All that glitters.

Is me. I am all that glitters. And I am solid gold.

I think the coolest thing about human beings is what makes them memorable. We all have quirks and characteristics that take us forever to own but that endear us to others immediately.

My whole life I have been a 12 on the energy scale. I defined extra before it became a worldwide meme sensation. I have been loud, bubbly, sparkly - since I can remember. Growing up there were plenty of times I tried to redefine myself.

I wanted to be the smart one. The serious athlete. The girly girl. The quiet mysterious type. Turns out, my inner ray of sunshine cannot stay cooped up long enough for me to be anything but a glitter cannon. At 33, I’m here to own that.

What does that mean? I talk too much, I want to be friends with everyone, word vomit is an everyday ailment. I’m a morning person, a night person, and I’m going to ask you 382 questions in between. I can’t stop smiling. If I’m not the host of the party, I will quickly become the life of it.

It also means I have high highs and low lows. I’ll spend the majority of my time surrounded by people and then crash. I don’t like to talk about myself. I’m often mistaken for dumb, flighty, surface level. I’ve been told more than once that I am a lot to handle. People either love me or hate me. There is no - “she’s okay.”

That’s a really large weight to carry.

I think a lot of people have figured out the art of blending into this world. I tried it and I have never failed more miserably at anything in my entire life. I cannot blend makeup, I cannot blend life. I’m a disco ball hanging from a ceiling full of fluorescent lights. Forever ready to sparkle and shine and bring the magic.

Instead of continuing to try to be more serious, quiet my voice, grow out of the glitter - I’m dripping in it. What I’ve learned is, it’s not on me to explain myself to anyone. I don’t have to provide a manual to understanding me. You get it or you don’t. You like me or you don’t.

There are so many things the world is telling us to be right now. Social media alone will tell you what it takes to be someone - the looks, the jobs, the lifestyle - it’s all right there, a guide to being “it.” A lot of the struggles of millenials and those growing up in the world come from existing in a place that puts your whole life in the spotlight. Kids and adults alike are struggling to fit in and also to remain true to what they feel and who they are.

Quite honestly, I’m not sure how well I would have been able to cope as a teenager in a world where my entire social life lives on the internet. It took me a good 30 years to accept my truth and the only social media struggles I experienced were who I upset over my MySpace top 8. There were no snapchat nudes. Nobody was screenshotting my text messages. If you couldn’t get me on aim or the house line, that was it. See ya at school tomorrow bud.

It’s really easy to lose your sparkle - or what makes you uniquely you - in a world that’s constantly surrounding you with ways to be anything but. I still have moments I struggle. Where I think I should look/be/feel/act a certain way. And it can all be solved by reconnecting with who I am at my core.

For me, reconnecting means three things:

1. Logging off the internet: All of it. No socials. No surfing online. Phone down. Laptop off. Tablet in its case.

2. Getting Outside: I love being outside. It reminds me how much there is to explore, how small I am, and how beautiful the world is. I go walking, running, on a hike or simply sit on a beach/deck/mountainside. Whatever I can do, I go outside and get some air.

3. Talk to my people: I allow very few people to be close to me. So when I do, its because they’re people I trust and know truly love me for me. We believe that without each other, life wouldn’t be as full. Those are the people I turn to. I am open about how I’m feeling and they spring to action. We talk about anything and everything and they’re the first people to say let’s go do something that makes you happy.

It can often be difficult to maintain that constant confidence in who you are, where you’re at, what you look like - it’s a lot of stuff to keep at center. Don’t expect that 100% of the time everything will align. Do know when you’re having a tough time seeing most of the good and reconnect with the things that get you back on track.

I am all that glitters. And everything that entails. And everything positive and negative people think about that. But the coolest thing about being sparkly, is that at my very core, you can’t dim that shine. It’s always there. It’s who I am. There’s a reason I was chosen to be made of sugar and spice and everything 2010 MAC glitter pigment line. I’m here to keep life on its toes. Glitter never goes away.

You’re here for a very wonderful reason too. Don’t forget that. Don’t hide it. Reconnect with it and show the world what you’re made of.

Can I borrow your charger?

When I moved from Texas to California, I spent a lot of time around people. By the time I got to my new place, I realized I had been on the go, surrounded by humans for about a month straight. No alone time, no chill.

I am one of those introverted extroverts so while I dig being around humans and socializing, if I don’t have alone time every few days, I immediately have a meltdown. I’m irritable, cranky, I hate everything and everyone. My anxiety shoots through the roof. I’m a danger to society.

I’m obviously not the only person who feels this way. There’s a whole tribe of us who need a good night by ourselves in order to function. It’s like having that phone charger that only works when you hold it at a 45 degree angle when its 47 degrees and sunny.

So how do you manage in a world that’s super demanding on your time and energy? How do you balance the need to get out and be social and hole up to recharge?

First, I think it’s critical to accept your ambiguous self for who you are. I need time to myself. And if its too much time, I get depressed and need to be around people. I know that about myself. Instead of trying to justify it, explain it, or change it, I’m owning it. I don’t have to make sense to anyone, that’s not my purpose in life.

Along these lines, don’t apologize. Don’t explain. You need to take care of yourself. There’s no reason to make yourself more anxious and exhausted by attempting to explain the way you feel to someone who isn’t understanding. It’s really okay to say, this is what I’m doing. No, I can’t go. Quit providing a reason. The people who belong in your life, they don’t need one.

Next you need to be aware. It’s really easy to get busy and not manage your time nor yourself well. You make too many plans, you make no plans, you’re extra busy at work, traveling, all the things. Life comes at you fast. If you’re not pausing to check in with your calendar and yourself, you’re going to get in the danger zone. As someone who traditionally travels a lot for work, is in a job that forces me to be around people 24/7, and who involves herself in fitness classes with people - I often forget that’s a lot of time with other people. On the flip though, I’ll get overwhelmed from those things and say I’m not doing anything during the week/this weekend and then I’ve done the opposite, I’ve hermitted myself in my apartment with no social time.

I like to apply my 5/5 rule that I use at work to my personal life. Take 5 minutes in the morning to see what your day is going to look like and where you need to adjust and then take 5 minutes at the end of the day to see where you landed. When you check in with yourself, you can take inventory of what needs to change before you get in a bad place. And that’s the goal, stay as even as you possibly can with the knowledge that life is weird, that doesn’t always occur.

I’m a list girl. Lists are beautiful. I like to keep a list on hand (seriously, in my phone, what a nerd) of quick ways to feed whatever I need. If I’m feeling really overwhelmed and exhausted, I can take 10 minutes for a face mask when I get home, take a hot shower, put my headphones in and go for a run. And equally if I’m feeling lonely or sad, I’ve got my go to squad to reach out to for a text, call, or dinner.

With that being said, you have to put in the work. Just like keeping yourself physically healthy is a lot of planning, acting, and then reacting, so is mental health. It also means doing a lot of experimenting. What works for me might not work for you. And what you might have done two years ago, might not work now. There’s no magical formula for how to recharge and realign your world. There’s also no good formula that lasts forever, just like there’s no bad formula that’s permanent.