I am certain I have already met my husband. A few times.
The thing is, I don’t believe in soulmates. And I know that I have met at least two, maybe three men I could have married and had a perfectly wonderful life with. Sincerely. Not even an OK life with one, a really amazing life.
Yet timing is everything. And I’m not sure at those stages in my life, I would have been ready for that level of commitment.
And lately it has me wondering, just how many opportunities do you get in life to miss out on your happily ever after?
I don’t subscribe to what is meant to be is yours. I firmly believe we are active participants in our stories and timing can play a role, but you also have to be the lead character in order to secure your storybook ending.
I take full ownership for the fact that I was unable to make commitments to these men when they were presented to me as possible ever afters. Two of them are married, happily. And I root for them so much because they are good people. Their spouses are some of the best women. I actively cheer for them.
And yet at 33, I wonder, is my story going to be that I missed my opportunity for a leading man?
Growing up, I had the vision that I’d get married, have 2.5 children - do all the things we are taught to do. And yet, the older I get, the more I find that vision might not be what I really want.
I’m not willing to compromise. I don’t want to be the 50% statistic that ends in divorce. I don’t want to wait for a significant other when I could be out making my own adventure. I don’t think I want to ever be pregnant. I think about adopting.
I love the idea of doing life with a partner. But I also have started to think about life as my own partner.
The fact is I don’t like online dating. I don’t want to spend my time chasing men or waiting in places I think they’ll be at. I want to continue to grow, travel, smile, laugh, and make the most out of what time I have on this Earth. And if someone comes along and fits into that, I’m open to it.
Being 33 and single, it can feel hard. It can feel shameful. It’s a society that teaches you the end goal is to build a life together, check off all the boxes.
Some of us have different boxes we’d like to check off.
I’d like to encourage you to do what works for you. And only you.
We all miss opportunities. But I think we create new ones by choosing to see those original opportunities as cards we chose not to draw.