Security

For the first time in my adult life, I feel financially secure. Let’s get real about what I mean here. I spent a lot of time working in roles that didn’t pay well. A lot of which groceries do I have to buy and where can I eat Top Ramen? A lot of ok if I pay my rent, I can’t go to the bars with friends this weekend. That’s what I mean by times I wasn’t financially secure. I’ve always paid my bills, I’ve never experienced abject poverty. I am lucky.

But there is something to be said for money buying happiness. I get it, money doesn’t solve all our problems, but having it certainly doesn’t hurt. My life is less stressful because I can pay my bills and travel the world. I can go on a shopping spree and it’s not going to throw me off balance. A weight has been lifted off my shoulders because I don’t have to worry what I’ll do if something needs to be done for my car. Money has bought me some sort of happiness by removing some of the stresses I used to have when I didn’t have any.

Money controls a lot of our culture these days. In every aspect of pop culture, money is king. Our generation is weirdly about excess and minimalism. I’m even confused about it all. But what I’ve found is that the more I have money, the more I want to save. Oddly having financial security has motivated me to lean more towards minimalism because I prefer to spend on experiences and save the rest.

I’m also more humble and appreciative of the journey I’ve been on financially because I never thought I’d get to this point. I honestly remember feeling like I was drowning and would forever be living counting every last penny to survive.

What’s the point of this not quite sob/not quite humble brag story? Not too sure in all honesty, it’s more of a revelation I had and wanted to share in all this noise about money not being able to buy happiness.

I sort of wanted to speak to the idea that a lot of people - usually people well off, like to say money can’t buy happiness. Truth is, I think in a way it very much can. It can buy you less stress. It can buy you security. It can buy you food. Health.

Bottom line, as we talk about finances and money in our culture and in social as well as political settings, I think being mindful of socioeconomic status is critical. Money can buy happiness. And sometimes, its not even a lot of money needed to do so.

Rather than a lesson, I’d like to say this should lead to some reflection and discussion around money, happiness, and the way in which we look at the connection between the two.

What do you think? Can money buy happiness?

Boxes, Part Two

Awhile back I wrote about putting friends in boxes and understanding the role they play within your life.  Now I'm going to teach you the art of not fitting into the boxes people put you in.  I know, hell of a confusing stance on boxes isn't it?

In life your people will put you into boxes.  And for the most part, these will be social or friendship categories that you fall within their circle.  But sometimes the people in our lives get a little too actively involved in who we are and create these constraints as to who they think we are.  They choose to define our roles in the world for us.

For example - as long as I can remember - some of the people in my life have put me into many roles based on how they view my choices and who I am.  I'm a failure because I move jobs a lot.  I'm angry because I'm outspoken.  I'm a bimbo because I'm so bubbly.  I've been labeled about 1,000 things for as long as I can remember - and when that comes from those closest to you, it can affect you for a really long time.  It can create a pain that's hard to get rid of.

The good news?  You can get rid of it.  Bust out of those boxes and define your own damn life.  

It took me a lot longer than I'd like to admit to stand up to the people who have ignorantly chosen to put me in certain boxes.  And I have often been made to be someone I'm not when I do stand up and say - that's on you, that's not who I am.  

BUT - the more I do say that's your circus, that's how you choose to see me - and then wash my hands of that label - the more power I feel.  The more confidence I feel in who I actually am.

I'm not a failure - I'm successful, I am brave, and I am far more career savvy than many give me credit for.  I am not an angry human - I am happy, passionate, and I am inherently kind.  Being positive, upbeat, and a damn sparkler - that doesn't make me a bimbo, it makes me a shining light!

People who put you in boxes that define who you are in their mind are insecure.  They are ignorant to your truth.  They're wrapped up in who you are, when they should be wrapped up in their own lives.  You cannot control them.  You can't change their opinions.  But you can continue to define your own life.  To decide on your own who you are and then stand on your own for who that is.  

People will always talk about you.  They'll always pretend to know more about you than you do.  And that has not one MF thing to do with you.