Unless you're living under a rock, you're aware of the wave of sexual harassment and assault allegations in the news. It seems like every day another high profile man is being accused (and often proven) to be someone who has participated in sexual harassment or assault.
As someone who has unfortunately experienced both - I feel torn by the number of women and men coming forward.
I am proud of the victims for coming forward.
I am relieved we are talking about something that is not uncommon.
I cringe because I know the pressure on these victims to prove what they have gone through
I am scared that most likely, some of these accusers are lying and thus setting the rest of us back.
I have been a victim of sexual harassment and sexual assault. More than once. While I am more comfortable discussing the sexual harassment I have faced both in my daily life and at the office, I haven't even talked about the assault to my family. I did not report it. I still do not feel comfortable talking about it. And I am not alone.
I've worked in sports most of my life. I'm generally at home in environments that are a little less business formal and a little more frat party. It takes a lot to offend me. And it's damn near impossible to make me feel uncomfortable.
But when I am confronted at my hotel room by a drunk colleague, sent sexual text messages by the President of my company, and had my chest grabbed at a bar - I feel violated.
When I am told to wear a low cut top to a meeting with all men, that the best part about watching me at practice is my boobs bouncing, and having a deal fall through because I wouldn't go out with the owner - I feel devalued.
Sexual harassment, the PTSD from it, the stress of having to relive it - to prove it happened - to explain why it is a big deal - it's all very real.
The fear of when to come forward, how to come forward, what's going to happen when you do - it's all very real.
A lot of being a victim is feeling things in waves. You feel shame. You question your experience. You feel brave enough to speak up. You feel fear for what that results in. You feel proud for standing up for your worth. You feel everything. It's highs and lows and everything in between. I haven't gotten off of that wave yet, I'm not sure I ever will.
For once, I'm not here to prove a point. I don't aim to change anyone's mind. If you don't believe in the seriousness of sexual harassment - if you don't understand the defining principle behind sexual assault - I cannot help you. If the battle you choose to fight is to prove these women wrong when the evidence shows otherwise - there's not much hope for you to begin with.
I don't know what my driving message is or my call to action. I haven't been able to tell my entire story nor heal from how that story has changed my path, who am I to provide anyone with a solution? I'll leave you with this --
Keep your hands to yourself. If it feels wrong, it is. If you have to justify your actions, they were wrong.
Raise your tiny humans to do better, be better, and act better. Challenge yourself to be kinder, respect each other more, and listen to learn. Choose to surround yourself with people who value human decency, challenge the status quo, and force you to leave others better than you found them.