Society places a lot of stigma around a lot of things. We are made to feel shame and embarrassment around so many things that we go through.
The thing is, if you take the time to talk to people about a lot of the supposedly shameful things you go through, you'll find that they've experienced them too.
So why do we continue to feel embarrassed? Why do we continue to judge others for the same things we often experience?
It's bullshit. And it needs to stop. The only way in which we are going to get it to stop is to confront it, be open about it, and refuse to apologize for it.
Confront
In order to be accepting of others, you must first become accepting of yourself. Cut yourself a break. When you get in a negative head space, stop yourself. Redirect your thoughts. I put a lot of pressure on myself when it comes to my career. I'm type A, high achieving and with that comes unreasonable expectations. I've absolutely been fired. I've spent time unemployed. For me, that's always felt embarrassing to say out loud. It's saying I'm a failure and a loser. Realistically, a lot of us have been fired, laid off, and spent time unemployed. That does not make you a failure and certainly not a loser. Every career journey is different, and for the most part, we can look back on those moments and realize they brought us to the success we have today. Quite frankly, I push boundaries, and some companies don't value that, they're not the right fit for me. I realize that being laid off isn't my fault. I know that being fired was simply a difference in personality. Being unemployed forced me to wait for the right fit. And you know what? Today I'm thriving.
Be Open
Talk about the situations that make you feel shame. When you open up to the people in your circle, you're bound to find others that feel the same shame from the same situation. And when you can find others who relate, you can help feel peace with what you're experiencing. You're also able to understand you're not alone. And better yet, you're able to come up with ways to cope. Feeling embarrassed because you're 30 and single? Talk to your friends who are in the same boat. Realistically, they have probably felt a little self conscious too. Explore why you feel that way. Is it because society tells you its wrong? I'm very happy where I'm at in my dating life, and I'm single. But there are moments where I get that "what's wrong with you, you're 32 and single" feeling. When I talk to my tribe about it, I start to realize the only reason I feel that way is because everyone around me is not single. And the more I talk about that, the more I realize other people get the same insecurity yet are also happy with their lives. The more we talk about these fears with other people, the more that movement spreads and we realize the stigma is society, it's not real.
Don't Apologize
Stop qualifying yourself. Don't say I'm single because, I'm unemployed because, etc. Make a statement and leave it at that. Not only do you not owe anyone an explanation, you're furthering the idea that what you're doing is wrong when you qualify the statement. I'm 32 and I don't own a house. So what? I don't need to explain that to anyone. I'm living my life on my timeline. I don't have kids. I'm not married. End of story. When you have to tell people you're living your life the way you are and then explain why, you're giving power to the shameful stigmas that society has created for you. Stop. The freedom that comes with not having to explain yourself to anyone but yourself is the best feeling in the world. It's given me more confidence than I ever thought possible.
Stigmas follow us everywhere. Society has created rules and plans that we are all supposed to follow in order to do what is expected and approved of in the world. The thing is, they're only perpetuated because we continue to give them weight. But when you stop the stigma and create your own rules, you become the most powerful person in the world.