In a world focused on likes, the number of friends on your Facebook, and who you know - it's hard to remember that YOU are number one. That your relationship with yourself is the most important relationship you will ever have.
Growing up, I was always a bit of a beat to her own drum kind of kid. But I also wanted to be well liked. Instead of embracing everything that made me unique, I often conformed to whatever group I thought I should be like at any given time. And that's an exhausting way to live life.
I was often accused of being too much. Too loud, too feisty, too opinionated. It's been assumed my upbeat demeanor means I'm dumb. I've been told I'm too intimidating. Too picky. The point is - I've let a lot of people tell me a lot of things about who I should be. And that got me to a really dark unhappy place.
As hurtful as it is to hear people you care about tell you such ugly things about yourself, you have to learn to ignore it. I was recently told - would it be nice if your people accepted you? Yes. But it's really freeing to not need that. To accept yourself. So that's what I'm doing.
I'm a wonderful person. I'm kind, caring, fiercely loyal, passionate, and committed to standing up for myself and others. I'm loud, sometimes I put my foot in my mouth, I've been known to raise my voice in a fit of frustration, and I've said mean things to people I love. I'm a work in progress. But I am a wonderful person. And I can honestly say I love who I am.
That's a really big step for me. To make the decision to own up to my entire package and say - I'm doing ok. I'm going to choose to respect the opinions of others who don't agree - but I will not let them define me. Only I can define who I am. And who I will continue to grow and become. And I feel so incredibly free being able to not only say that out loud, but to actively work to retrain my brain and to believe it.
We all have our doubts. We all let the words of others get to us. We all have days where we question who we are. But the key to personal growth and success is to be strong enough to minimize those days. To come back stronger.
So let's talk about how to self love. I'd like to leave you with some tools that I am putting into practice on my journey - I hope they help you too:
- Celebrate your strengths: Every morning, write down a quality about you that's awesome. Today I wrote down that I'm strong. I'm a fighter and I'll make it through anything.
- Acknowledge your areas of growth: Notice I don't say weaknesses. Areas of growth are things like you have a temper, or you have trouble listening, etc. Today I wrote down anxiety. I need to get back to utilizing my tools to control my anxiety.
- Surround yourself with people who do love you for you: You need cheerleaders. Keep those people so very close. They're people who accept you, the good the bad the ugly. I meet with girlfriends weekly to support each other, talk about our frustrations, and to laugh. It's incredibly healing and uplifting for us all and I'm beyond grateful for this time. The no judgment zone is the most freeing place to be
- Find your Zen: What makes you happy? What relaxes you? I love working out, I love writing, and I love reading. When I'm not having a good mental day - I do these things to reset my mindset. Do whatever works. A manicure, shopping, cooking, honestly anything that distracts you and allows you to refocus your negative mindset to a healthier one.
- Be ok with not being ok: Not every day is a sparkly day. That's ok. You're allowed to have a bad day. Utilize it to understand why you're there and come back stronger the next day.
- Reflect and Evaluate: Take time throughout the year to reflect on where you were and where you're at and where you're headed. Mental health awareness is huge. Are you stuck in a rut? Are you depressed or frustrated? Where are you at and if its not a good place, acknowledge it and seek out help. If you're growing and happy and thriving, celebrate that and focus on keeping along that path.
- Pay it Forward: Be kind and encouraging to others. not only does it help others which is incredible, it helps YOU to feel good. All around, it helps everyone and helps with your development. And its just good karma.
At the end of the day - if you don't love you, its hard for everyone else to. Working on yourself and recognizing self love is not selfish it is critical to your growth and sanity. It's ok to say I need to step away from this unhealthy situation, that you disagree when someone calls you unlikeable, to take time to find yourself. If you're not in a good place with you, you can't possibly be putting good back out there for everyone else. Focus on number one once in awhile, for the good of everyone.
#SparkleOn