Maybe Not.

Throughout my egg freezing process, a lot of people couldn’t really comprehend that I am not sure if I want kids. I got a lot of “you’ll change your mind” and “It’s just because you’re single.” It seems to bother women a lot that I may not want to reproduce. Or it feels unbelievable for them.

I don’t know if I want kids. I’m actually leaning more towards not wanting them after freezing my eggs.

And that’s ok. It’s more than ok because it’s my body, my life and my very personal choice.

I’m not sure what it is that makes women not understand that not everyone is born to reproduce or feels that need to have children but it’s such a weird thing for women to accept in another woman.

I love my life. I love that I can travel. I love that I can spend my money and my time on me. And that I can prioritize me. I’m really selfish with my life right now. Bringing a child into that would mean I don’t get to live that way anymore.

For a lot of women, having kids has always been a dream. They want to be moms more than anything in the world, and I think that’s wonderful. One of my very best friends has wanted to be a mom since we came out the womb herself and watching her make that happen - that makes my heart so happy.

The thing is - I like kids. Kids like me. We do really well together. I love to spoiled my friends kids, a lot. And I genuinely enjoy the overload of pictures (yea so I demand to be in the family album on iPhone!) and stories. I absolutely want you to tell me how smart your kid is because fuck yea we are raising this kid to be the next President. I am your community to do that. But I like that I can give them back at the end of the day and get back to my selfish life.

Maybe that will change. Maybe it won’t. Maybe I’ll have 4 kids and adopt 32 more. Maybe I’ll never have any.

Kids and the responsibility that come with them, that’s a big deal. That’s a lot of responsibility and something I want to be damn sure all in for before I start growing one. So instead of challenging the idea that a woman may not want a kid, brushing it off ass nonsense - be thankful that she isn’t out there reproducing because it’s “what you’re supposed to do.” My parents damn sure wanted me (they might was a refund now) and thank the glitter gods they did because kids ain’t easy.

I don’t know if I want kids, and it really isn’t your business to tell me otherwise.

Parenting 101

I don't have any children.  I'm not even very good at taking care of myself half the time.  In fact, I lit my apartment on fire earlier this year and wound up standing in the middle of the street, in the middle of Los Angeles, in my underwear.  Moving on - regardless of whether or not I have child rearing experience - I've got opinions. And I know I'm usually pretty shy - but I figured I should share those opinions. Because you know what?  If your kid is a tiny little asshole - it is my business. 

My parents raised me with one guiding rule in mind.  Don't be a jerk.  Sure, I was taught to focus on education, how to take care of my things, work hard, amongst a million other things - but the main focus in life has always been to be a good person.  Treat people with respect, be aware of those around me, and always lead with kindness.  Seems pretty simple.  Then why do I see so many kids today ignoring basic manners, speaking very out of turn, and in general acting like entitled little jerks. 

To this day if I question my mom in public, forget to hold a door open for someone, or am oblivious to those around me - I fear for my life.  I'm 30 and my mom will still come at me with the death glare.  You know what I'm talking about - the "I raised you better so you best try again" look.  Deadly.  Effective.  I'm unclear if this look magically comes to you when you give birth but it's simply unattainable by any other human being.  I actually think we could skip war if we just sent moms to Iraq to stare at terrorists. 

Back to my original point.  I get it - we are in the age of free spirits and whimsical expression - but you need to do that on your own time, in the comfort of your own dome made of mud and leaves.  When your children are in public - they're part of a larger community that doesn't revolve around them.  Their freedom to act out stops the minute you step outside your door.  

I ask you - teach your children the number one rule: Dont. Be. A. Jerk.  Teach them they can be independent little hippie children but that they must first understand they're a very small part of a larger ecosystem.  And in that ecosystem - we need to respect each other, lead with kindness, and quite frankly - mind our old fashioned manners.  Let's get specific about our manners:

1. Open doors.  If there is someone coming out of a door or is behind you about to enter a location - hold the door open.
2. Say excuse me.  if someone is in your way, if you need to move past, whatever the case - say excuse me POLITELY as you make your way past.
3. Calm the F down.  If your child is screaming, running around, throwing things, being disruptive in any way in the wrong setting - calm them down or leave.  They don't have the right to disrupt everyone.  Know the setting.  Teach them awareness. 
4. Please and thank you.  Your kids need to speak to others with respect.  Please and thank you go a really long way and need to be taught at a young age.

That's it.  I'm starting with four easy manners.  Of course there are more - but these are so important and not often taught as children grow up and venture into society. 

To those of you out there who I know are raising confident, respectful, and kind little nuggets - thank you for valuing what it means to reproduce in this world.  Kids aren't just part of life stages - they're our future - make sure you're teaching our future to be kind.