When I moved from Texas to California, I spent a lot of time around people. By the time I got to my new place, I realized I had been on the go, surrounded by humans for about a month straight. No alone time, no chill.
I am one of those introverted extroverts so while I dig being around humans and socializing, if I don’t have alone time every few days, I immediately have a meltdown. I’m irritable, cranky, I hate everything and everyone. My anxiety shoots through the roof. I’m a danger to society.
I’m obviously not the only person who feels this way. There’s a whole tribe of us who need a good night by ourselves in order to function. It’s like having that phone charger that only works when you hold it at a 45 degree angle when its 47 degrees and sunny.
So how do you manage in a world that’s super demanding on your time and energy? How do you balance the need to get out and be social and hole up to recharge?
First, I think it’s critical to accept your ambiguous self for who you are. I need time to myself. And if its too much time, I get depressed and need to be around people. I know that about myself. Instead of trying to justify it, explain it, or change it, I’m owning it. I don’t have to make sense to anyone, that’s not my purpose in life.
Along these lines, don’t apologize. Don’t explain. You need to take care of yourself. There’s no reason to make yourself more anxious and exhausted by attempting to explain the way you feel to someone who isn’t understanding. It’s really okay to say, this is what I’m doing. No, I can’t go. Quit providing a reason. The people who belong in your life, they don’t need one.
Next you need to be aware. It’s really easy to get busy and not manage your time nor yourself well. You make too many plans, you make no plans, you’re extra busy at work, traveling, all the things. Life comes at you fast. If you’re not pausing to check in with your calendar and yourself, you’re going to get in the danger zone. As someone who traditionally travels a lot for work, is in a job that forces me to be around people 24/7, and who involves herself in fitness classes with people - I often forget that’s a lot of time with other people. On the flip though, I’ll get overwhelmed from those things and say I’m not doing anything during the week/this weekend and then I’ve done the opposite, I’ve hermitted myself in my apartment with no social time.
I like to apply my 5/5 rule that I use at work to my personal life. Take 5 minutes in the morning to see what your day is going to look like and where you need to adjust and then take 5 minutes at the end of the day to see where you landed. When you check in with yourself, you can take inventory of what needs to change before you get in a bad place. And that’s the goal, stay as even as you possibly can with the knowledge that life is weird, that doesn’t always occur.
I’m a list girl. Lists are beautiful. I like to keep a list on hand (seriously, in my phone, what a nerd) of quick ways to feed whatever I need. If I’m feeling really overwhelmed and exhausted, I can take 10 minutes for a face mask when I get home, take a hot shower, put my headphones in and go for a run. And equally if I’m feeling lonely or sad, I’ve got my go to squad to reach out to for a text, call, or dinner.
With that being said, you have to put in the work. Just like keeping yourself physically healthy is a lot of planning, acting, and then reacting, so is mental health. It also means doing a lot of experimenting. What works for me might not work for you. And what you might have done two years ago, might not work now. There’s no magical formula for how to recharge and realign your world. There’s also no good formula that lasts forever, just like there’s no bad formula that’s permanent.