No Excuses

Part of my constant journey to become an ally means thinking critically about my current habits and words. What am I saying to others? What am I consuming? How am I presenting myself in the world?

A space I recently have found as an area I needed to grow was how I excuse people simply because they’re “old” or “that’s how they grew up.”

I’ve absolutely made concessions for old white people who are absolutely racist. They’re just old. That’s the time they were raised in. Or I think about where people are from and how they grew up and excuse their beliefs because they don’t know any better.

THat’s wrong. That’s not antiracist. And that is not being an ally.

Times have changed. Thwe information is out there. And critical thinking is a life skill.

Racism is wrong. Full stop.

I don’t care if you’re 5 or 95, you owe it to the world to be better. I don’t care if you grew up in New York City or the middle of nowhere Arkansas, you have the ability to be better.

I’m no longer accepting any excuse for being racist, speaking about others with hate or acting in a way that is racist. I’m not.

I’m calling it out, I’m correcting the behavior, I’m educating that person on how they are wrong and can be better.

Unless you’re being actively antiracist, you’re racist.

Period.

I know it can be uncomfortable because a lot of the folks I’ve excused in the past are family or friends, but that’s not acceptable. Sitting in my comfort is not acceptable. If I’m not speaking up, I am part of the problem.

Am I saying you need to have arguments with people everyday? No. But you do need to find a way to say “Hey Grandma, that’s actually not true and it’s harmful and racist and here’s why.”

Sitting in my comfort, excusing racism for age or background, that’s White Privelege at work. And it’s me resting in that space because I can.

And it’s wrong.

There are no excuses for racism. None. So in my journey to be an ally (and it is always a journey), I am stepping up to be better. No excuses about it.

You’re part of the problem, or you’re part of the solution. What side are you on?

The Evolution of an Activist

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about activism. It’s no secret that if you’ve known me for a long time, I’ve greatly evolved into someone who is spending a lot of time on educating myself and being more active in social justice.

I would say that I’ve always considered myself relatively aware but certainly not openly outspoken on things like Black Lives Matter, sexual assault, immigration - the list goes on.

And therein lies the problem.

I have been passively active instead of fiercely an advocate for others.

Obviously growing up I experienced life in a sheltered and less diverse space. A lot of the problems of the people in society that deal with everyday racism, sexism, and hate never really affected me. Or so I thought.

In reality, it’s been everywhere around me, I just existed in a place of privilege and lack of information to really acknowledge the problem. I was part of the problem.

Realizing that I have actively been part of the problem by passively being part of the solution has been an awakening for me.

I think over the years as I decided to embrace myself, confront my traumas, and trust who I am rather than who people always told me I am; I started to feel a deep need to stop hiding in my privilege.

That has led to some people speaking to me about how much “I’ve changed.” How I’m “angry" and “not accepting of other beliefs.”

I would argue that each and every one of those accusations is true. And I’m so proud that they are.

I have changed. It was about time. I am a citizen of the world and just because I’ve been dealt a better hand than some others does not mean I shouldn't use that hand to extend to another.

I am angry. I’m really angry that in 2020 we are so behind in basic humanity. I am so angry children are in cages, Black men and women are being killed by the police and that women are being raped and the attackers are called “one of the good guys.”

I am not only unwilling to accept anyone who disagrees with these things, I am openly going to call you out on these horrific practices and how you are contributing to the problem.

And I make no apologies for the new me.

You don’t owe anyone an explanation for how you choose to grow, evolve and become a better person. You don’t have to explain why, you don’t have to prove metrics, you don’t have to do anything but evolve. Because anyone who chooses not to evolve is not someone who is on a path to better themselves.

It’s taken awhile for me to understand who I want to be and what I want to be to the people around me and to this world. That’s included pissing off, confusing, and losing some friends and family. And it’s sad, of course it is. To say I’ve never stopped to say “am I on the right path” to myself would be a lie. But every single time the answer is yes.

I am on the right path. I am working to change the world, even if it’s just one tiny piece of that world for even one person.

I’m evolving. I will always be evolving. I’m learning and I’m sitting in uncomfortable situations, I’m having the hard conversations and I’m confronting the things that I am doing wrong while unlearning how I got to that place.

The person I am now is someone I deeply deeply love and feel pride in. I light up when I talk about things like equality, how to help survivors of sexual assault, anti-racism, fixing our broken political system, women’s rights to our bodies — these are the things that I talk faster about, raise my voice and shake my fists and make my heart beat fast. I do believe we can make changes in my lifetime. Even little ones.

The person I am now is also not for everyone. If she’s not for you, grab onto some sparkle fumes on your way to the back because I plan to keep marching on; with or without your support.

More than a Social Media Moment

I’m really happy to see more and more people speaking up and saying that Black Lives Matter. I love seeing protests and donations and discussions that have started to takeover because of it. My only concern is that I hope people understand this is more than a social media moment. It is a movement.

So I’d like to share how I, as a white woman am working to make sure everyday I’m contributing to the solution. And before you say “I’ve always been an ally” or “I’ve always been aware” I encourage you to remember that this is a work in progress, you’re never done.

I’ve always thought of myself as someone who is not racist but the thing is, I’ve absolutely said things before, been uneducated, and can always improve. What’s the harm in knowing you can always be a better ally?

Listen

First and foremost, I'm listening to black voices. I’m opening my mind to just sit and listen to stories and experiences of black men and women and taking them for what they are - experiences I have never and will never have. I’m spending time listening without responding so that I take the time to really understand what these stories and experiences mean.

Reflecting

A lot of my time right now is spent reflecting on how/if/when I have been part of the problem. And if I have been, how could I have acted differently? I’m also looking at how the stories I’m hearing are shaping my viewpoint. How would I feel if I was this person? I’m trying to digest everything I’m taking in by simply reflecting on all of it. Taking the time not to speak, but to really digest what it all means and how I’ve been an ally and how I have been a problem.

Talking

I’m first and foremost talking to my white friends. We are having open dialogue on our part in this movement and where we can be better. We are talking about the stories we hear, the research we’ve done, and we are sharing the best places to learn more. We are having safe space discussions and checking in with each other before we speak and act.

Learning

I am constantly learning. Whether that be through reading, watching shows and movies and docs, listening to podcasts - I’m learning. I’m checking out articles, I’m on Twitter looking at what folks are saying. As much as possible I’m trying to retrain my brain. Education in America is based on a white experience. What we learn i school IS the white experience. I have a lot of that to unravel. It starts with seeking out the history that we should have learned and understanding how our country was shaped to oppress black people. It’s learning so that I understand the experience I didn’t have.

Sharing

I haven’t stopped sharing. On the socials, in person, at work - I am constantly sharing knowledge and encouraging discussion. It is my responsibility to do my part and keep the movement going. I’m not going to let it fizzle.

I hope that you’ll join me in continuing to work for change. I have noticed a lot of folks are already letting their feeds go back to normal, and its disheartening. It’s especially disappointing to see among people that call themselves advocates for change. Your entire social media experience doesn’t need to be BLM, but don’t completely erase those posts. Continue to push people to get uncomfortable. Call them out when they show they’re just here for a like on Instagram. Do your part. It’s not easy, but imagine being someone who actually lives this experience everyday. I want a better world. And I understand in order to have that, I’ve got to put in the work.