I’ve been thinking a lot lately about activism. It’s no secret that if you’ve known me for a long time, I’ve greatly evolved into someone who is spending a lot of time on educating myself and being more active in social justice.
I would say that I’ve always considered myself relatively aware but certainly not openly outspoken on things like Black Lives Matter, sexual assault, immigration - the list goes on.
And therein lies the problem.
I have been passively active instead of fiercely an advocate for others.
Obviously growing up I experienced life in a sheltered and less diverse space. A lot of the problems of the people in society that deal with everyday racism, sexism, and hate never really affected me. Or so I thought.
In reality, it’s been everywhere around me, I just existed in a place of privilege and lack of information to really acknowledge the problem. I was part of the problem.
Realizing that I have actively been part of the problem by passively being part of the solution has been an awakening for me.
I think over the years as I decided to embrace myself, confront my traumas, and trust who I am rather than who people always told me I am; I started to feel a deep need to stop hiding in my privilege.
That has led to some people speaking to me about how much “I’ve changed.” How I’m “angry" and “not accepting of other beliefs.”
I would argue that each and every one of those accusations is true. And I’m so proud that they are.
I have changed. It was about time. I am a citizen of the world and just because I’ve been dealt a better hand than some others does not mean I shouldn't use that hand to extend to another.
I am angry. I’m really angry that in 2020 we are so behind in basic humanity. I am so angry children are in cages, Black men and women are being killed by the police and that women are being raped and the attackers are called “one of the good guys.”
I am not only unwilling to accept anyone who disagrees with these things, I am openly going to call you out on these horrific practices and how you are contributing to the problem.
And I make no apologies for the new me.
You don’t owe anyone an explanation for how you choose to grow, evolve and become a better person. You don’t have to explain why, you don’t have to prove metrics, you don’t have to do anything but evolve. Because anyone who chooses not to evolve is not someone who is on a path to better themselves.
It’s taken awhile for me to understand who I want to be and what I want to be to the people around me and to this world. That’s included pissing off, confusing, and losing some friends and family. And it’s sad, of course it is. To say I’ve never stopped to say “am I on the right path” to myself would be a lie. But every single time the answer is yes.
I am on the right path. I am working to change the world, even if it’s just one tiny piece of that world for even one person.
I’m evolving. I will always be evolving. I’m learning and I’m sitting in uncomfortable situations, I’m having the hard conversations and I’m confronting the things that I am doing wrong while unlearning how I got to that place.
The person I am now is someone I deeply deeply love and feel pride in. I light up when I talk about things like equality, how to help survivors of sexual assault, anti-racism, fixing our broken political system, women’s rights to our bodies — these are the things that I talk faster about, raise my voice and shake my fists and make my heart beat fast. I do believe we can make changes in my lifetime. Even little ones.
The person I am now is also not for everyone. If she’s not for you, grab onto some sparkle fumes on your way to the back because I plan to keep marching on; with or without your support.