The Most.

I've always been the definition of extra.  I'm loud, opinionated, bubbly, and I don't come with an off switch.  And for a really long time in life, I felt ashamed because people often called me too much.

I spent a very long time trying to tone down who I am to make others comfortable.  But it turns out, I can't be toned down.  And forever and always, I was born to sparkle.  

We all spend a good majority of our lives trying to figure out who we are and come to terms with all that means.  From a very young age, I knew I was this vivacious spirit.  But because a lot of other people told me that wasn't the right way to be, I believed them and tried to downplay who I am.

Today, I know that for a lot of people I may be a whole lot to handle.  It takes a lot of energy to engage with me.  But I'm also a lot of fun, a lot of joy, and one incredible human being.  I like to think I bring a lot to the table with my need to do the most.  I won’t apologize or feel shame for being a whole lot to handle because I am wholeheartedly a lot to love.

Life is really hard.  We've got jobs and bills and health and family and relationships - there's a lot to do and balance.  Do yourself a favor and figure out who you are at your core as soon as you possibly can and just own whoever that is.  And don't let anyone tell you there's anything wrong with whoever you decide that is.  

Boxes, Part Two

Awhile back I wrote about putting friends in boxes and understanding the role they play within your life.  Now I'm going to teach you the art of not fitting into the boxes people put you in.  I know, hell of a confusing stance on boxes isn't it?

In life your people will put you into boxes.  And for the most part, these will be social or friendship categories that you fall within their circle.  But sometimes the people in our lives get a little too actively involved in who we are and create these constraints as to who they think we are.  They choose to define our roles in the world for us.

For example - as long as I can remember - some of the people in my life have put me into many roles based on how they view my choices and who I am.  I'm a failure because I move jobs a lot.  I'm angry because I'm outspoken.  I'm a bimbo because I'm so bubbly.  I've been labeled about 1,000 things for as long as I can remember - and when that comes from those closest to you, it can affect you for a really long time.  It can create a pain that's hard to get rid of.

The good news?  You can get rid of it.  Bust out of those boxes and define your own damn life.  

It took me a lot longer than I'd like to admit to stand up to the people who have ignorantly chosen to put me in certain boxes.  And I have often been made to be someone I'm not when I do stand up and say - that's on you, that's not who I am.  

BUT - the more I do say that's your circus, that's how you choose to see me - and then wash my hands of that label - the more power I feel.  The more confidence I feel in who I actually am.

I'm not a failure - I'm successful, I am brave, and I am far more career savvy than many give me credit for.  I am not an angry human - I am happy, passionate, and I am inherently kind.  Being positive, upbeat, and a damn sparkler - that doesn't make me a bimbo, it makes me a shining light!

People who put you in boxes that define who you are in their mind are insecure.  They are ignorant to your truth.  They're wrapped up in who you are, when they should be wrapped up in their own lives.  You cannot control them.  You can't change their opinions.  But you can continue to define your own life.  To decide on your own who you are and then stand on your own for who that is.  

People will always talk about you.  They'll always pretend to know more about you than you do.  And that has not one MF thing to do with you.  

Compare and Contrast

We live in a culture of comparison.  We compare our looks, status, finances, relationships - we compare everything to everyone else.  And its ridiculous.

Don't get me wrong - I do it too - but lately I've made a conscious effort not to.  Comparing your life, which is vastly different from the lives of well, anyone else - is a complete waste of time.  It causes unnecessary stress, negative emotions, and keeps you from focusing on what really matters, becoming your best you.

Being bombarded with a world of celebrities and generally wealthy socialites creates this level of achievement for the life we are supposed to live.  The more we are surrounded with the haves and those who set the standard for where we should be, the more we think we aren't doing enough.  We aren't pretty enough, skinny enough, successful enough, we are just never enough.

To be blunt - there is always someone more attractive, wealthier, and having a "better" life than you.  But that should be viewed with a little perspective.  Rarely is there a person with a perfect outward life who isn't personally suffering on the inside. 

To be even more blunt - a lot of the things these people have - they are not attainable for you.  But there are a lot of really amazing things that are attainable to you.

Comparing yourself to others is going to happen.  It's inevitable.  But minimizing the need to compare is going to vastly improve your life, even push you towards that life you compare your world to.

Appreciating where you are, the things you have, and setting realistic goals for your best life - that's how you have the dream.  Could things always be better?  Obviously.  But they don't get better by wishing you had someone else' life, they get better by actively working to improve your own life. 

Don't compare you to anyone.  Compare you to past you.  Compare you to future you.  You're never going to have anyone else' life.  You're going to have whatever life you work for and whatever life you set your attitude for.