I am inherently loyal. But not regular loyal, ride or die don't ask questions loyal. The problem is, that generally extends to every aspect of my life. And realistically, that's not how life works.
It's extremely critical to have limits to loyalty. To understand the places loyalty is important and where I should extend my loyalty to myself. More often than not, being this loyal is a rarity. Most people understand the boundaries and maintain loyalty in a healthy way. Me being me - I'm extra about it.
Being loyal to the max can cause me to often be hurt by people and situations and that's on me.
For example - in the workplace, I often feel I owe something to someone and will take less than I'm worth, work too hard and overall lack proper work/life boundaries.
In my personal life - I give too much of my time, energy, and sometimes physical resources for people who just aren't willing to do the same for me.
The result of this is that I am drained, disappointed, and anxious. All of which could be avoided if I learn boundaries.
Something my therapist has been teaching me is saying no. No explanation. Just no. As simple as that seems, that's just not easy for me. It's not out of a need to people please. It's out of loyalty and a feeling that it's my job to be everything to everyone.
Real talk - I'm not a superhero, I can't do it all. It's arrogant and naive to think I can.
Many times when a situation is uncomfortable or an avenue in which my loyalty is being taken advantage of - I can feel it in my gut. I know it's happening. I know saying yes will only bring me anxiety and regret. And yet, I say yes.
But what I've learned is I've allowed my loyalty to control me so much I am literally burning myself out to the point of exhaustion. I have no other choice but to make a change or it's about to be Britney Spears 2007 in my world.
Saying no in principle seems super easy. In practice, it's weird. It's awkward. It gives me the hives.
So I'm starting small. Like really small. Things you probably think and do every single second of the day and you're like "this girl is bananas for not doing this." But no judgment zone people.
I'm saying no to plans. No to helping people. No to situations that don't aid in my health.
And the guilt for that is mad real. But in the end, what other choice do I have? Why should my happiness and health take a backseat to anyone else?
If you're struggling with the same issues, may I suggest some small steps for starting your journey to living loyalty in a healthy way?
- Practice saying no. Don't want to meet a friend for dinner? Don't. And don't give an explanation.
- Make plans for yourself. And don't cancel on yourself.
That's it. But if you're like me, those are two really huge places to start and will provide you enough of a challenge that it won't come easy.
And my sequins, remind yourselves that YOU are deserving of the loyalty you so freely give to everyone and everything in your world. You owe it to yourself to give loyalty to your mental and physical health and most of all loyatly to living your best, happiest life.