t be an ass because someone else is. There’s a decorum and you’ve got to show respect

3.       Have the Conversation

If someone isn’t being nice to you, talk to them. Or talk to HR. Stop the problem before it starts. Don’t allow it to fester and don’t allow it to create some dramatic situation. Don’t gossip about it. Nip it in the bud. And if it’s truly just ridiculous, let it go. Some people are petty. Wish them well and move on.

4.       Check In

Give yourself a review. I think sometimes we get so caught up in our own work so we forget to check in and see if we are in fact being a nice person to work with. Not everyone has to like you but they shouldn’t feel disrespected by you or that you’re cruel. Always make time to check in with the people around you – especially during stressful times.

5.       Be Realistic

Look sometimes you’re going to snap. Sometimes you’re going to make that rude sarcastic comment. It happens. Be humble. Apologize when you need to. And let it go when its just not that big of a deal. Nobody is perfect. Aim to be kind but with the knowledge that sometimes you’re grumpy.

I’m the queen of the sarcastic dry humor. I like to poke fun at people. 98% of the time I’m sugar and sweet, but that 2% spice, that’s some extra shit that almost negates the 98% that was an angel. So realistically, this piece was probably for me. I get the struggles it takes to be nice sometimes. Especially when people are idiots. However, and this is critical, in the 3 million jobs I’ve had – I have learned that when you are nice, it makes the whole experience a lot better.

And if you’re still rolling your eyes, think of how small the world is. Especially the job industry. Chances are, somebody knows somebody. So, if you’re an asshole, eventually someone somewhere is going to remember that. And they’re going to say something. And it’s going to keep you from getting hired somewhere. I’ve seen it happen so many times. The world is a hell of a lot smaller than you think!

What have we learned today? Play nice. It’s good karma. It’s important for your career. And it’s incredible for your mental health and happiness at the office.