This is not surprising, but I have a lot of opinions. Last weeks blog led me to dive a little deeper into the topic and I got to thinking about having a lot of opinions.
Like a lot. And I have not one problem sharing those opinions.
As I’ve gotten older though, I’ve learned that not everything requires me to have an opinion.
And it has changed my life.
Having anxiety means that little things that normally would not bother most people, sit with me for a long time. It’s part of the need to control my world and part of the high standards I hold for myself but for people with anxiety, it’s a daily battle not to internalize and overthink everything.
The odd thing about having a lot of opinions is that I’m actually one of the least judgmental people in the world. I’m the person you want to come to when you’ve done some embarrassing things because I will not judge. But if you come to me for advice, if you are someone important to me, I will become deeply invested in your story.
Which is what I found has led me to care too much about things and let them cause me stress when they don’t need to.
For example - if a friend comes to me for relationship advice and over and over does the things I have said not to do. I’m going to feel that deeply. It will frustrate me to no end that the person continues to do the thing that is causing them the problem.
If a friend complains constantly about a job they don’t enjoy, but lacks the initiative to make a change, that will make me bonkers.
And that’s on me.
What I’ve worked on lately is understanding that people are what they are, they’re going to do what they’re going to do and they will do it in their own time - and that has nothing to do with me.
The only thing I can control is me. The only think I should do for these people is be there for them. Give them honest advice, and then go about my day.
You have to save your give a fuck’s for the big things. The things that matter. If you waste all your fuck’s on the little things, you will self destruct.
So here’s what I do. When I’m overwhelmed or my inner anxiety monster starts to get wild about something someone else is doing in their life - I say to her - you know what, that’s not how I would live my life, but I respect how they live theirs.
And ain’t that the realest thing you could ever tell yourself?
Truth is, unless we are living someone else’s life, we don’t know what we would do. There’s a whole series of events and experiences that shape what each of us does. Not agreeing with another person’s choices doesn’t change them.
I care very deeply about the people that are important to me. I will always be this overly opinionated human being who just wants her tribe to have the best in the world. Yet that also means being my best self for them. Which means learning how to step back, listen, and not push my opinions on them. It also means not causing myself undue stress because I cannot control their actions.
It’s ok to have opinions. It’s ok to feel deeply invested in your people. It is not ok to create an unhealthy mindset because of those things.
We have enough to manage in our own lives, focus on how you can be your best self and the rest will follow.