The Rules are Meant to be Broken

I have always followed the rules in life. Not the actual rules, but the ones that say get good grades, work hard, go to college, get the job, get promoted - and so forth. And you know where those riles got me? It got me injured, it got me stuck in horrific job environments, it got me challenging horrible bosses and quitting.

It got me sitting here at 36 wondering what was the point?

So I’m breaking the rules now.

I’m not searching for the next level. I’m searching for the next happy.

I’m saying yes to the last minute flights to Europe. I’m saying no to the really high paying offer that would make me miserable and force me to go back to working 24/7. I’m sitting on the couch and catching up on reality TV while I eat chips. And I’m setting boundaries at work instead of volunteering to stay up for 2 days straight to execute the perfect event.

I have decided that the rules are stupid and I’m tired of seeing people do less to get more.

So I’m creating my own rules.

Rule number one - live the life that makes me the happiest. That’s the priority.

Focus less on doing the most to achieve arbitrary milestones that I don’t think I ever cared about and spend more time on the things that spark joy.

If you’re like me and you’re been following the rules set forth when you were a wee sequin, take some time to step back and re-evaluate if those rules still apply.

Most often times you will find they do not.

So break them. And create your own rules for living. Starting with “be truly happy” at number one.

You got this.

Flip the Switch

I’ve always talked about working really hard at balance. At not giving so much to work. At focusing on getting more out of life. I look back on blogs where I said I’ve changed and I really hadn’t. I still don’t think I have. But now more than ever, I feel like the switch in my brain that puts all the pressure on myself has flipped.

I have always been type A. I have always worked hard. I have never known how to half ass anything. And my take it east is often others’ 110%. I just don’t have an off switch.

A lot of that is I think fear of sitting still. It’s knowing that when I stop moving I hear that voice in my head when I stop that says “get back at it.” It’s the fear of knowing when I stop moving, I have to face the things that have contributed to my anxiety and PTSD. And that never felt possible to face.

I’m not sure whether it’s therapy, changing my circle, taking time to not date or always be talking to someone, or a combination of everything but it all feels a lot more possible to face.

Because I’m more aware of why I am the way I am, why I react the way I react, why I have the fears and feelings I do, I now feel more able to face them and make a change.

Oh, and this casual year three of a pandemic might have caused change too.

The switch still toggles, I wouldn’t say it’s completely flipped, but it’s well on it’s way.

I care less about titles and the grind. I don’t think working 24/7 makes me someone to admire. I don’t care as much about making sure I am the best at everything I do in the workplace. I realize my value is more than what I do and where I do it. I want to experience life outside of the office. I want to travel and spend time with the people who genuinely make me feel good. I value making time for my passion projects.

I think I burnt myself out on overachieving.

And to be honest, what have I really achieved that I place a lot of value on?

I’m exhausted. I care less about the things I’m doing at work. I care less about talking about what people do for a living.

And above all else, I have started to notice when I do prioritize work and the way I talk about careers. I started to notice that other people didn’t do these things. I started to see that I was missing out on relationships and events that are what make life full. And I realized how much I let work and my career define my entire mindset and mood.

I don’t want that anymore. I don’t value that anymore.

I will always work hard. I will always value my reputation. I will always want more out of everything that I do.

I think I’ll always be 110%. I just need to redistribute how and when to do so. I can’t be 110% all the time.

I hope that what you get out of this is that if you’re feeling exhausted and frustrated and ready for a change, you’re not alone. This time has caused a major shift for a lot of us.

Sit in it, marinate in it and let it force a change. If you are not getting the most out of life, you need to make changes. It doesn’t have to be all at once, but you have to make change.

Personally, this pandemic, this country in turmoil, it’s pushed me to the edge and made me want more . I’m not sure what that looks like long term, but I have started to finally, finally actively put boundaries in place and switch up my behavior at the office and in my personal life.

It’s been nothing but positive. So I’m going to keep going. I’m going to keep pushing myself completely out of my normal comfort zone until everything feels right again.

I hope you will too.

Career Journey, Pivot

My entire life has been about overachieving. When my athletic career ended, I focused my overachieving on my career. And ever since I entered the workforce in 2007, my focus has been to do more.

Recently, I realized how tired I am and how little a title means to me. I am still committed to excellence and I will always take pride in being good at what I do, but I want more out of life than a title.

Instead of looking at what’s next. What title, what company, I’m more focused on what job affords me the most joy. Money matters because my life is expensive, but only to a point that I have the time and space to spend the money experiencing life.

It’s such an incredible shift for me to not care about that next title. I truly could not care less about what I’m called. I want to be challenged, I want growth, I want to be paid what I’m worth and then I want to have the space to create boundaries.

Boundaries are what allow me to thrive at work and in my personal life.

I spent so many years without boundaries. Work was my priority. I set aside a lot of joy to push myself at work. And it hasn’t necessarily paid off. Sure, I’ve held some incredible roles at some big companies. But it hasn’t necessarily put me ahead of my peers. A lot of getting ahead is about who you know and being strategic. Hard work doesn’t always translate to success.

I would absolutely call myself successful in my career, but I would also caution not to idolize my grind because of what I gave up to get where I’ve been.

At this point in my life, I’m taking a pivot to joy. If what I’m doing isn’t bringing me joy most days, I’m leaving. If the environment I’m in is more stressful and unhealthy than not, I’m leaving. And I’m running to places that provide me what I need in life - joy. Joy, respect for boundaries and places I can have most of it all.

There is no having it all, but you can have most of it.

I’m not sure what’s next or what all this sudden change of heart is going to lead to. But for the first time in my life, I’m ok with that.

New Year, Same Sparkle

It’s that time of year! New Year, same sparkle! That’s right, it’s the time we celebrate all that’s happened in 2021 and look forward to the fresh year that is 2022.

If you’re looking for resolutions and declarations of change, this is not the blog for you. I don’t believe in New Year’s resolutions.

2021 gets 4/5 stars. Which is really weird to think about because I had so much struggle with my mental and physical health. But I also moved back to Colorado, where I’ve wanted to come back to for almost 10 years and I bought my first home, something I never thought I’d achieve.

It’s been one of those years that makes no sense. A giant roller coaster of “life is amazing” immediately followed by “WTF is happening.”

I’ve continued the journey of being more open about my mental health, growing into a better version than I was the day before, and investing my time and energy into the things that bring me joy.

I’ve been really committed to the simplicity that can be found in asking “does this make me happy.” If it doesn’t, if a person doesn’t, I release it. If it does, I invest more time in it.

I’ve had a major shift in my career goals. I’m uninterested in leveling up in title or responsibility and instead deeply value showing up somewhere that is healthy and that challenges me but respects my personal time. I want to do big things at home just as much as I do at work. I finally get it.

The theme of the year has honestly been simply to experience the most joy I possibly can. And when I can’t, to be kind, patient and empathetic to myself until I can experience joy.

I have been more selfish. And I love that.

I have changed so much in the last year and I’m so excited about where I am going.

In 2022, I want more of 2021. Maybe less surprise negatives, but certainly more of the growth, joy and adventure.

I want to travel more (pending covid), write more, connect more, share more and be overall MORE. I want to catch more sunsets, log more miles up new mountains, hug more of my loved ones, laugh every single day and chase all the dreams I now realize are beyond possible.

I hope that 2022 brings me a new year filled with all the same sparkles that make me the person I am. And I hope that you get lots of the same.

Cheers!

Love is Patient

I lack patience. In every situation. I’m willing to put in the work, but at the first sign of foolish games, I’m out. A lot of people have accused me of being unrealistic in love. In giving up too easily. In walking away far too quickly.

And they’re wrong.

I believed them for a hot minute and so I spent time chasing men I shouldn’t have. Giving out second chances, and staying put when I should have dead sprinted away.

In 2019, I am a Lizzo mood. I’m not here for your games. I’m not patient. I’m not wasting my time. If you want to be captain waste her time, I’m going to catch the first flight out and I’m not scheduling a return.

Love is patient. Love is hard. Love takes work. When it’s the right person, a healthy relationship you need to be patient and put that work in. But lately I’m seeing the same people who tell me I’m too quick to cut ties putting up with a whole lot of bullshit.

There is a difference between working for love and making love work.

You should never have to work for love, but you can make love work. Hear me out. Working for love means you have to mold yourself for the love to work. Making love work is adapting the situation - together - for the love to fit your lifestyle. For the right person.

I’m a romantic. Shocking I know. I believe in love and that there are a lot of good men. I believe the fairy tale exists but my fairy tale isn’t castles and white horses - it’s mutual respect, laughter, and pushing ourselves to achieve our dreams. It’s having a cheerleader, best friend, and adventurer.

So when someone doesn’t fit this mold, hell yea I GTFO. Quickly. Lightening speed.

I am a genuinely happy woman. Being single doesn’t scare me. It doesn’t make me sad. I don’t feel shame for being 33 and unmarried. I’m not putting up a front with my confidence and joy. I am truly ridiculously happy.

That being said, I absolutely want to have someone to do life with. I’m very open to it. And I know with the right person, it’s such a beautiful thing.

Which is probably why with the wrong person, it’s such a horribly demoralizing all consuming thing.

I’ve dated a lot. I’ve been in multiple serious relationships. I’ve done the flings. I’ve had a one night stand or two. I’ve done all the things when it comes to love. So I know what works for me. And being alone does not scare me. But being in the wrong relationship does.

Marriage - a partner for life - that is something I take very seriously. I don’t want to do it more than once if I can help it.

Love is patient because its not in a rush to give you the best it has to offer. It has timing and life circumstances and growth and about a million other factors it has to align with in order to bring out the real deal.

I’m ok with however long that takes.

I am not ok with wasting my time for the wrong love. 100 years spent alone is 100X better than 100 years in the wrong love.

So yea, I walk away. I don’t chase. I quit the game before I cross the start line. If that means I miss out on the ok love - I’m fine with that. Because I’ve got a whole lot of big love for myself - and a whole list of adventures to be on until the real deal comes along.

And if I don’t find the real deal - or I cause myself to miss it - ya know what? Is that really the worst thing in the world? Because I just don’t think it is.