Namaste

At pretty much every job I’ve worked at, there has been a high intensity on edge feeling. I’ve always felt stressed, worried, and have a really hard time stepping away from constantly thinking about work. It was a never ending worry about being fired, being in trouble, or being so overworked I could barely survive.

Obviously that greatly affected my personal life. I was constantly exhausted, irritable, antisocial, even depressed. My entire life revolved around my work and the people in it. It was all consuming. And I honestly thought that would be my life forever. I didn’t know any different in my 11 years of being a professional.

I’ve been in my new role for about 3 months. The other day I was sitting on my couch and I realized how calm I felt. I wasn’t thinking about work. Not an overwhelming project, not a difficult coworker, not an unreasonable boss. I was truly existing in the moment I was in.

Now I understand that the first few months, even years of a job can feel like the honeymoon stages. I’ve had that briefly in other roles so I’ve taken these feelings with a grain of salt. However, the culture I’m in and the people I’m surrounded by who embody that culture have given me hope that this will last.

During the week I have flexibility, independence, and people who care about how I’m doing both professionally and personally. I have the freedom to craft my own schedule (within reason), to say I’m overwhelmed without being told “that’s just how it works,” and I’ve got the time and energy to get out and have a thriving personal life.

I can breathe.

There’s time in my life to regroup, take a moment, and reconnect with my center.

In the 11+ years I’ve been a grown up in the working world, I’ve never experienced that. I’ve never had all the pieces fall together. I experimented with what I could tolerate. Could I endure harassment for my dream job? No. Could I work 24/7 for a company I loved? No. Could I put up with a bad boss for good pay? No.

Not everything aligns all the time. I don’t think all the parts have aligned for my current job, but the pieces that have aligned create a puzzle that I fit into. I love the company, the people, the boss - all those things make anything else extremely minuscule on the negative scale. I feel calm. I feel happy. I feel content. And while it all doesn’t create my “perfect” dream job I built up in my mind, it’s redefined what I define as working long term for me.

I cannot emphasize enough how important the feeling calm is to me. It seems so simple and many of you very well may experience it every day. But I haven’t. I haven’t felt that level of content with a career. Where you feel happy, challenged, like you matter, just all the pieces FIT.

Sure, we all complain about our jobs. I’m highly skeptical when folks don’t have one single complaint about their job. I don’t think the whole every single day is perfect life really exists. But if you truly feel happy and the good days outnumber the bad, that’s a huge win.

If you’re like me and your career journey is nontraditional, feeling calm is honestly the biggest win of them all. I encourage you to continue to look for that win. Continue to sacrifice, dream, work, and motivate yourself to stay positive. It’s not easy. It’s ups and downs and anything but simple. People will tell you that you’re stupid. They’ll laugh. They’ll question everything about you as a professional. But they are not you. They don’t live with the journey or the experience. What works for them, it’s not for you.

I don’t know if the calm will last. What I think is most important to remember while I am here is that it’s possible. It’s not a pipe dream. It’s not a decade of taking risks for nothing. It’s real and I’m holding it in front of me. Nobody can take the dream away from me because I know it’s there. And even if it doesn’t workout every time, it’s there. It’s real. And I can make it mine.

Career Corner: An Update

I guess it’s time for a little career corner update. I’ve been a Googler (shout out Cloud team!) for about three months now. Practically a seasoned veteran.

Bottom line - I’m happy and I’m thriving. Let’s break it down.

Can I hack it?

All of the intense fears I had about not being good enough are all but gone. Being new to the tech world was a really intimidating thing. I didn’t know the lingo, the products, the way things are done - and I still don’t. But the best thing I was ever told was that I’ll never know. Tech is ever evolving. By definition that’s its job! And that’s my favorite thing about being in this industry. I cannot learn everything. There will always be a new training I can take or a new product to research. I cannot ever be the smartest person in the room because of how large this field is. When I said I don’t ever want to be an expert in anything, I certainly hope I meant it because here I am living that truth.

Life Balance

I watched one TedTalk on Work/Life balance being a sham and here I am drinking the Kool Aid. I buy into the fact that sometimes all your marbles live in the work bin and sometimes they’re rolling around in your party pants. Thankfully, three months in I feel pretty good. The first two months were a lot of studying. A lot of shadowing. A slow ramp up. All things I hate. But all very necessary to being successful in my role. Then here we are in January which has been the wildest Fast and the Furious movie yet. But I’m in the thick of it and I’m able to contribute to the team. We are all learning about some cool new changes together. AND I’m not the new kid anymore! There are days I’m exhausted. Sure that affects my personal life - yet most days I feel a reasonable level of stress and the ability to do what I need to do personally.

That Google Culture

Listen, I wish this was the moment I was able to give you some big expose on Google. I know I’m still new so in a year I could be sitting here thinking wow was I wrong (if you’re a regular reader, you’re aware it wouldn’t be the first time) but right now, I’m here for the vibe. I’m treated like an adult, with respect, kindness, inclusiveness - I didn’t know this was all a thing at a company. Sure, I have moments I get irritated, I don’t positively love every human I meet - but when this organization says you will be respectful, it damn well means it. My schedule can be flexible. As long as I do my job, the rest, that’s for me to design. Period. They really mean it. And the perks, yea, they’re pretty nice. I’m here for the googliness, I have nothing negative to say and I’m sorry you don’t get the Access Hollywood scandal, but I just haven’t experienced it.

The Role

When I first started I wasn’t sure if this was the role I had dreamed of. I was in all transparency not 100% sure of everything it entailed. Fun fact, neither was the team! It’s been an evolving ever changing role with a growing department. For me that’s not a new position to be in. It doesn’t bother me like it might someone who craves structure. I think it leads to a lot of really exciting possibilities and areas for me to grow. I’m also appreciated for the talents and experience I have. I’m encouraged to use those things to make the team stronger. I honestly don’t know what my dream role is anymore. But I know I’m happy, challenged, and I don’t dread coming to work. That’s more than enough for me.

To sum it all up - I feel like I’m balanced. Weird way to describe a new job but it’s all I’ve ever dreamed of. I’ve existed in roles I hate or companies I hate or surrounded by people I don’t respect and there’s never been just a balance of feeling calm and even and normal. I don’t have the intense Sunday scaries. I’m not looking at how I can get out of work. I’ll still always prefer to be traveling the world, but if I have to work until I win the lottery/marry rich - this gig will do.

Stay tuned…the adventure is sure to twist and turn and bob and weave and I can’t wait to see where it takes me.

As always, thank you for your support and know that your best adventure is out there if you’re willing to chase it!

Loyalty

I am inherently loyal.  But not regular loyal, ride or die don't ask questions loyal.  The problem is, that generally extends to every aspect of my life.  And realistically, that's not how life works.

It's extremely critical to have limits to loyalty.  To understand the places loyalty is important and where I should extend my loyalty to myself.  More often than not, being this loyal is a rarity.  Most people understand the boundaries and maintain loyalty in a healthy way.  Me being me - I'm extra about it.

Being loyal to the max can cause me to often be hurt by people and situations and that's on me.

For example - in the workplace, I often feel I owe something to someone and will take less than I'm worth, work too hard and overall lack proper work/life boundaries.  

In my personal life - I give too much of my time, energy, and sometimes physical resources for people who just aren't willing to do the same for me.  

The result of this is that I am drained, disappointed, and anxious.  All of which could be avoided if I learn boundaries.

Something my therapist has been teaching me is saying no.  No explanation.  Just no.  As simple as that seems, that's just not easy for me.  It's not out of a need to people please.  It's out of loyalty and a feeling that it's my job to be everything to everyone.  

Real talk - I'm not a superhero, I can't do it all.  It's arrogant and naive to think I can.

Many times when a situation is uncomfortable or an avenue in which my loyalty is being taken advantage of - I can feel it in my gut.  I know it's happening.  I know saying yes will only bring me anxiety and regret.  And yet, I say yes.

But what I've learned is I've allowed my loyalty to control me so much I am literally burning myself out to the point of exhaustion.  I have no other choice but to make a change or it's about to be Britney Spears 2007 in my world.

Saying no in principle seems super easy.  In practice, it's weird.  It's awkward.  It gives me the hives.  

So I'm starting small.  Like really small.  Things you probably think and do every single second of the day and you're like "this girl is bananas for not doing this."  But no judgment zone people.   

I'm saying no to plans.  No to helping people.  No to situations that don't aid in my health.  

And the guilt for that is mad real.  But in the end, what other choice do I have?  Why should my happiness and health take a backseat to anyone else?

If you're struggling with the same issues, may I suggest some small steps for starting your journey to living loyalty in a healthy way?

• Practice saying no.  Don't want to meet a friend for dinner?  Don't.  And don't give an explanation.  
• Make plans for yourself.  And don't cancel on yourself.

That's it.  But if you're like me, those are two really huge places to start and will provide you enough of a challenge that it won't come easy.  

And my sequins, remind yourselves that YOU are deserving of the loyalty you so freely give to everyone and everything in your world.  You owe it to yourself to give loyalty to your mental and physical health and most of all loyatly to living your best, happiest life.

Career Corner, Part 324856

Can we celebrate the fact that I remembered I was going to call these pieces on business "Career Corner?".  Today, on this episode of Career Corner, we are going to talk about email etiquette.  Something I've noticed lately is a lack of effective communication when it comes to emailing and it's due to:

Poor spelling and grammar

Inappropriately informal writing

Aggressive verbiage

Poor Spelling and Grammar

Nothing makes me cringe faster than seeing misspelled words or improperly formatted sentences.  This is the most basic effort you can show when composing an email.  Your computer even helps you with the spelling.  When I read an email with more than one spelling or grammar mistake, my respect for that person's work ethic drastically declines.  If the person is young, I can already tell they're not committed to hard work.  If they're older and more experienced, I question if they value how they engage with those around them.  Do a spell check, review your formatting - if you don't have time to do this basic task, you're not setting yourself up for success.

Inappropriately Informal Writing

I'm not a formal person.  Not at work, not in my personal life.  But I take the way I represent myself very seriously.  Know your audience, understand how you're writing your email.  Don't add a bunch of emojis to your signature, do not use slang, when in doubt, go more formal.  It's ok to incorporate your personality into the way that you write at work, especially between same ranking colleagues, but if you're young or informal in general - if you write too informal, you're going to be seen as young and immature.  There's also something to be said for not trying too hard and going way too formal.  Don't bust out the thesaurus in an attempt to sound smart if these aren't words you're using in your everyday life.  Understand the company culture, the person you're writing to, and how you want to represent yourself before you hit send.

Aggressive Verbiage

I've been victim of this before and I'm especially cognizant of it now.  I've gone too formal and come off extremely aggressive.  Do not use the "per my previous email."  Don't utilize language that feels like it's pointing fingers.  I'm a big proponent of picking up the phone in situations like these and summarizing in a follow up email to diffuse any unnecessary tension.  The point is, when you're angry or you're trying to get a point across and you're really in a passionate moment, slow down.  That's when you should be especially aware of how you're writing your email in order to avoid any ruffled feathers for no reason.  

The art of the email is very difficult in a world that is growing more informal by the day. Millennial tech companies are encouraging the relaxed lifestyle and way of engaging.  Be mindful and aware that while it's perfectly acceptable to forego the suit and tie way of life, don't let your guard down so much that your communication becomes sloppy.  Review everything before you send it.  When in doubt, ask for advice on how to manage a difficult email. 

Often times we spend about 80% of our business relationships in the digital space.  So who you are in email, is who people see you as in a professional setting.  Emails are in fact a huge part of your brand.  Do you want that image to be of someone who is sloppy and difficult to communicate with or do you rightfully want to be seen as a team player who cares about the details?

The Wave

Unless you're living under a rock, you're aware of the wave of sexual harassment and assault allegations in the news.  It seems like every day another high profile man is being accused (and often proven) to be someone who has participated in sexual harassment or assault.  

As someone who has unfortunately experienced both - I feel torn by the number of women and men coming forward.  

I am proud of the victims for coming forward.

I am relieved we are talking about something that is not uncommon.

I cringe because I know the pressure on these victims to prove what they have gone through

I am scared that most likely, some of these accusers are lying and thus setting the rest of us back.

I have been a victim of sexual harassment and sexual assault.  More than once.  While I am more comfortable discussing the sexual harassment I have faced both in my daily life and at the office, I haven't even talked about the assault to my family.  I did not report it.  I still do not feel comfortable talking about it.  And I am not alone.

I've worked in sports most of my life.  I'm generally at home in environments that are a little less business formal and a little more frat party.  It takes a lot to offend me.  And it's damn near impossible to make me feel uncomfortable.  

But when I am confronted at my hotel room by a drunk colleague, sent sexual text messages by the President of my company, and had my chest grabbed at a bar - I feel violated.  

When I am told to wear a low cut top to a meeting with all men, that the best part about watching me at practice is my boobs bouncing, and having a deal fall through because I wouldn't go out with the owner - I feel devalued.  

Sexual harassment, the PTSD from it, the stress of having to relive it - to prove it happened - to explain why it is a big deal - it's all very real.  

The fear of when to come forward, how to come forward, what's going to happen when you do - it's all very real.

A lot of being a victim is feeling things in waves.  You feel shame.  You question your experience.  You feel brave enough to speak up.  You feel fear for what that results in.  You feel proud for standing up for your worth.  You feel everything.  It's highs and lows and everything in between.  I haven't gotten off of that wave yet, I'm not sure I ever will.

For once, I'm not here to prove a point.  I don't aim to change anyone's mind.  If you don't believe in the seriousness of sexual harassment - if you don't understand the defining principle behind sexual assault - I cannot help you.  If the battle you choose to fight is to prove these women wrong when the evidence shows otherwise - there's not much hope for you to begin with.  

I don't know what my driving message is or my call to action.  I haven't been able to tell my entire story nor heal from how that story has changed my path, who am I to provide anyone with a solution?  I'll leave you with this -- 

Keep your hands to yourself.  If it feels wrong, it is.  If you have to justify your actions, they were wrong.

Raise your tiny humans to do better, be better, and act better.  Challenge yourself to be kinder, respect each other more, and listen to learn.  Choose to surround yourself with people who value human decency, challenge the status quo, and force you to leave others better than you found them.

Boundaries?

if you were to look up type A personality in the dictionary, you would see a flawless photo of ME.  And at work, I am even worse.

I am constantly overachieving, I have issues letting go of projects, and I'm always volunteering for more.  Because of that, I have no boundaries.

I get myself in these overworked, no work life balance situations and think NOT AGAIN WHY ME?! But if we are being honest - it's kind of my own fault.

Its so wonderful to be the go to rock star at work, and it feeds into the idea that you need to keep saying yes - but if you don't set boundaries you're going to find yourself saying no to YOU.

Boundaries are critical to maintaining your value in the workplace (honey don't allow yourself to do the most without getting your worth) and they're critical to preventing burnout. 

I know Sequins - here comes the part where I make another effing list. We get it I'm type A and making neat little lists, that's really not going to help the problem. Step one, admitting the problem, step two, creating a list about the problem - er, right?

Boundaries. I don't have any and I need them.  So what's a girl to do?

Recognize what boundaries are

I need to start realizing what's my role, and what is exceeding expectations and being a boss babe without overstepping into someone else' space.  It's understanding I don't have to say yes to everything to be successful.  I can simply own my own projects, make them amazing, and create that balance between work rock star and having time for personal life excellence too. 

Understand the importance of boundaries to my life

I have made a very serious commitment to work life balance.  I've spent the majority of 10 years working too much and putting my career first.  When I say that I don't want that life anymore, that balance is what matters to me, I mean it.  And anything that threatens my ability to have a happy healthy personal life, it's a deal breaker.  That being said, I'm in an industry that demands a lot on my life.  So I understand when I say I need boundaries, that could come with reprocussions.  It could mean a company values work horse over my talent.  I have to be willing to accept the consequences of setting the boundaries I have chosen to set. 

Put the boundaries in place

Im at the point that I'm well aware of the times I need to stay in my lane. I know when I should walk away, shut up - and mind my own business. But type A Ashley she taps me on the shoulder and she's saying "Hey Babe but we could just quickly involve ourselves in this one, promise it will be no big deal" and then I'm stuck on a project that is sucking my soul out all day.  I know my weakness, it's being able to act or rather don't act that's my problem.  So this is where I start small.  I leave work early.  I don't answer emails after 5 (fine 6).  I refuse to talk about work after work.   

Stand firm

I've got boundaries now.  I'm actively working to create a balance and separation and keep my unicorn in my own lane.  But now I need to go big and vocalize the boundaries and push back when they're tested.  I know I work hard. I know I deliver some damn good results. And I know that whenever I'm asking for boundaries, they're reasonable and professional.  It's time to speak up, stick to my guns, and be prepared for whatever comes next

I will always be type A and I will always struggle with when go let go of the reigns at work.  I realize that a lot of my complaints about my career are well within my control. If you're struggling with your work life, consider setting boundaries and communicating with your leadership what those boundaries mean to you.  The best companies understand that the best employees have a balance and maintain reasonable boundaries when it comes to work.  And if you're somewhere that you can't set boundaries, you may want to consider changing your situation.  

Professionalism

In the workplace, you are bound to come across people that are hard to work with.  People you may not like at all.  But part of growing up, excelling in your career, is learning to avoid the drama, and be the bigger person.

Whether you're 22 or 42 - the best skill you can have as a professional is professionalism.  The ability to separate yourself from those who succumb to the immaturity and the drama, that's such a skill in the world. 

Throughout my years as a boss babe, I've certainly fallen into the trap of letting the drama get to me and participating in the madness.  But as I've grown and advanced, I'm developed a bit of an artistry towards handling these less than ideal situations.

Let's talk how to develop and maintain that kind of mentality. 

Mind your own business.

First and foremost, work is not a social community.  It's important to have good working relationships and even to maintain strong friendships with a select few of your coworkers, but work is a business.  Your number one purpose is to do what you were hired to do, develop your skills, and contribute to the success of your company.  That's it.  When drama is happening around you, when you hear the gossip, the immature behavior, do not engage.  Mind your own business.

Learn the art of the brush off.

Chances are, at some point, someone is going to try to pull you into the spectacle.  Learn to artfully comment on the situation without taking sides and make it clear you're uninterested in involving yourself.  Don't get sucked in.  Remind yourself that your number one role is to spend your time doing your job.  I you're constantly finding yourself approached by the office drama queen (or king) - be slow to respond, continue emailing, be uninterested.  The art of the brush off is being able to get the point across that you're not interested in joining the circus without having to blatantly say "go away you're the worst."

The rule of words.

I have a rule that I live by at work.  I don't say anything to anyone that I wouldn't want to be said to someone else.  I own every single thing I say about someone and to someone because I've been careful about how I speak to other people and about other people.  I've put my foot in my mouth in the past and had to own up to things I should not have ever said.  And that's not a good feeling nor a good professional look.  Think before you speak, keep personal feelings out of it, and remember that business is not the place to regret what you say.

Keep your goals in mind.

The person who gets promoted, who excels in the work place - is the person who does not engage in the theatrics of petty behavior.  In 2017, company culture is a priority and if you're catty, gossiping, and constantly speaking about others in a negative way - you're not promoting a positive culture.  No matter how good you are at your job, if you create a disruption in the company culture, you will be fired.  Your value is not greater than the good of the company.  Constantly put your professional goals at the forefront.  Your competition is yourself.  Develop your plan with your manager and focus on that plan.  Leave everyone else out of it.

Find your zen.

It's not always easy to bush off the drama.  Sometimes it's difficult to deal with and harder to ignore.  It's stressful, it's unpleasant, and unfortunately - it happens.  When it does - find your zen.  Take a walk, listen to music, text a friend.  Do whatever you have to do to disengage from the situation and refocus back to your goals.  We all slip up, we all succumb to the pressure sometimes - but being able to step back and get out of it before any real damage occurs is what separates the amaturs and the professionals.

Professionalism is so important to a successful career.  As a manager, if you're not displaying a high level of professionalism and working to better your skills in this area, I'm not going to invest myself in you.  You are not the future of the organization and quit frankly, you're not going anywhere in life until you grasp this.  Professionalism takes a lot of self reflection and commitment to growth.  You will never stop developing this talent.  22 or 42, it's your greatest asset and you should consistently be looking to take it to the next level.  Don't ever let yourself forget that work is a business, it's not a social setting and it's not high school.  Save the shenanigans for your personal life because the professional world doesn't care.

Work Swagg

As you know - since you all read my blog religiously - I've had quite the work journey.  I've had the low pay, the dream job, the hostile work environment, the bored out of my mind - all of it.  And I've moved over and over, spent 6 months to 4 years at various jobs.  The one consistency, the one guiding method to my madness - has been that I refuse to settle.

Because early in my career I dealt with some less than ideal work environments - along the way - I lost my work mojo.  I lost my confidence in what I do and I forgot that I'm a really bad ass boss babe.  Just as I finally got into my dream gig - what I had spent years working for - I was broken down and beat up.  It was a daily grind of not being good enough, being told I was bossy, never praised for the truly incredible events I was producing - and it got to me.

I left that job a little bit broken, defeated, discouraged - and wondering if I'd ever find the right fit.  And then I got a new job.  And it was another disappointment.  And then - it took me SIX MONTHS to find a job I felt I could thrive in.  Even after I accepted this new adventure - I had doubts.  Was I making the right choice?  Would this be just another bad fit?  Was I the problem?

It's been about 3+ years of the uncertainties.  Of the working hard, giving it everything I've got - and then not being able to feel that confidence in what I've accomplished.  My mom calls it my PTSD.  I'm so used to this bizarre work life where tough love and breaking you down is the way leadership molds its environment that when I'm in a normal healthy place - I don't know what to do.  I'm constantly doubting myself, making a mountain out of a mole hill, and worrying whether I'm as good as I thought.

The thing is - I am really good at this.  I'm better than a lotof people at this.  My weirdly bubbly and odd ball personality is what gives me some insanely good creative ideas.  I am a master of the details.  I am fueled by the stressful situations.  People like me.  I know what it takes to produce the events that make people connect to whatever the goal of that event is - to identify and feel loyalty to that brand.  There is tangible proof all of this is true.

And yet most days - there's that evil little PTSD elf sitting on my shoulder saying - you're not good enough.  You don't deserve to be here. 

Surely part if it is my anxiety.  And part of it is the extremes of the work environments I've lived in.  But at what point do I take responsibility and say enough is enough.  I can't control my anxiety all the time.  And I certainly cannot change my past jobs.  But I can move forward.  I can say - you got out of those situations and you are refusing to settle. 

Part of refusing to settle - is taking responsibility and acknowledging I do have that PTSD but those doubts are unfounded.  It's making a conscious effort to recognize those situations, those moments of doubt - and stopping that asshole elf before he takes over the sparkles in my brain.  It's reminding myself of all the really awesome things I've done and accomplished and moving forward without fear because I am a badass - and these companies are lucky to have me. 

We all have our fears, doubts, and freak-outs.  We live in a world where working longer, achieving more, and being the best is paramount to anything.  Most of us place an unhealthy amount of pressure on ourselves to be perfect.  And that's not realistic.  And its not productive.  It's not how we become better.

So as I learn to get my workplace swagg back - in a new job that affords me a really great environment to do so - I am choosing to cut myself a break, be my own cheerleader, and have faith in the business woman that I know I am. 

The Art of War

Business is a battlefield.  It's navigating egos, balancing personalities, and figuring out who you are at work.  It's being social with boundaries.  It's being strong but not an asshole.  It's going above and beyond but not sacrificing your whole life.  Work is war, and in war - there's an art to winning.

It took me a really long time to understand the politics of working in an office.  I'm a loud, straightforward, strong, and opinionated person.  I am loyal, hardworking, and I push the limits.  I don't have an off switch and I often speak before thinking.  I've absolutely crossed the line in the workplace and I've let myself get in some sticky situations professionally. 

Now I'm not saying at the ripe age of 31 I've perfected the Art of War at Work, but I am an established soldier and I've got some insight into how you can avoid mistakes I've made as you navigate this world of adulting. 

The War Starts on Day One

The first day you start work is critical.  Not to put more pressure on you but day one is setting your strategy for who you plan to be at work.  Are you going to be the funny one?  The serious one?  The friend to everyone?  Day one is where your colleagues start to learn about who you are and where you're going to fit into their world.  My advice to you - be you, but be a business casual version of you.  In other words - don't pretend to be super serious if you're super not serious in your normal life.  Find a balance between utilizing your humor but keeping it appropriate (business casual).  If you're an overly trusting oversharing type - tone that shit down - but don't try to be cold and aloof.  Whoever you are - business it up but don't try to change who you are.  That's exhausting and unrealistic and it won't last.

Remember You are Your Own Brand

You are representing your brand at all times.  And the brand you build lasts your entire career.  When you make choices, act, and engage at work - you're not just showing your colleagues who you are - you're also leaving an impression that extends to their network.  And you'd be surprised how far that network extends.  Always remember this.  Remember it at the Christmas party before you take shots.  Remember this before you start sleeping with your colleague.  And remember this before you talk poorly about someone to someone else at work.  Your brand, your reputation is all you have.  Choose to be a brand that others respect and value.  Because while you cannot control who likes you or what others may do - you can control you and you can control your brand message.  You get one shot at what that message is.

Boundary Setting

Boundaries at work are critical.  Boundaries are what keep you in check and help you pause before acting or speaking in a way that crosses the line.  Be careful who you trust.  Be aware of how you engage with those around you.  Be mindful of what you share about your personal life.  A rule of thumb I have is if you wouldn't want your boss knowing about it, if you wouldn't say it to your boss, simply don't share it with anyone else.  It's ok to trust a select few - some of my closest friends are people I've met at work - but be selective.  Take time to get to know these people you spend your time with.  It's truly just not possible that each and every person in your office is trustworthy and your best friend.  Set boundaries and respect the boundaries of others.  It's better to be a bit of a mystery than a completely open book in the workplace.

I'd also like you to keep in mind that work, no matter how casual, no matter the office size, no matter how long you've been there - is a business.  And even the most caring and supportive business - is defined by success.  It's lifeblood is based in that success.  Your company can care about you and value you - but it can also thrive without you - don't make it easy for them to make that decision.

I'll leave you with a few very obvious, yet from my experience, often forgotten rules in The Art of War at Work:

• Don't be the one who drinks too much at work functions
• Don't be the one who dates (or sleeps with) the entire office
• Don't be the one who overshares about everything
• Don't be the one who acts like a cold closed off robot
• Don't be the one who cries a lot
• Don't be the one who has a temper
• Don't be the one who's always making inappropriate jokes
• Don't be the one who is always "on"
• Don't be the one who dresses inappropriately, sloppily, or has hygiene issues

I get that those were all negative things.  But they're unfortunately quite common.  And I cringe at every single one.  At the end of the day - The Art of War at Work is 98% common sense.  And learning how to master it - shouldn't be that hard.  Be mindful of how you engage at work and the precedence you're setting.  If you're excelling at The Art of War - you're most likely creating a better, more positive experience for you and those around you.  And that's worth waiting until you get home for that 3rd drink or to make the really crude joke.  Trust me - I'm a 4 star general in the Art of War at Work and if I can do it, anyone can.

The Power of Culture

I've spent a lot of time in work environments that were unhealthy.  Between working 24/7, being verbally harassed, and colleagues pitted against each other - I've never been part of a work culture that I enjoyed.  Being in sports I mostly assumed this was what I was going to have to deal with if I chose to stay in the entertainment events world.  But I also knew that I couldn't sustain a life where I felt exhausted, discouraged, and physically unhealthy. 

Flash forward to February of 2016.  I was yet again in a position that wasn't fulfilling and an environment that made me miserable.  At this point I even started to think I may be the problem.  I had been unhappy in my new role since about the second month I arrived.  I began looking for a new job about month three.  And in month six - I was "laid off due to budget concerns."  Realistically it was the only way they could get rid of me because technically I was doing a great job but I was pushing back against the culture and the role that was not as promised.  As stressful as it was to be in the position I was in, I felt relief not having to go back to that job for one more day.

The day I was let go I made myself a promise.  I was going to focus my efforts on finding a role with a company that was the right fit culturally.  I was going to ask more questions, do more research and refuse to settle until it felt right.  I was turned down for jobs I thought were perfect and I turned down jobs that would have been just fine but weren't going to provide me the environment I craved.

Six months later I accepted a position with a company that I spent a good four weeks interviewing with.  I researched the company on Glassdoor, I reached out to contacts and learned firsthand what the company was like to be at, and I asked the questions they say you're not supposed to ask in interviews.  I made it clear a work life balance was important to me.  I spoke openly about my past environment issues and emphasized the importance of being somewhere with a culture I believed in and felt valued in.  And when four weeks later, on Christmas Eve, when I was offered the position - the way in which it was offered - the offer itself that the team worked hard to be able to offer me - the emphasis on how even though the other candidate has more direct agency experience but they felt a better connection with me - everything about it felt right. 

Almost three months later I still feel that same confidence in the choice I made.  From day one the responsibility I've been given, the way in which my personal time is respected, the way people interact with each other - is a complete 180 from anything I've ever experienced in a company.  I work a lot, especially with my travel schedule recently, but I don't feel the same emotional exhaustion that I've dealt with in the past.  The standards are high, the expectations even higher, the level of talent in one place is above and beyond anywhere I've been - and it creates a level of trust, competition, and excitement that makes coming to work fun.  My days fly by and are often chaotic, but I'm never bored and I'm always learning.

Sure, it's early in the game.  I've made the mistake of thinking things were rainbows and unicorns too early before.  And this could be something that doesn't workout.  But now that I know the possibility of happiness at work is a thing - I'm even more determined to stick with my never settle mentality.  Because its not me.  I am good at what I do, I'm a MF delight to be around, and I work hard.  Of course I still have a little PTSD and have my moments of doubt in myself.  And no, contrary to popular belief, I am not perfect, I screw up.  I still stress myself out for no reason.  And I am learning to get my confidence back in who I am at work.  But all the abuse, the misery, the years of never giving up - they're worth it.  My journey isn't traditional.  My path is often lonely.  But it's something I fiercely believe in and each day of happiness reinforces my belief that the dream is worth fighting for. 

Whatever the dream job and environment is for you - it's out there.  It's not easy to find.  It's often long and exhausting.  But giving up, taking the easy road, staying in the bad situation - that's not how you achieve the dream.  Don't give up.  Don't stop showing up.  And don't ever let anyone keep you from what makes your soul shine.