I’ve always considered my ability to maintain control of my emotions as an edge. I am tough. I am strong. I am stable. I don’t cry. That’s been my edge. The thing that allows me to get ahead is my edge.
One of my greatest fears in going to therapy has been that I would lose my edge. The truth is that therapy has strengthened my edge by honing it into a useful tool.
Because I have learned how to express my emotions in a healthy way without shaming myself for having feelings in the first place, I have only grown stronger. I connect in a real way with the people I love. I find support in the team around me. At work, I am more than just an employee.
Connecting with your inner demons and learning how to manage anxiety does not make me soft. It makes me stronger and more alert than I have ever been in my life.
Your edge is what makes you uniquely you. It’s whatever allows you to be fully present in the person that you are.
Think about that. If you are strong all the time, share nothing, show no feelings - how do you ever form real relationships? How is it a strength if nobody can ever connect with you at your core?
I’ve sort of begun to think of therapy as softening my edges and making them approachable. Instead of being all sharp corners, I’m soft curves for fitting other people into my world. I’ve gotten rid of the spikes to keep people way and put little pockets in their place for things and people to fit neatly into the world I choose to build. And the great thing about pockets? You can empty and fill them up as needed. Because things change.
You don’t lose your edge by being open and seeking solutions to help you in your mental health struggles. You reshape those edges into your best features.