Baby Fever

A lot of people aren’t going to like this one. I don’t really care for most babies.

I love the family babes, I am obsessed with my friend’s babies (probably too much so but LOOK AT THEM) - but babies in general, I don’t like them.

Society teaches women that when we see babies, we are supposed to immediately fawn over them. There’s this expectation that when we see a baby, we are supposed to smile and coo and our ovaries explode. Mine do not. When I see a baby, it reminds me to take my birth control.

If I see your strange baby in public, I want it to be quiet. I don’t want to hold it. I don’t feel the need to make faces at it because its smiling at me. If it’s on my flight, I’m going to mostly hate it and wish you left it at Grandma’s.

And there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.

A lot of people act like there is though. People act like I’m a monster when I don’t immediately melt at the sight of a child. If I’m annoyed that you’re letting your tiny human run all over, pull, kick, scream - I’m considered the rude one.

You chose to have the baby. And for the most part, you really cannot control all its noises and bodily functions, it can’t even do that. But have some respect for the fact that your baby is yours, not mine. And it is not my job to cater my life to your child simply because I have a uterus. Please stop expecting all women to be enamored with babies and children.

Strange child, I want nothing to do with you.

I get it, that’s sort of an extreme. Especially when it comes to the babies of my friends and family, I am beyond obsessed. Genuinely so. I want to hangout with their babies and buy them presents and snuggle their sweet faces. These babies are going to change the world and I love them so much.

But strange babies, I don’t know you, I really don’t care enough to pretend to enjoy you in my personal space.

I think it’s dope if your goal in life is to be a mom and you get that goal. But the next time you are out and about with junior, remember that while your life revolves around them, mine does not. And I am not less of a woman for that.

Your body, your choice. My body, my choice. Respect every woman’s decision about children. The world doesn’t revolve around you and your baby simply because you had one.

We're Waiting

I am so proud to see women everywhere speaking up. Women are demanding equality, refusing to be complacent with abuse, and we are not backing down. But the thing is, women are always speaking up. It’s just usually for everyone else. What I’d like to see is men speaking up for the women they love and receive so much support from.

Women are the strongest human beings on the planet. We can do anything. And yet, we shouldn’t have to do everything.

I want to see men speak up. I’m waiting for men to say you shouldn’t have to do this alone.

When it comes to abortion, sexual assault, workplace equality - it takes two to tango. There are men involved and affected. Speak up.

Say my partner had an abortion and it was the best thing for me too. This girl I had a one night stand with got pregnant and she chose to have an abortion and I support her right to choose what to do with her body because SHE and ONLY she knows what is best for that body.

Tell us about a time you probably pressured someone into doing more than they intended to, and say I’m sorry, I was wrong. If you see someone groping a woman in a bar, stop it. At work, if a woman is being treated unfairly, say so. Don’t interrupt women in meetings. Ensure you have women at work and that those women have a voice.

Speak up.

And stop pretending it is scary to do so.

Nobody knows the right thing to say. ASK. Ask how you can be an ally. Ask what can I do if I see this happen and how can I best show that I am on your team and you matter.

Get involved.

Have open conversations with women around you. Listen to how they feel. Be willing to accept honest feedback regarding your own behaviors. Actively work to change any attitudes or actions that do not promote equality or safe environments for women.

Like any marginalized group, women need allies. We need brave men who are willing to be advocates for our journey. Just as POC need white people to say whoa fellow white people, we are a problem in these ways and here’s how I plan to be better - women need men to do the same.

Is it easy? Nope. But thank your privilege you have the ability to choose whether or not to speak up, we do not have that luxury. Acknowledge that privilege. And then get over it and get to work.

Do the women in your life matter? They should. They are human beings. Do the women in your world inspire you? They should, they’re changing the world. Do the future women in your life motivate you to be a better man? They should, they are our future.

Women are mothers and CEO’s and Doctors and teachers and caregivers and partners and world class athletes and friends and most importantly, human beings deserving of an equal shot at this life we are living.

Show them you not only believe that, but you’re willing to talk about it until it becomes a reality.

Speak Up

I am so obsessed with David Letterman’s Netflix show in which he interviews various prominent personalities in the world. I recently watched the episode with Ellen in which she so candidly spoke about her childhood trauma being sexually abused at the hands of her stepfather. The thing that stuck with me most was when she talked about women not having a voice.

So often we are made to feel small. We can’t speak up because we are too bossy. We must smile and offer opinions, but nothing too over the top. It’s okay to dismiss a romantic advancement but don’t be too pushy or you’re not that pretty anyways. Women are constantly taught to stay in our lane or be knocked off the track.

I’m a confident, very opinionated - woman. And yet there are still many times in which I have to stop and question when I should speak up. How much I should say. The tone I take. First and foremost for my own physical safety. But also because how I respond matters. It matters in relationships, at work, in public - how I use my voice is scrutinized in every setting simply because I am a woman.

Some people wonder why we are now having so many women speak up about sexual harassment and assault. They say we have to be making it up because how is this “all the sudden” happening everywhere we turn? Men are “afraid” to be around women at work and in bars because they “don’t want to be accused of being a bad guy.”

This stuff isn’t new. It’s been happening for hundreds of years. We just haven’t been able to use our voices to say stop. We have been belittled to the point of questioning whether or not we did make something a big deal. Maybe we were mistaken. Sure it was bad but I’m okay now so is it really that big of a deal? We talk ourselves out of feeling offended or taken advantage of or abused because we don’t get the voice that men do in life.

When people in the spotlight come forward, when everyday women use their voices to say no more, women collectively get to raise our voices. We get to all feel like it’s okay to speak a little louder. Turn up the volume on the representation.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, America was not built for women. Women are not mentioned anywhere in the Constitution. And so society as we know it was not built to keep women in mind. We don’t get a voice according to the forefathers.

Women were not given a voice in the world. And so we started out silent. But we are finding our voices now. And I sure as hell hope we continue to turn the volume up.

This is America

I am ashamed, appalled, angry - I am every fiery feeling there could be towards the treatment of women in America. Guns are regulated less than my body. A rapist has more rights than I do when it comes to keeping me safe.

It’s 2019 and I am exhausted.

I’m exhausted from explaining to other people that as a human being, I am the only person who should have the right to decide what happens to my own body.

I am unable to form sentences anymore to explain why we need to teach men more about sexual assault.

Women are the strongest human beings on the planet.

And yet we are the most regulated people in the world. Regulated by men who can never possibly understand anything about how we exist.

What I’d like to say about abortion is that no matter what law you make, abortion will occur. You cannot ban abortion. That is impossible. What you’re doing is compromising women’s healthcare and if you are “pro life (ridiculous term)” you are not supporting life when you oppose abortion. You are simply privileged enough that this does not affect you. No uterus? No opinion. Not one say in this except, your body, your choice. I would like to loudly, proudly, without caveat say that if I choose in my life to ever have an abortion, I will do so. Without shame, without hesitation, without remorse. And I will not allow anyone in my world to bully me because of that. You support me, or you are not in my life. End of story. What is best for my body and my life, will forever be what is my guiding light.

I’d like to say a little more about sexual assault because although I didn’t report it back then, I will not shut up about it now. The most basic rule of life is to keep your hands to yourselves. And yet we are in a time that there is every excuse in the book for men to blatantly refuse this rule. We blame the women. We blame beer. We put people in the highest office in the land and we shame the victim. It is unacceptable and it is inhumane. My rapist most likely does not consider what he did rape. He probably doesn’t think about it. Probably never did think about it as anything but a drunken night of sex with a cute girl in college. I wasn’t drunk. I remember and I think about it all of the time. I think about it when I am alone with a man I don’t know. I think about it the first time I am intimate with a man I do know. I think about it at work. I think about it in a crowd. I think about it when I cannot sleep. I think about it when I am unable to commit to a relationship with someone. I think about it when I tell people that I am a survivor. I never not think about it.

I am in therapy and yet I still consider myself a little bit broken, damaged packaging even because I am a survivor. For years, I called myself a victim. The thing is, had I reported 15 years ago, I am 100% confident my life would have been worse. I would have been put in the spotlight, forced to relive what I went through. Questioned, shamed for my sexual history. I don’t know if I could have survived that, I don’t know if I would have wanted to. I don’t know who would have believed me.

You think women are not capable of handling decisions around our own bodies? We certainly handle the decisions you force upon us every single day as survivors. I have been attacked at knife point, raped, harassed about the shape of my curves because I’m too sexual looking, hit by a boyfriend; and I am here. I am surviving, thriving, and I am fighting back. I am the ONLY person who can handle the decisions that come with the body I was born with.

The absolute bottom line here is that my body is my choice. At all times. And there is no law that should ever be able to compromise my rights to that body.

I'm sorry

Part of growing and accepting myself has revolved around not being sorry for existing. Women specifically have often been taught to exist quietly. We apologize often, beg off compliments, and often try our best to blend in.

I’ve never been able to blend in. And I never will be.

I am forever guilty of begging off compliments, sharing credit when its mine to own, and apologizing for being a really big personality.

It’s exhausting.

And the more I grow and love myself, the more people are intimidated by that. I’ve been called arrogant, too much, bossy - honestly I’ve heard it all.

When you choose to love yourself, to stop apologizing for existing, you have to accept that not everyone is so brave. They may try to break you down because they cannot do what you have done. That is not yours to own.

Start recognizing when you apologize or belittle yourself. Take the time to stop, correct the behavior, and move forward. The more you do so, the more you’ll find you stop apologizing.

I’m not saying I’ve mastered the art of this skill. I have my moments where I make myself smaller to make others comfortable. But I’m trying.

The fun part about refusing to be sorry is that the less I do it, the more confident I am. I love myself more. I get this insane sense of faith in myself and what I can do for this world.

Who are you to shrink yourself to make others comfortable? What if you could change the world but you stayed small because you weren’t able to stand up and say I won’t apologize because I have so much to give. I say it often because it seems to prove true with each day - but you have one life. One chance to get the most out of it. Would you rather simply exist or unapologetically thrive?

Women at Work

In a previous role, I experienced quite a bit of harassment. It was an old boys club through and through. Led by the most insecure and unprofessional manager I have ever had. I lasted about a year and a half before I finally spoke up and confided in another man in the company what I had been experiencing outside of the normal “bad boss” situations.

And you know what happened? He went directly to that manager and the next day, I was called in and they let me go. Sure - they knew they were in the wrong, so money was exchanged as a “severance” of sorts, but realistically, we all knew what it was.

Unfortunately - I think this is a commonplace in many industries. The behavior or men and the way women are treated is often excused. Women are told we are manufacturing these situations, overreacting, or blatantly lying. And I think even worse than the men who commit these acts are the men who watch it happen and say nothing.

I lost all respect for the man who had an opportunity to help right a wrong and instead chose to participate in making it worse. He is part of the problem.

More and more we talk about a see something say something mentality. I don’t think we are there yet. I’d love to believe we are, but I just don’t see enough men stepping up to say woah, this is wrong. And so the cycle continues. Especially in industries dominated by men.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve sat in a room as the only woman and listened to men make inappropriate comments, gestures - and not one other man said anything.

You would think in today’s world, men would start to stand up. Especially because there are so many good men out there who believe in equality.

I watched the Dallas Mavericks allegations unfold and it gave me hope. The women who came forward are so brave. I wish I had done the same, but I didn’t.

Seeing more and more people take a stand against inequality and harassment in the workplace gives me so much hope for future generations. It’s exhausting to be a woman at work. We are paid less, hold less executive positions, and often receive less respect in general. Anything that we can do to start to say (and show) this won’t fly - we should be doing those things.

In my own way — when I’m working with vendors, I try to make sure I’m doing so with companies that are ethical. If I see a post on LinkedIn from a vendor that conveys a poor image or represents ignorance, I’ll make a mental note not to work with them. Because ethics in business matter to me.

At the end of the day you shouldn’t have two different identities - work and play. If you’re a sexist bigot at work, that’s who you are in life. The man who chose to handle my situation the way he did, he’s not a good person. You don’t get to excuse who you are at work as “just business.”

I believe women make up 51-53% of the population right now — so the more we speak up, the more you should too. If only to understand, there are more of us and we are angry. We won’t be silenced. Who run this?

Girls.

The Future is Still Female

I often talk about being a woman and how hard that can be in a culture that favors men. Today I'm going to give specific examples of areas it's hard to be a woman and how you can become a strong woman by turning that situation in your favor. Sometimes all it takes is a shift in perspective to shift the odds in your favor.

1. The Glass Ceiling

We all know about the wage gap. It's real. It's really hard to be a woman in a world that places men in charge more often than women, that pays women less for the same work, and that still chastises women for being strong when it praises men for the same behavior. Acknowledge these things and forget them. Do what men do. Ask for what you deserve, and be prepared to walk away if you aren't given it. Own the idea as your own, stop giving credit where credit is not due. If you're called a bitch for standing up for yourself, stop the dialogue right there. Don't be intimidated by the attempts to shut down your strength. It takes a lot of energy and confidence to put these things into action. You have to believe in yourself and you will have to repeat these things over and over. But men don't apologize for being loud. They take the credit, sometimes when it's not theirs to take. And they ask for the raise. The only way for you to get the same respect, the additional money, the title - you've got to speak up. And you've got to ignore the people who shame you for these things. The right company, the right culture - they'll recognize the value you provide, and they'll appreciate the strong woman you are because it benefits their bottom line as much as it does yours.

2. The Harassment

Harassment happens daily for most of us. Between cat calls, inappropriate behavior, unwanted touching, and so much more - women face a lot of behavior that's just plain wrong. It gives us emotions that ranges from uncomfortable to legitimate fear. Quote honestly, I'm with Iliza Schleisinger, it stems from the fact that men are born stronger than women. They know that we can't overpower them in most cases. And that's what stops us a lot of times. Even when we get brave and speak up, there's that little moment you think "Oh shit, is he going to kill me?" And that sucks. However, not saying anything, that's even scarier. Take the power away. Call out the abuser. And if you have to, take appropriate legal action. In the workplace, at the grocery store, at the bars, stop this behavior in its tracks. And when you see it happening to others, say something. You don't owe anyone their comfort when they've stolen yours. You don't have to laugh. And you don't have to explain yourself. If you feel unsafe, that's enough to justify a response. Call it out, take proper recourse, and continue doing so. Let them call you angry, let them claim they weren't interested in you, let them shame you. That's not on you, that's on them. They know what they did was wrong. Encourage your male counterparts to speak up too. Talk to them frankly, explain how these things make you feel. How they're not ok. That's the only way we stop this. By not allowing it to slide by without a word.

3. Feminists are Angry Man Hating Women

First of all, we are angry. We are angry because we want equality. But feminists don't hate men. The only thing feminists want are equal rights. When you hear people labeling feminists as man haters, dykes, or other derogatory misguided comments - correct these people. Often times, you can't change their minds, but you should sure as hell try. There are a lot of uneducated people, sadly, a lot of women, who have no idea what feminism is. Maybe they're shown poor examples or maybe, they're ignorant - bottom line, stop and make the correction. Feminism isn't going anywhere, best to show we are a force to be reckoned with in the best possible way. And be a good example of what it means to be a feminist. The strongest way we can push our agenda is to exist as strong women. Watch the way you speak about women and men. Are you living a life that shows equality is your focus? Check yourself and make changes where you need to in order to truly focus on what being a feminist means.

4. The Pressures of looking perfect

This one is my favorite because what does perfect even mean? Personally, I have no desire to look like a lot of IG models/real models/celebrities. My ideal body type is strong, healthy, and a little curvy. For someone else, they prefer to be thin with minimal curves. The point is, whatever your ideal body type is, that's what perfect is. Additionally, you aren't made to please anyone else. It's not our job to look any certain way for a man (or women if you're gay). You don't owe looking any which way to anyone. Sometimes, I look disgusting and I have the audacity to go out in public when I do - and I won't apologize for that. Stop comparing yourself, stop getting yourself to a place that's unhealthy or unhappy because you need to look a certain way. Begin to talk about yourself and others in a really positive way. Compliment each other on the things you love about you. Instead of focusing on looks, celebrate the successes of who you are. Start young. Teach little girls they're more than how they look. I like to leave myself post its that remind me what I love about me. Some days it is physical (cute butt), but often times it has more to do with who I am. And STOP judging other women based upon their looks. We all judge but redefine how you look at women. Start seeing the positive things (hey girl, love your style) rather than either hating on a heavy/thin woman, change the dialogue because her looks have nothing to do with you.

5. That's not ladylike

Fuck. That. Shit. Seriously. What is ladylike? You know what's ladylike? Being whomever and whatever you like. We already have to give birth (if we so choose), let's go ahead and not make any other demands of a woman, because that's already superhuman. If you want to swear, dress "like a man" (ok society, whatever that means), not step foot in a kitchen in your life - do it. There's no rules. Men and women do not need to fit into defined roles. Being ladylike is owning your truth. Remind people of this when they try to say otherwise. A woman's place is wherever she damn well pleases. The best way to combat this viewpoint is to simply live your life your way. Don't fit into any mold you don't want to. And don't apologize, don't explain - just live your life for you. And live it well.

6. Women who are single are unhappy

This one is so absurd I almost just ignore it. Being single is where I've learned the most about who I am and become the best most confident version of myself. Having an awesome partner is super dope. It makes the adventure a lot of fun (and less expensive). But I don't hate being single. When I'm single, I get to grow and learn a lot about me and who I want to be. Not all single women are looking for relationships. We are not attempting to wife you all. I think the best way to fight back on this one is to laugh. Society is built to back this statement until the death, so countering it is super hard. You get labeled the angry single spinster. You become the bitter one who hates men. There really isn't anything you can say to fight it. So ignore it. Laugh it off. And then keep living your best single life. Quite honestly, instead of arguing about it and your own insecurities (which is the only reason anyone believes in this one), I'd rather be traveling Europe, sipping on sparkly drinks on the beach, or getting my sweat on in a super awesome Pilates class. This one has nothing to do with you and everything to do with the insecurities society has placed on people.

You know what - this one is going to become a series. There are so many examples of situations in which its so difficult to be a woman. And so many ways to combat them. And so many ways to gain a whole lot of confidence in doing so. I hope these help. If you've got situations to submit, shoot me an email, I'd love to address your specific concerns! Get out there and thrive ladies. We are in a time to make a difference and effect change, do your part by being authentic to the cause of equality!

We all have a story.

More often than not, when I find the courage to say out loud that I am a survivor of sexual assault, there is at least one other woman who says me too.

We all have a story.

My story began in college. I was 18 years old. I never reported it. For over 10 years, I never talked about it.

But it happened. And ignoring it has caused a whole new set of complications.

Every story is different. I want to talk about mine because I wish that I had done so sooner. If only to find other women to help me understand I am not alone.

I'd like to tell my story differently in that I'm not going to tell you what happened. The physical act of what happened makes me cringe to this day. But the emotional consequences of sexual assault are what never leave you. They evolve but they do not ever go away.

The Assault

I vividly remember every second of what happened. It happened in a space I knew as one of the safest place I could be. With a man I considered a friend. I don't remember any pain. I don't remember feeling hurt. I do remember every beat of my heart. I remember feeling frozen. I remember being confused. And after it happened, I remember running to a friends dorm and nothing else. Not one other thing that happened that night. Nothing. I don't know what I said. I don't know if I slept there. I don't remember.

The Days Following

I chose not to report what happened for a myriad of reasons. Fear. Guilt. Shame. Anxiety. I didn't talk about it with anyone. I went to class. I went to practice. I went home. I don't remember being any different outwardly. I don't remember anyone asking me if I was okay. But I also don't remember feeling anything. It's so cliche, but I was numb. I don't remember.

Years Following

For a good number of years afterwards, I lost value for myself. I remember feeling worthless but acting out in a way that said I was the most confident woman on the planet. I hated my body. I hated my curves. I hated anything that felt sexual about who I was. I spent a lot of time trying to regain control of my body and my sexuality and said yes when a lot of times, I was screaming no inside. And now I don't remember any of those times.

Now

I feel an incredible guilt for not reporting what happened. I wonder if he's hurt other women. I wonder if that's my fault. I am ashamed that I am so vocal about women's rights and yet I said nothing, to anyone. Who am I to say tell your story, fight back? I didn't.

I see stories like Brock Turner and I feel angry. I read the victim statement and thought to myself, you are not alone. And you are so brave.

I feel fear. I don't like enclosed spaces. I am constantly on guard when I'm in a room full of men. In every situation, I have usually formulated a worst case scenario and a plan for how to escape. When I meet men, I wonder if they only see me for my body.

And I feel ashamed and frustrated because it's been over 10 years and I can't let it go. I can't NOT remember.

I'm shaking right now because I don't want my family to read this. I don't want men to see me as broken because of this.

The truth is, we all have a story. And that story, no matter how hard we try, it can define us for years to come. For me, this isn't the end. I get to write that ending because my story isn't just this one chapter.

If I can offer any advice to those of you who love survivors of assault, it's to love without judgment. Let your person come to you. Listen to whatever they choose to share with you and support them. There is no right way to survive. To survive is enough.

If you are a survivor, I am sorry you're part of this club. I am proud of you for surviving. However you choose to do that, I'm proud of you and I believe in your ability to be stronger because of it.

We all have a story. When do we finally make those stories about stopping the villain?

Quite frankly, women are shown that we don't matter because of how these assaults are handled. The rate in which they occur. We don't matter because men think its okay to grab us in bars. We don't matter because consent is grey. We don't matter because convicted rapists are given a slap on the wrist and a "he's a good guy though."

Our safety, comfort, space - they don't matter.

When we speak up, we have to prove it. We are called dramatic. We are asking for it.

The culture of sexual assault has gotten so out of control that we all have a story.

We all have a story because nobody speaks up. Nobody steps in and says stop. Nobody says I believe you and I'm so sorry. Nobody says this shouldn't have happened and we will fight for you. Nobody says actually that's not okay and there needs to be punishment. Nobody says this can't happen, let's stop it.

Not enough people have said sexual assault is happening and these women matter.

My story is now making sure that I matter. That you matter. And that the women who will face this in the future matter.

We all have a story. What's yours going to be?

Women Supporting Women

I'm a huge fan of humans supporting each other in general, but today I'd like to talk about some women out there hustling for the dream. I'm constantly inspired by women who are able to take their passions and turn them into a business. From blogging to designing, their talents are endless and their drive a fire that's hard to match. Check out some women I know and some I don't (but fan girl over anyways).

Brains Over Blonde (Blogger)

One of my babe squad members sent me to Anna's IG and from there I started reading her blog. Anna is fiercely female and refuses to compromise her femininity or her status as a boss. She's insanely honest, transparent, and relatable.

Castlefield Design (Luxury Branding)

I went to college with Sophie. She's this super educated, aware, and involved (and gorgeous to boot) woman who also happens to be a talented designer. From stationary to clothing to packaging and logos, she does it all. What's better than a custom design that's fresh for your business/event/style?

Lisa Bone Designs (Artist)

Lisa has been a close family friend since as long as I can remember. She's a very talented ceramic artist who sells and shows in galleries in Northern California. She is the one who helped get my mom to discover her passion for making pottery and she's just an incredible human.

Miranda Baugh (Photographer) 

I met Miranda through friends and instantly fell in love with this freaking dope woman. She is now a budding photographer who often utilizes her ridiculously adorable (and sassy) daughter as a subject. Her photos focus on the spirit of people and their life experiences. If you're in AZ, check her out for a shoot. She's also dabbling with blogging and I can't wait to keep reading.

Lesley Murphy (Travel Blogger)

I came across Lesley on IG. She basically dropped everything and decided to travel the world for I believe close to three years. She now has a home base in LA for the first time in years. Her IG is envious with its stunning adventure photos and her posts are insightful. She highlights giving back and something I heavily relate to - she got a double mastectomy to prevent breast cancer after testing positive for the BRCA gene. I love that she's real, seems to have a heart of gold, and she's living my dream life of experiencing all the world has to offer.

Raised By Wolves (Kid's Wear)

My cousin is a total craft genius. She can upcycle, reuse, and repurpose anything to make it DIY gold. She started Raised By Wolves to provide quality, eco friendly clothing and goods for kids and that same craft genius carries through this shop. She's boho meets world traveler meets amazing mama to the sweetest bear cub. Her shop features everything from clothing to books to toys to housewares. And she's big on keeping it local, ethical, yet always fabulous.

Ladies - who are your favorite female business owners or simply just women who inspire you and you crush on for how freaking awesome they are?

Toxic Masculinity

Sexual harassment and the way in which men behave have been such a hot topic in the media.  Between locker room culture and the good ole boys club, there is a movement to really define what toxic masculinity is and how we change the way in which our boys and men are interacting with women and each other.  

What is toxic masculinity?  I'm not sure anyone has truly defined it to the level that we have an acceptable understanding of its meaning.  In general terms, It refers to the socially-constructed attitudes that describe the masculine gender role as violent, unemotional, sexually aggressive, etc.  

With so many incidents of workplace sexual harassment, experiences of women at festivals, and recent acts of violence attributed to men identifying their source of anger as women - there's a lot to  talk about.  And its quite the prickly, sticky, sensitive topic at that.

I hate the idea of classifying men into groups like locker room talk and good ole boys club.  It does a disservice to a lot of men and sets the standard for their behavior pretty dang low.  It excuses behavior as being an inherent trait someone is born with due to their gender.  

The simple fact is that most women experience some level of toxic masculinity at some point in their life.  I'll go so far to say that a lot of us expect it and accept it as part of the burden of being a woman.  It's the brushing up against you in crowded spaces, the unwanted touching, the bold and crass jokes, and certainly the escalation to physical and sexual violence.

So why is toxic masculinity such a pervasive problem?  I know a lot of really good men in the world, so its not a men are awful problem.  It stems from the environment in which our men are raised.  If men aren't taught at a young age to be mindful of the way in which they speak about and to (and treat) women, they become part of the problem.  

As always, I believe education is the root of the solution.  We need to start the conversation with men young.  Teach them as children to keep their hands to themselves and to not be bullies.  In middle school and in high school, start the discussion around consent.  And I believe it should me mandatory to attend an educational seminar around sexual assault and the culture of college life when a student enters the University.  

There's also a serious need for personal accountability.  I would argue that a very large number of men are very aware of what is right and what is wrong.  Holding yourself accountable for the way in which you speak and act is critical for making a change.  And when you're in a group with other men, practice "see something, say something."  

If ever you're confused about what's right, what's wrong, and what crosses the line - have an open dialogue.  It's incredibly difficult to make sense of it all and I'm willing to have the discussion with you should you want to know what it feels like to be a woman in various situations.  

More and more, people are speaking up.  Women are saying "this is not okay, I do not feel okay."  More men are saying "that's not funny, and it's not acceptable."  

The only way we are going to combat toxic masculinity and change our culture is by educating the masses, having the open conversations, and speaking up when something isn't right.

We owe it to each other as human beings to do more and to be better.

For more information, check out Teen Vogue's Wellness Wednesday with Vera Papisova and my personal favorite - Dr. Kevin Gilliland where they addressed this very topic.

As always, do yourself a favor and be aware and informed about the implications of what's happening in the world.  Social awareness is such an important part of our lives and you can never do enough to learn about how other people in the world experience their daily lives.  Diversity and gettign out of our comfort zone is how we are eventually going to get to the equality we deserve.