Educated

A lot of the problems that we face in society are due to a lack of education. Most people that carry around close minded, often bigoted viewpoints, do so because they are not educated. Schooling in America is broken. Teachers lack vital resources. Often times we can't even get kids to show up. And for whatever reason even in the classroom, we aren't teaching life skills necessary to coexisting.

We also have college educated adults who don't know a damn thing about life in the real world. I firmly believe that it doesn't matter where you are in life, you should always be learning. And not necessarily textbook learning. We are stuck politically and socially because people know nothing about other people and other situations.

If you're not spending time each day learning, you're failing.

I get it, everyone is busy. But we each have a responsibility to be better citizens. And time is no excuse for not learning.

Podcasts

Everyone has a commute, time at the gym, time at your desk, etc. Commit time each day to listen to a podcast wherever you can fit that in. There are so many options when it comes to content, there's no excuse not to find something you will enjoy. Between crime, politics, pop culture, history, honestly the list is endless.

Recommended: Ear Hustle, What You Missed in History Class, Pod Save America, Left Right and Center, Ted Radio Hour, Stuff You Should Know, 50 Things that Made the Modern Economy

Books

Weird, books still exist? YES. And they exist in many forms. I still go to the library where they're free but you can buy them anywhere and read them in digital form if you must. Additionally, you can even listen to books on audio so you can enjoy them as you would a podcast! Mix up your genres. It's cool to learn politics and social issues but reread some of the books you read as a kid because they actually make sense now.

Recommended: The Tipping Point (Malcolm Gladwell), American Government 101 (Kathleen Sears), What you should know about politics but don't (Jessamyn Conrad), Redeployment (Phil Klay), 1984 (George Orwell), The Hate U Give (Angie Thomas), Nickel & Dimed: On (NOT) getting by in America (Barbara Ehrenreich), To Kill A Mockingbird (Harper Lee), We Should All Be Feminists (Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie).

Talk

Spend time talking to people who are nothing like you. Have a friend who's deeply religious and you are not? Sit down and ask them questions. Are you a white woman? Speak with someone who is black or Asian or Latina about their everyday experiences. Find someone who is comfortable having an awkward conversation in a safe space. The more you ask the questions we all have but don't often know how to ask, the more you learn about what its like to be someone who is not you.

Recommended: Meet with people who have different political, racial, socioeconomic, gender, sexual preferences, etc. Come prepared with questions and really listen. Don't come in ready to challenge their way of thinking. Come in ready to take in everything they have to say and really think about that based on how they grew up and how they experience life. Then, meet again and discuss your differences and follow up questions you may have. Educated discussion is always a good idea.

Take a Class/Attend a Lecture

There are so many University classes online and in person as well as free lectures you can sit in on. Universities are breeding grounds for learning. I think now more than ever students are looking for information to become more informed. I'd say most public universities are more liberal while private (unless they're arts based) can tend to be conservative. Topics are diverse and bonus is that you'll be sitting with people from various backgrounds who provide different viewpoints on the discussion. Check out colleges in your area and look to see what they're offering.

You'll notice I didn't put the news on here. I get it, the news is a great resource for what's going on in the world. For me, it's hard to find a lot of unbiased news. Certainly be informed and aware. Personally, I prefer to be on Twitter, to add google alerts, and then read news reports with a grain of salt. We all know not to watch Fox News because that's not actually journalism. Stay up to date on news as far as it provides you what's happening. But do your best to research those announcements so that you're able to form educated and informed opinions on them.

What else do you do to encourage learning? Where are you expanding your knowledge? There's not really a wrong way to learn as long as you do so with an open mind and as often as possible.

Shame Shame

Society places a lot of stigma around a lot of things. We are made to feel shame and embarrassment around so many things that we go through.

The thing is, if you take the time to talk to people about a lot of the supposedly shameful things you go through, you'll find that they've experienced them too.

So why do we continue to feel embarrassed? Why do we continue to judge others for the same things we often experience?

It's bullshit. And it needs to stop. The only way in which we are going to get it to stop is to confront it, be open about it, and refuse to apologize for it.

Confront

In order to be accepting of others, you must first become accepting of yourself. Cut yourself a break. When you get in a negative head space, stop yourself. Redirect your thoughts. I put a lot of pressure on myself when it comes to my career. I'm type A, high achieving and with that comes unreasonable expectations. I've absolutely been fired. I've spent time unemployed. For me, that's always felt embarrassing to say out loud. It's saying I'm a failure and a loser. Realistically, a lot of us have been fired, laid off, and spent time unemployed. That does not make you a failure and certainly not a loser. Every career journey is different, and for the most part, we can look back on those moments and realize they brought us to the success we have today. Quite frankly, I push boundaries, and some companies don't value that, they're not the right fit for me. I realize that being laid off isn't my fault. I know that being fired was simply a difference in personality. Being unemployed forced me to wait for the right fit. And you know what? Today I'm thriving.

Be Open

Talk about the situations that make you feel shame. When you open up to the people in your circle, you're bound to find others that feel the same shame from the same situation. And when you can find others who relate, you can help feel peace with what you're experiencing. You're also able to understand you're not alone. And better yet, you're able to come up with ways to cope. Feeling embarrassed because you're 30 and single? Talk to your friends who are in the same boat. Realistically, they have probably felt a little self conscious too. Explore why you feel that way. Is it because society tells you its wrong? I'm very happy where I'm at in my dating life, and I'm single. But there are moments where I get that "what's wrong with you, you're 32 and single" feeling. When I talk to my tribe about it, I start to realize the only reason I feel that way is because everyone around me is not single. And the more I talk about that, the more I realize other people get the same insecurity yet are also happy with their lives. The more we talk about these fears with other people, the more that movement spreads and we realize the stigma is society, it's not real.

Don't Apologize

Stop qualifying yourself. Don't say I'm single because, I'm unemployed because, etc. Make a statement and leave it at that. Not only do you not owe anyone an explanation, you're furthering the idea that what you're doing is wrong when you qualify the statement. I'm 32 and I don't own a house. So what? I don't need to explain that to anyone. I'm living my life on my timeline. I don't have kids. I'm not married. End of story. When you have to tell people you're living your life the way you are and then explain why, you're giving power to the shameful stigmas that society has created for you. Stop. The freedom that comes with not having to explain yourself to anyone but yourself is the best feeling in the world. It's given me more confidence than I ever thought possible.

Stigmas follow us everywhere. Society has created rules and plans that we are all supposed to follow in order to do what is expected and approved of in the world. The thing is, they're only perpetuated because we continue to give them weight. But when you stop the stigma and create your own rules, you become the most powerful person in the world.

Rollercoaster of Life

Life is like a roller coaster.  It's a series of ups and downs, highs and lows, twists and turns - you are never always on top and you are never stuck at the bottom.  

There is a lot of pressure in society to constantly be on.  To define success by always being in a great place.  But in reality - life is in constant transition.  You cannot possibly always have it all and to pretend you do is a really sad, exhausting lie.

In my past - I have fallen victim to the  pressure to prove myself.  To show those around me that I am in fact successful because I'm always onto the next step.  Truthfully, I've had some incredible success, failures, and unfortunate lessons that weren't really a success or a failure.  I've been laid off, accepted my dream job, been unemployed for 6 months, made a Division One track program, been consistently injured, felt incredible about myself, and been at the absolute bottom of the bottom.  

The point is - stop trying to be anything to anyone but yourself.  Stop pressuring yourself to prove you're a success to the masses and start focusing on how you define success for yourself.  

I used to define success by money and career status.  The more I've grown and asked myself why I felt that way - the more I've learned that my success is surviving my struggles, finding joy, and creating relationships that make me feel good.  

Do I want to have a successful career with financial stability?  Absolutely.  But I want a career that gives me passion, happiness - and fills my bank account so that I can travel and spend time with my humans.  I don't care if I'm the CEO of the Universe - that might impress Facebook, but if I'm unhappy, that's a failure.

Equally - a year ago I was laid off from a job I hated.  I made the decision to move home because I didn't want to build a life in LA anymore and financially - I needed to be smarter.  I was 31 and living at home.  It took me 6 months to find a job I was willing to accept and build a future on.  During that time - I was told by people very close to me that I was failing.  That I had done so much only to fall so far.  At first - I was mortified and started to believe what I was being told.  But something happened - I also got really protective of myself.  I did not consider myself failing.  Was it easy?  Was it where I wanted to be?  Absolutely not.  But I did not fail.  I was not at my lowest low.  I needed that time to regroup, make sure I was setting myself up for success financially, and to not rush into another bad situation.  I am not embarrassed by that time in my life.  It was part of my rollercoaster.  

In relationships, in careers, in health and in happiness - life will not be a constant peak.  You will fall and tumble and fall again.  You will rise and stay so high and then plateau and peak again.  Every single person in the world lives by this pattern.  You are not unique in having the roller coaster experience.  Take comfort in the fact that we all go through things that none of us see.  And remember in that vain - because you can't see everyone's highs and lows - we are all fighting battles and celebrating successes you know nothing about.  

You don't owe your story to anyone.  You don't have to show the world anything but what you choose to share.  The more you find the confidence to do what lights your world on fire - the less you need validation from society around you.

You are the one who has to live with each choice you make.  The people you're trying so hard to show your amazing life to - they don't matter.  They aren't part of your story, they're spectators to the world you present to them.  What do you want your life to look like, feel like, and say to your soul?