I pride myself on putting everyone before myself. I wore that shit like a badge of honor for a good 32 years. And it was exhausting.
It’s impossible to sustain a life of service to others if you are not also taking care of yourself.
And that’s what has happened to me. I’m doing A LOT at my job. Taking on probably more than I should. I have been living the most in life. Doing a lot more than I probably should. I’ve run myself to empty.
Because of that, I have started to draw away from others and exist within my own circle.
Which is really hard for me. I feel guilty for not returning calls and texts.
I just do not have the capacity to care though.
Sure, that sounds selfish - but I deserve that. I am always there for my people. Always. I am a good friend, partner and family member.
What I learned though is that I was letting myself run ragged to take care of everyone else. That took me to a really dark place. I was often emotionally and physically sick and because I don’t ask for help, I had no place to go.
At 33, I’ve realized I cannot sustain a healthy happy lifestyle if I am putting everyone else first. So I’m over everyone right now.
Harsh? Maybe.
Realistic and necessary? Absolutely.
I should be selfish. I’m a dope human being. I deserve to love and feel my own sparkle vibes.
I’m not going to feel selfish or guilty for taking the time I need to get myself to a good place. OK, I’m going to try not to feel these things. Try really hard.
It’s entirely possible, and actually entirely critical to be selfish. You have to fill up your own cup before you can possibly help anyone else. The people who know and love you, they’re going to be there for that time in your life. Over and over. And if they’re your tried and true tribe, they’ll even be standing by your side checking in on you and encouraging you to do what you need to do.
Me, myself, and I - we are over you because we need to be into us.