Love is Patient

I lack patience. In every situation. I’m willing to put in the work, but at the first sign of foolish games, I’m out. A lot of people have accused me of being unrealistic in love. In giving up too easily. In walking away far too quickly.

And they’re wrong.

I believed them for a hot minute and so I spent time chasing men I shouldn’t have. Giving out second chances, and staying put when I should have dead sprinted away.

In 2019, I am a Lizzo mood. I’m not here for your games. I’m not patient. I’m not wasting my time. If you want to be captain waste her time, I’m going to catch the first flight out and I’m not scheduling a return.

Love is patient. Love is hard. Love takes work. When it’s the right person, a healthy relationship you need to be patient and put that work in. But lately I’m seeing the same people who tell me I’m too quick to cut ties putting up with a whole lot of bullshit.

There is a difference between working for love and making love work.

You should never have to work for love, but you can make love work. Hear me out. Working for love means you have to mold yourself for the love to work. Making love work is adapting the situation - together - for the love to fit your lifestyle. For the right person.

I’m a romantic. Shocking I know. I believe in love and that there are a lot of good men. I believe the fairy tale exists but my fairy tale isn’t castles and white horses - it’s mutual respect, laughter, and pushing ourselves to achieve our dreams. It’s having a cheerleader, best friend, and adventurer.

So when someone doesn’t fit this mold, hell yea I GTFO. Quickly. Lightening speed.

I am a genuinely happy woman. Being single doesn’t scare me. It doesn’t make me sad. I don’t feel shame for being 33 and unmarried. I’m not putting up a front with my confidence and joy. I am truly ridiculously happy.

That being said, I absolutely want to have someone to do life with. I’m very open to it. And I know with the right person, it’s such a beautiful thing.

Which is probably why with the wrong person, it’s such a horribly demoralizing all consuming thing.

I’ve dated a lot. I’ve been in multiple serious relationships. I’ve done the flings. I’ve had a one night stand or two. I’ve done all the things when it comes to love. So I know what works for me. And being alone does not scare me. But being in the wrong relationship does.

Marriage - a partner for life - that is something I take very seriously. I don’t want to do it more than once if I can help it.

Love is patient because its not in a rush to give you the best it has to offer. It has timing and life circumstances and growth and about a million other factors it has to align with in order to bring out the real deal.

I’m ok with however long that takes.

I am not ok with wasting my time for the wrong love. 100 years spent alone is 100X better than 100 years in the wrong love.

So yea, I walk away. I don’t chase. I quit the game before I cross the start line. If that means I miss out on the ok love - I’m fine with that. Because I’ve got a whole lot of big love for myself - and a whole list of adventures to be on until the real deal comes along.

And if I don’t find the real deal - or I cause myself to miss it - ya know what? Is that really the worst thing in the world? Because I just don’t think it is.

Frozen

I struggled a lot with whether or not I wanted to write this piece. It’s incredibly personal and life changing to have or not have children. As a woman, there is a lot of societal pressure to have children, be a mom, honestly, be it all. And growing up, it was assumed I’d get married, have the 2.5 kids and do the whole traditional family experience. The older I get, the more my dream of the future changes. I’m 33 now, I’ve sort of got to make that decision fairly soon when it comes to pregnancy. Right now, I do not have the answer. So I’m freezing my eggs.

One of the reasons I didn’t want to write this was because it puts my personal decision very out there. This is an easily searchable blog for men I date, have dated, who know me and have considered me a potential partner. To not know what I want, to potentially not want children, that could limit my dating pool. But I’ve got to be true to myself above all else, and my truth is, I don’t know.

I’m really good with kids. I enjoy time with kids in doses. I’m just really unsure if I’m willing to give up my independence to raise my own. I also really don’t know if pregnancy is an experience I want to have. If I do end up wanting kids, maybe I’ll adopt. It’s about a billion thoughts, decisions and truly personal things that I’m considering when it comes to my reproductive future. Really, my future life in general.

I wanted to talk about this because I’m sick of everyone telling me how great I am with kids. How when I meet the right person I’ll feel different. How I’ll change my mind. Maybe I will, but maybe I won’t. The thing is, bearing a child does not make me a woman. It does not make me whole. Choosing not to have children, that doesn’t make me less of a woman. It does not mean I cannot have it all. My all may look really different from your all. I’m sick of the conversations for women revolving around our relationships and child rearing status.

I simply don’t know if I want to have kids. All that says about me is that I’m actively engaged in thinking about my future in a responsible and healthy way. And I don’t give a damn what you have to think, say, or feel about that decision.