By popular demand, reader feedback (You guys people are actually reading this), and the fact that I have so much to say - Dating in 2016 is going to be a series. Part 2 is thanks to my good friend Steve and his office. Let's talk dating expectations.
It's 2016. We've gotten so lazy that you can now swipe right instead of making an actual booty call. What a time to be alive!
Now I've changed this scenario somewhat because its my website and I'll do what I want. Let's begin. Suzy is 28, met Joe on Tinder and they've gone on 4 dates. Sally is 45, met Bob on eHarmony and they've gone on 4 dates too. Suzy and Sally have each been invited to Joe and Bob's homes for dinner. Suzy goes into date 5 at Joe's assuming there is an expectation of a hookup. Sally does not. This prompted a much debated discussion in the office: What are the dating expectations today? In a culture fueled by sex and blurred labels - what's the normal?
Being that I'm diligent in my research and lacking of a filter - I asked around. I polled strangers (which was super awkward and equally delightful), I asked family, and I made my friends give me the dirtiest of details. Here's what I not surprisingly discovered:
Scientific Findings (aka Proven fact because #Science)
- Younger generations (35 and below) have expectations of getting some a lot sooner than those say 40+
- Men tend to assume a home date equals getting some more than women but most people 35 and under say its a general assumption regardless of their gender.
- Most older individuals I spoke to think our generation has lost the art of romance. They believe we don't take marriage seriously and we tend to look for the next best thing
- A good percentage of those I polled (again age 35 and younger) agree that by date three there's definite physical contact expected
- Of the older crowd I asked most had 5 or fewer lifetime partners and that there shouldn't be any expectations about physical contact at any time but should happen when a serious relationship is established after some time
Personally, I do think a lot of our generation and the next are living in a world of relationship expectations. And a lot of those expectations are physical. We like to live in a world of "when are we having sex" but refuse to define "what we are." At the end of the day its whatever works for each person - but the more I hear about kids younger and younger involved sexually, the more I worry for my future kids. We've gone from expecting formal dates with chivalry to just hoping the tinder date looks like their profile picture and won't kill us. And the minute you ask someone about expectations, the assumption is physical. It's not about expectations of relationships or dating or emotional anything, just sex. Let me pose a few questions:
- What are some of your dating expectations and timelines?
- If a partner sets expectations of formal dates and old school chivalry - are you likely to consider her high maintenance (let's face it this isn't a man asking for this.)?
- How long are you willing to wait for physical contact outside of kissing?
- When do you consider yourself dating someone exclusively?
Would love some feedback! Comment below or send me an email. Part 3 may include your feedback...
AND - if you've got some good dating topics you want explored, please email me! If I can make them awkward, funny or insightful, I'll use them!