The Evolution of an Activist

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about activism. It’s no secret that if you’ve known me for a long time, I’ve greatly evolved into someone who is spending a lot of time on educating myself and being more active in social justice.

I would say that I’ve always considered myself relatively aware but certainly not openly outspoken on things like Black Lives Matter, sexual assault, immigration - the list goes on.

And therein lies the problem.

I have been passively active instead of fiercely an advocate for others.

Obviously growing up I experienced life in a sheltered and less diverse space. A lot of the problems of the people in society that deal with everyday racism, sexism, and hate never really affected me. Or so I thought.

In reality, it’s been everywhere around me, I just existed in a place of privilege and lack of information to really acknowledge the problem. I was part of the problem.

Realizing that I have actively been part of the problem by passively being part of the solution has been an awakening for me.

I think over the years as I decided to embrace myself, confront my traumas, and trust who I am rather than who people always told me I am; I started to feel a deep need to stop hiding in my privilege.

That has led to some people speaking to me about how much “I’ve changed.” How I’m “angry" and “not accepting of other beliefs.”

I would argue that each and every one of those accusations is true. And I’m so proud that they are.

I have changed. It was about time. I am a citizen of the world and just because I’ve been dealt a better hand than some others does not mean I shouldn't use that hand to extend to another.

I am angry. I’m really angry that in 2020 we are so behind in basic humanity. I am so angry children are in cages, Black men and women are being killed by the police and that women are being raped and the attackers are called “one of the good guys.”

I am not only unwilling to accept anyone who disagrees with these things, I am openly going to call you out on these horrific practices and how you are contributing to the problem.

And I make no apologies for the new me.

You don’t owe anyone an explanation for how you choose to grow, evolve and become a better person. You don’t have to explain why, you don’t have to prove metrics, you don’t have to do anything but evolve. Because anyone who chooses not to evolve is not someone who is on a path to better themselves.

It’s taken awhile for me to understand who I want to be and what I want to be to the people around me and to this world. That’s included pissing off, confusing, and losing some friends and family. And it’s sad, of course it is. To say I’ve never stopped to say “am I on the right path” to myself would be a lie. But every single time the answer is yes.

I am on the right path. I am working to change the world, even if it’s just one tiny piece of that world for even one person.

I’m evolving. I will always be evolving. I’m learning and I’m sitting in uncomfortable situations, I’m having the hard conversations and I’m confronting the things that I am doing wrong while unlearning how I got to that place.

The person I am now is someone I deeply deeply love and feel pride in. I light up when I talk about things like equality, how to help survivors of sexual assault, anti-racism, fixing our broken political system, women’s rights to our bodies — these are the things that I talk faster about, raise my voice and shake my fists and make my heart beat fast. I do believe we can make changes in my lifetime. Even little ones.

The person I am now is also not for everyone. If she’s not for you, grab onto some sparkle fumes on your way to the back because I plan to keep marching on; with or without your support.

Actively Exhausted

When it comes to being active in social responsibility, I am certainly not quiet.  I have been very vocal regarding my beliefs and actions.  I believe it is our responsibility as humans to speak up. Recently, I've felt exhausted.  Every time I sit down to type a blog about women's rights, racial equality, healthcare - whatever it may be - I feel too drained to get anything on the page.

I have so much passion inside me for human rights and social policy and yet lately - I can't find the emotional capacity to write about it, let alone talk about it.  I want people to understand the importance of #MeToo (or really understand it at all for some of you who think its only about sexual harassment).  I want people to get the value of taking a knee and use the conversation to take action.  I need for women's bodies to be under our own control and for the rest of the world to realize how wrong it is to have any control over my reproductive system.  And at the same time - I need a break from all of this.

I don't want to hear how privileged I am to be able to shut my eyes and cover my ears from the world - even if for only 5 minutes.  I know that I am lucky that I don't live every second of the horrifying world some people do as a result of hate, ignorance - or just plain shitty policy.  Someone else will always have it worse than I do.  It's simply how the world turns.  We are all better off and worse off than someone else out there.

I digress - I. Am. EXHAUSTED.  And I started thinking - if I'm exhausted, there are probably a lot of other people out there feeling the same way.  I don't know how else to explain to other people that they should care about other people.  I don't know how to look someone in the eye and challenge them to consider we need to work together or none of us will make it.  I just don't know how else to fight for what's right.

Unlike my other blogs - I don't have a solution.  I don't have steps to make this better.  I want to hear from YOU.  How do you keep up the energy, the fire, and the fight?  I am not ignorant, I am aware that I have a very small impact on this thing.  But I also know if I give up, someone else is thinking of giving up, and pretty soon - the movement ends.  The people who don't care, win.  And everyone ultimately loses.  

So what do you do?  How do you re-energize your passions?  Let me know sequins, I want to keep doing my part and I want to prevent this burnout for the future.  Help a sister out!