I have a problem. I like to refer to it as having high standards but realistically its a severe commitment phobia. This leads me to avoid the attractive, nice, family oriented guy who has his shit together and to instead date the 28 year old frat boy who still thinks its cool to party five days a week. I don't need therapy, I know I'm picking the wrong guys to avoid real commitment. The first step is admitting the problem. The second step is making a list of qualities in the men I've recently dated in order to avoid thinking about the good guy I'm currently in the middle of ghosting. BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT GROWN UPS DO. Now back to this list. In no particular order and without naming names, here's how to know that he's just not the one:
1) He can't talk tonight because he has to make 300 Jell-O shots for his float trip tomorrow
2) He's wearing frat tanks over the age of 25 every chance he gets
3) Says things like "I'm gonna get tanked this weekend, like super blacked out"
4) Thinks texting is ok as the only form of communicating and follows such rules as not texting back first or waiting an appropriate amount of time to respond
5) Must snapchat all activities and then Facebook, Instagram, and Tweet them to make sure everyone knows he's having fun because you can't have fun if its not on social media
6) Spends $800 on bottle service but does not have a 401K or retirement plan
7) His mom still does his laundry because she lives close by so its just easier
8) When traveling he only does the activities involving large amounts of alcohol. Who needs culture when you can blackout the trip?
9) Insists he only does cocaine and molly "occasionally" because he's responsible
10) Last book he read was Facebook but it was political so obviously super educational
I'd like to note these are just a few of my favorite. What are yours? Give me some of your best "He's Not the One" characteristics. Also open to "She's Not the One" because I'd hate to think I'm discriminating against the funny.