Panicked

It is obviously a very strange and stressful time in our world right now. Everywhere we turn there is more scary news about the Coronavirus. And that’s causing a panic.

We should absolutely be taking this very seriously. It is a very serious virus and has proven to shut down entire nations. But there is absolutely no reason to panic.

I obviously life with anxiety. And I’m scared too because I have a compromised immune system.

I am also a realist. And I care about myself and others. So I am choosing not to panic. I am also choosing to self quarantine. You should be doing these things as well.

If you have anxiety, this is a challenge. So let’s talk about to make it easier.

Limit Exposure

I mean this literally by social distancing but I also mean in the form of a digital detox. Stay informed with reputable and real sources (aka stop listening to the White House), but limit the amount of negative information you are exposing yourself to. Log off social media where a lot of the information available is wrong. Turn the channel if you’ve already spent time updating yourself for the day. The more you take in the content that is negative, the more you will panic. Turn it off, turn off the thing that is exacerbating your anxiety.

Stay Occupied

Distractions are everything. Been meaning to clean out your closet and donate old clothes? Is that book your friend recommended gathering dust on your bedside table? Still have that Pilates class waiting in your DVR? Do those things. Choose positive distractions during this time. Do all the things we all put off in our regular busy lives. And if it doesn’t bring you joy, don’t do it.

Create a Safe Space

You’re going to be spending a lot of time at home. Put in the work to make it a safe and comfortable space for you. Prepare with the supplies you need (prepare, NOT panic), make a cozy space, clean and organize. Do everything you need to do in order to feel joy and calm in your space. The more you feel “at home” the easier it is to actually spend well, all of your time there.

Invest in the right kind of social

No, not social media. We are social beings, we need that connection. FaceTime your family and friends. Text with them. Send cards, emails, tag the memes! Continue to remain connected in a healthy low risk way to the people that are important to you. Even the most introverted person in the world is not going to survive with no human contact.

Keep moving

My fitness game the last week has been on point. Get outside. Go for a walk (if you’re in a suburban or rural area, city kids sorry - keep your workouts at home), sit outside, get a workout class in (virtually). Mental health is connected to physical health. Don’t sit too long. Don’t sleep all day. Get moving.

Eat healthy

Again, health body, healthy mind. You can still order groceries online. Cool healthy meals. Eat healthy snacks. You’ve got time to show your Pinterest board the recipes you’ve been saving are actually going to be out to use. Sure, indulge, but eat as healthy as you can.

I know, things seem bleak right now. Things are hard. They’re straight up not fun. And for a lot of people, they are terrifying. Show up for yourself and others by doing the right thing. Stay home. Be kind. Help others where you can. We will get through this, but we have to do it together.

Take a breath.

Alright, I’m noticing these blogs are taking on a theme lately. I’m obviously thinking a lot about opinions, judgments, and respecting differences.

Humans are by nature judgmental. From looks to jobs to homes to opinions, we judge it all. The state of politics and social issues has only intensified the need to judge.

Because of that, I’ve made a conscious effort lately to take a breath. To take a breath and have compassion. To take a breath and remain neutral. To take a breath and move on.

Being judgmental is really exhausting. It’s a sickness that can aggravate anxiety and is really easy to avoid if you make a real effort to do so. You’ve got to understand that judgment on its own doesn’t do anything. It doesn’t change how another person acts. It doesn’t make you feel any better about anything.

Judgment is a poison.

If you’re going to judge another, have a plan of action afterwards. Either figure out why you’re judging and realize it has nothing to do with you and move on - or figure out how that judgment can be turned into positive action.

If you are judging the way someone looks, stop. That’s the type of judgment that is none of your business and says a lot more about you than anyone else.

If you are judging someone for being a racist, choose to educate and then choose to disassociate yourself with this person.

Judgment is a poison.

It will poison your heart, mind, and soul if you let it.

Most of the judgments we make each day are unnecessary. Most can be removed from your world entirely.

Actively choose to refuse to take part in this toxic culture. Take a breath. Make a decision based in positive outcomes moving forward.

The only way we can figure out how to absolve some of the hate we have is by choosing love. Educate with love. Speak with love. Lead from a place of love, if only for your own self care.

I have a lot of opinions.

This is not surprising, but I have a lot of opinions. Last weeks blog led me to dive a little deeper into the topic and I got to thinking about having a lot of opinions.

Like a lot. And I have not one problem sharing those opinions.

As I’ve gotten older though, I’ve learned that not everything requires me to have an opinion.

And it has changed my life.

Having anxiety means that little things that normally would not bother most people, sit with me for a long time. It’s part of the need to control my world and part of the high standards I hold for myself but for people with anxiety, it’s a daily battle not to internalize and overthink everything.

The odd thing about having a lot of opinions is that I’m actually one of the least judgmental people in the world. I’m the person you want to come to when you’ve done some embarrassing things because I will not judge. But if you come to me for advice, if you are someone important to me, I will become deeply invested in your story.

Which is what I found has led me to care too much about things and let them cause me stress when they don’t need to.

For example - if a friend comes to me for relationship advice and over and over does the things I have said not to do. I’m going to feel that deeply. It will frustrate me to no end that the person continues to do the thing that is causing them the problem.

If a friend complains constantly about a job they don’t enjoy, but lacks the initiative to make a change, that will make me bonkers.

And that’s on me.

What I’ve worked on lately is understanding that people are what they are, they’re going to do what they’re going to do and they will do it in their own time - and that has nothing to do with me.

The only thing I can control is me. The only think I should do for these people is be there for them. Give them honest advice, and then go about my day.

You have to save your give a fuck’s for the big things. The things that matter. If you waste all your fuck’s on the little things, you will self destruct.

So here’s what I do. When I’m overwhelmed or my inner anxiety monster starts to get wild about something someone else is doing in their life - I say to her - you know what, that’s not how I would live my life, but I respect how they live theirs.

And ain’t that the realest thing you could ever tell yourself?

Truth is, unless we are living someone else’s life, we don’t know what we would do. There’s a whole series of events and experiences that shape what each of us does. Not agreeing with another person’s choices doesn’t change them.

I care very deeply about the people that are important to me. I will always be this overly opinionated human being who just wants her tribe to have the best in the world. Yet that also means being my best self for them. Which means learning how to step back, listen, and not push my opinions on them. It also means not causing myself undue stress because I cannot control their actions.

It’s ok to have opinions. It’s ok to feel deeply invested in your people. It is not ok to create an unhealthy mindset because of those things.

We have enough to manage in our own lives, focus on how you can be your best self and the rest will follow.

A Lesson in Compassion

On Facebook lately I have been posting what I like to call: What you missed in Kindergarten.  It's a little lesson for those of you out there who forgot critical teachings such as:

1. Treat others as you wish to be treated
2. Keep your hands to yourself
3. Clean up your messes

Today, I'm going to bring one of these great lectures to all of you.  And this one is called:

Compassion.

Compassion is a feeling of wanting to help someone who is sick, hungry, in trouble, etc.

Read that back please.  Soak it in.  Really applies to current happenings in the world doesn't it?

I was raised to have deep compassion for others.  As much as I can be a bit cold and dead inside - I'm ultimately nursing a bleeding heart.  I want to help people.  Except for spiders, spiders can all be crushed and killed. 

As a kid I remember standing up to bullies.  As an adult I give time and money to helping those who don't have what I have.  I'm that way because I learned it from my parents.  The best lesson I have ever learned from my parents is to leave things better than you received them.  That includes the people you meet.

Compassion extends well beyond charity.  Compassion means having love and acceptance for those who are different.  And quite frankly, I'm not really sure what two people are the same, so we are ALL different.

In America today, we have a leader who encourages hate.  He is the opposite of a compassionate human being and it has only made me want to be more compassionate.  He makes me want to stand up for those being oppressed and say not today Satan - you don't get to do this to other people.

Compassion is love.  Compassion is kindness.  It's holding your hand out to stand by those who need an extra hand.  It's stopping yourself before you say something cruel.  It's spending time correcting those who give out hate.  Compassion is realizing the world is bigger than you.

My challenge to you is to be more patient.  Be more open.  Spend time committing your efforts to compassion and bettering the world now so that we can leave it in a better place for the future.  Compassion is having the courage to stand up to those who don't have compassion and say I choose to treat others as I wish to be treated and I choose to leave a legacy of empathy for future generations to come.

Class dismissed.