OOO

I am currently on the tail end of a two week vacation in Europe. I’m OOO, truly, madly, deeply, OOO. I’m not checking emails, I’m not answering pings, I am logged off and logged into my best me.

My entire adult life I have worked to this point.

I’d vacationed before but never had the balance nor support of my organization to truly log off. Sure, last year I was transitioning roles so there was literally no work for me to do - but had I not been in that weird limbo, I’d have been expected to be somewhat logged on.

But I’m on day 14 of being totally, completely, blissfully OOO.

I’ve traveled all over three countries, eaten all of the food, had all of the wine, and spent time being fully present in the culture I’ve immersed myself in.

And it has me thinking.

Why wait to disappear to Europe to go OOO?

Truly, if my company is providing a supportive environment - and it is - why shouldn’t I log off more?

So I’m going to.

Upon my return, I’m going to make a conscious effort to log off and go OOO whenever possible. Friday at 5, don’t call, don’t write, I’m turning work off.

Work is all consuming when you let it. The truth is, most of us aren’t saving lives. We have the ability to set a standard and say no, I’m taking this time to be fully present in my life and what that entails right now. Do so.

Stop complaining about it and do it. If your current career path doesn’t allow for that, grind until it does. Find the right fit for you because it does exist.

Work is amazing and I’m really thankful that I feel what I do does impact the world, but at the end of this whole life cycle, I want to be able to remember the moments I was OOO. I want to remember eating, drinking, laughing, smiling with the people who are most important to me.

I was to be so wrapped up in my OOO experience that on my death bed, I can physically sense every amazing experience I’ve been lucky enough to have.

What do you want to remember?

California Dreaming

I am a California girl. Something I really struggled with in Texas was the lack of outdoor living. I thrive when I can be near mountains and beaches and in general live most of my life outside. Texas just isn’t an outdoor state. A lot of the year its too hot to get outdoors and in Dallas, there’s one nature trail and lakes that are ripe with snakes! Being that I traveled most of my two years in Texas, its not something I truly noticed until the end of my time there. I honestly spent the majority of my two years in Dallas, not in Dallas. Never really had to think much about how I felt about living there because I’m not really sure I did for a long time.

I was also really unhappy at my job. Although I had been able to work on some incredible projects, big name clients, and truly grow my skill set, I didn’t feel it was somewhere I could be happy. I was either in a position that lacked good leadership and took over my life or I wasn’t challenged enough or passionate enough about what I was doing. Which is why I sought to leave.

This new role I’m in is not something I sought out. It’s in an area I swore I’d never live in. It’s in a field I have no experience in. On paper, it gets me back to everything I’ve talked about having for the past few years. The outdoor lifestyle. Closer to my family and friends. A company that’s challenging me with work I’m excited about. A team that values me for who I am. Fair pay, insane benefits. The opportunity to have a life that I enjoy.

And yet, I’ve never been more terrified about a next move in my entire life. I spent the first week in my new city overthinking everything. I was anxious every moment of the day. I kept questioning if I made the right decision.

Why when I’m seemingly being handed everything I’ve ever wanted in this moment, I am the most afraid and unhappy?

Most of my life I’ve lived looking for what’s next. I’ve had some part of the package that doesn’t fit and leaves me needing to move on. I think what has scared me the most about this move is that it has the opportunity to be permanent. To be somewhere I can be content. That I don’t have to constantly be looking for where I’ll go next. Where I’m at now can be an investment in building a life where I stay put.

For the past 6+ years, I’ve been on a journey that is easy for me to leave. I’ve made so many friends that are hard to leave, but the actual places I’ve lived and jobs I’ve had, I’ve left without looking back. I’ve always arrived knowing I’d leave sooner rather than later. It was never scary because I knew I didn’t plan to stay.

Arriving here feels more real and serious because this could be where I finally dig in roots and build a future. And that scares me. That’s a future that puts pressure on me to succeed.

I’m sure many can relate to the idea of needing to feel ready to up and leave. That there’s always an out. And sure, there’s an out for me here. I can always leave. I’m not required to be here forever. But there’s a lot more at stake for me. My family is here. My friends are mostly here (or close by). I love this state. I’m invested in this job and the people on my team. I love the brand I work for. If I fail here, it means something. I think it’s a huge test of what I’m made of in business.

If I’m to guess what my therapist would say, she’d probably point to my fear of failure (and thinking I’m not good enough or achieving enough) and my fear of commitment (my need to only rely on myself).

I’m probably afraid that because this is something familiar (and yet unfamiliar in my new role), I’m taking a huge risk and failing here, not achieving enough here, that’s heavy for me. Like there’s no diet capable of removing that kind of weight.

I’m also very much not on my own here. I can’t simply hole up and avoid the world around me. My circle here wouldn’t allow that. Whether I like it or not, I’m not alone. I cant hide because there are too many people here to find me. I can’t create a distance or put up a wall.

Reading all this, thinking through it all, it makes me feel a bit of relief. Its wild to think the familiar is what can scare us the most. But it makes sense. Coming back feels full circle, but it also nags at me as a failure. And it all suffocates me a bit.

I think if I’m honest, the scariest thing I’ve ever done is come back to California. To embark on something both wildly familiar and wildly out of my comfort zone. I’ve moved thousands of miles away and moving home is the scariest experience I’ve ever had.

The point is, the things that should seem to be the easiest, can often be the most difficult. Just because something appears to be a situation you should handle with ease does not mean you will. And that’s ok.

The experiences we expect to be the best days of our lives can cause us the most anxiety, fear, and sadness. And that’s ok.

It’s the every day that often causes our mental health to suffer the most. Because those are the times we don’t check in with ourselves and ask for help. Nobody wants to say “this really awesome thing is happening to me and I want to cry every second of the day.” We don’t feel safe in reaching out because on the surface, nothing terrible is happening, why in the world would we be suffering?

I spent most of the time not telling anyone how much I was hurting. How I woke up sweating, in a panic. How I cried for the first time in 3-68 years. I pretended to thrive on the excitement and be only thinking of how incredible my life was. How lucky I was for this next adventure. An adventure that quite literally was handed to me. Inside, I was crumbling.

I wish I had spoken up and expressed my feelings to someone. That’s what your people are there for. To help you when you don’t know how to help yourself.

I’m in a better place now. I’m excited. I’m looking forward to all the possibilities. I’m confident in what I bring to the table. I have my moments. I’m human - as much as I’ve fought it - I’ve got feelings!

Who thought my boldest adventure yet would be to go home again?

Often times our emotions don’t make sense. There’s all these rules dictating how you should feel in any given situation. And yet, we all know those rules don't always hold. We aren’t alone. Stop holding it in and start talking about it. The more we open up and say what’s going on, the more we find people who are going through something similar. You may even help someone around you who went through the same thing.

At the end of the day, don’t dismiss how you feel. You know yourself better than anyone. You know when you need help and when you’re just going through something. Don’t let it get bad. And don’t shame yourself for needing to speak up. There’s no rules  to surviving, I just ask that you do.

Plot Twist

Even though it often seems my journey has been a wild one without any plans, I can assure you, it’s all been carefully crafted. I’ve spent hours making lists and having conversations agonizing over the choices I’ve made and the paths I’ve taken. There’s never been anything but the plan for me.

This next step, it wasn’t planned. It wasn’t even remotely on my radar. The next part of my journey was presented to me out of the blue.

And that’s why I have to take it. Because it’s not part of the plan. It’s a plot twist not even I expected.

You ready for this?  

I’m going back to Northern California. 

I love where I’m from. But I never thought I’d move back.  

And get this - I’m going into tech. 

I’m moving to the most expensive market in the nation, into an industry I’ve never worked in. 

Everything about this next move is unplanned. It’s out of my comfort zone, out of my immediate breadth of experience, and I could not be more excited. 

I told myself I wanted to shake things up. Over and over I’ve talked about needing a challenge. The universe heard me. And it sent me a college teammate who believes in me enough to help make this a reality.  

For me that’s the coolest part of all this. I’ve spent my entire career in situations that I’ve been told to compromise my ethics, and I never have. I’ve been put down and belittled for being who I am and now, I’m being pursued for it. 

I know I’m talented. I know I’m a good human being. I know I can and I will excel at this new adventure. But having a team of people feel just as excited to have me, that’s one incredible high.  

I’m a naturally positive, easily motivated, go getter. So I could be seeing this next journey with the most rose colored glasses. Truth is - nothing is perfect, and this won’t be either. But it’s the most confident I’ve ever felt in a decision in my career.  

Now Id love to tell you all about how it goes - and to some extent I will share pieces. But tech is tech and the secrecy that comes with it (secret agent? Jk, maybe). So I’ll update you on how I’m feeling with it all and how it’s going in general, but I’ll be keeping a lot of this next one to myself. 

The lesson of this wild, horribly written, long run on blog? I have no idea what I’m doing. The plan is fucked. I think getting off the path and taking a new one is worth a shot. Putting all of your trust in yourself and who you are is the biggest risk you can ever take. But if you can’t count on yourself, who can you count on?

Be brave Sequins. Believe in yourself. And most of all, believe you deserve it all.  

Pop the Bubble

I've moved a lot. I spent 26 years in California and then I left and never stopped moving.

A lot of people question me for it. They ask what I'm running from. They call me flighty. They assume I have no plan. And what that tells me is that they're unsure of who they are.

I'm not running from anything. I've never been flighty about anything in my life. And everything I've ever done stems from an elaborate plan.

What happened was I became brave enough to pop the bubble.

I took a risk, I left everything I ever knew, and I moved to a place where I didn't know a soul.

And it was the single best thing I could have ever done for myself.

Having the courage to completely leave the bubble I was raised in was the scariest thing I have ever done. And at the same time, it's been the most defining moment of my life.

It's given me confidence in who I am and who I can be. I know that no matter what happens, I can do anything. I can pick myself up after any failure and I can achieve all the dreams I set for myself.

That's why I keep moving.

I refuse to get too comfortable. I refuse to stop growing. I refuse to settle for anything less than everything.

If a job, relationship, city doesn't feel right, I leave. Because I can.

Nothing is permanent. No situation is forever. You have the opportunity to change at any given moment if you have the courage and commitment to do so.

I know that if I'm going through a hard time, if I don't like the job I've accepted, the state I've moved to, it's all fixable. Certainly I advise giving all of that time and get to the root of the issue before making any major decisions, but don't let the negativity consume you. Have confidence that you can make a comeback, there are always options.

My only regret is that I waited 26 years to start the adventure. Because that's what it's been, the biggest best adventure of my life. It's the road to learning who I am and what I'm made of. It's getting the opportunity to work at my dream job. And then it's being completely broken when it was the worst job I ever had. It's the the city I never thought I'd love again but fell for in a whole new way. And it's being broken again when circumstances beyond my control forced me to leave that city and spend 6 whole months finding my next adventure. It's all of those and the ones after and the ones yet to come.

The day I dropped my parents off at the airport in Denver and was truly on my own for the first time, I cried. And I don't cry. My best girls actually refer to a bar in Santa Monica as the first time I ever cried because in the 10 years they've known me, that's the only time they've seen me cry. But I cried like a tiny baby the entire hour drive back to my new home. I had never been so far from my support system. I didn't have any friends. I didn't even know where to buy groceries.

I look back on those two years and laugh. The things I didn't know how to do. The fears I had. Look at me now. I'm a professional at moving. An expert at creating a full life in whatever city I land in. I don't even think twice about picking up and driving to a new home halfway across the country. In fact, I thrive on it.

I am fueled by the opportunities to live a life I don't even know about yet. It's exciting to think of the potential out there. I don't fear failure anymore. I fear complacency. I fear not being able to get the most out of my journey. I am so confident in my ability to succeed that I am crazy enough to think that all my dreams can come true.

Stop complaining. Stop wishing for more. Stop being afraid. Pop the freaking bubble. And watch all your limits cease to exist.

Destination Addiction

The first time I ever moved away from home was at 26. Up until that point I never lived farther than an hour flight from where I was born and raised. When I made that move, it was to grow. I wanted to get out of my comfort zone. But soon after, I moved again. And again.

It wasn't until recently that I heard of the idea of destination addiction.

Destination Addiction is a preoccupation with the idea that happiness is in the next place, the next job, and with the next partner.

Every time I was unhappy in my current situation, I left. And while I was searching for that next city or job (or quite frankly running from the current relationship), I was missing out on what was in front of me.

Truth is, happiness can be created any time. It's about your attitude and your effort. You're always going to want for more. A better job, better partner, better home - that's a constant. Very rarely do all the stars align for perfect. And when it does, it's very brief. But when you choose to focus on the joy, to put the negative in a box at the side, you allow for happiness in the present.

I think back to times I was unhappy and how I let it consume me. My only focus was to get out. Get to the next destination. And while I won't downplay the times I was truly miserable, if I had refused to allow those parts to take over my entire world, I would have made room for a lot of happiness.

I missed out on events, developing friendships, and new adventures because all I could see was what could be next. You don't get a redo on what you miss out on. I don't get to go back and attend the birthday party. I don't get a second chance with everyone I no longer have relationships with.

Having a longing for more, for better is okay. Allowing those feelings to become all consuming, are not. Being able to understand that happiness is not the next job, relationship, or destination is one of the most critical life skills you could ever learn.

Happiness is possible whenever, wherever, with whomever as long as you're open to it.

It's up to you - do you want to live 75 years chasing the next best thing or do you want to get up everyday and truly live?

Side Hustle

These days, everybody has a side hustle.  Between Beach Body, Rodan and Fields, Lula Roe, the endless boutiques, consultants for everything you can think of - it's impossible to avoid seeing the impact of the side hustle in todays world.  

The goal of the side hustle is to make it your main hustle.  It's what you do to get yourself ahead build your income, and to eventually allow yourself to be your own boss.  

As long as I can remember, I've wanted to be a writer.  It took me a really long time to realize how much of a role writing has played in my life, but now that I know it's my passion, it's all I can think about.  This blog, and now the work I do consulting, guest blogging, and ghost writing - these things are my side hustle so that one day I can confidently say that I am a writer, and my own boss.

I think a lot of people out there have passions that aren't in line with what they're currently doing in their career.  They want to make a change but starting can be overwhelming.  They vow to do something and might start the journey, but excuses come up and the dream is put on hold.  I've been there.  I did that for years.  I talked and talked about how I wanted to start a blog, write a book - and I started those things, and then I stopped.  But having been consistent for a year and a half of this website has instilled in me a fire to never stop.  And if I can do it, you can too.

Create Clarity

Figure out what your goals are and write them down.  Be concise, be specific, and be extremely detailed.  Post these goals somewhere you will see them every single day.  Keep a notebook with you at all times where these goals are also written down and where you can jot down your ideas and tasks towards developing the goals.  The point is to have no confusion or room for uncertainty - if you write these goals down - they're real and they're in front of you every single day.  It's a lot harder to walk away from a dream when you're constantly faced with the realization that its just a dream.

Stop Making Excuses

I work a lot.  I travel a lot.  I'm a social person.  I like to workout.  I have a dog.  I'm tired.  I am the queen of excuses.  I'll give you excuses you've never even heard before and the little dream crusher inside of me she backs up these excuses.  In order to make anything happen - you've got to give up those excuses.  And you've got to hold yourself accountable.  Your excuses are BS, and you've got to remind yourself if it's important to you, you'll make it happen.  Sacrifices will have to be made.  You will give up time where you would rather be with friends, family, partying, sleeping, whatever - but you have to carve out time to work on your dreams or they're again, just dreams.

Have a Plan

People who don't have concrete plans make me insane.  I plan for a living and I understand the detail and precision that must go into plans in order to achieve goals.  I want to be a writer but simply having a plan to write isn't a plan that's going to succeed.  I need a strategy for content, a brand, and a means of pushing my brand out to the world.  And I've got to double check each of these steps with ROI so that I know what works and what doesn't.  I don't want to be another one of those bloggers who thinks success comes from just writing when I can, putting content out when I have it and hoping my cute face will get me followers.  Without a plan, the dream is still - just. a. dream.

Accountability

Speak your plans into the world.  Tell your squad about your goals and plans.  There's something real about putting your dreams into the world where others know about them.  You're kind of a loser if you're the friend who talks about doing all the time and never follows through.  I don't like being around those people, I don't trust those people to follow through for me if they can't even follow through for themselves.  Hold yourself accountable by being open about the dream, the plan, and the steps you're  taking to make the dream more than just a dream.

Dreams are so freaking cool.  People with big dream and passions are my favorite people to surround myself with.  And seeing people achieve their dreams after all the hard work they put in to make it happen - that's magic.  Respect the magic of a side hustle and if you do it right, your dreams will be anything but just dreams - they'll become your reality.

Wild Heart

For the first 26 years of my life I lived in California.  I briefly spent about a year and a half in Los Angeles but for the majority of those 26 years I lived within 40 minutes of my hometown.  I had traveled a ton and experienced different cultures thanks to my parents, but I had never drifted far from my comfort zone.  

Then, in 2012, at the age of 26 - I took a risk and moved to Colorado.  I knew nobody, had only been once, and literally saw my apartment for the first time the day I moved in.  Talk about a 180.  I went from complete familiarity to wildly out of my comfort zone.  

And ever since - I've been addicted to that lifestyle. I've lived in 4 states since I moved to Colorado and I don't know if Ill ever stop.  I've grown this wild heart that gets joy from new opportunities and experiences.  The uncertainty of future adventures makes my blood pump in the very best way.

The way I choose to keep moving is often confusing for other people.  They assume I'm running from something or unable to find joy.  But for me, seeing people stand still is confusing.  With so much to see and so many places to go - how could you ever stick two feet in the ground and claim stake?  If there's one thing I've learned on my journey, it's to not pay much mind to the opinions of those who don't understand my lifestyle.  

Will I ever stop feeling the need to move on?  Probably.  I think when I find somewhere that feels right, in a job that feels good to go to everyday, when I finally find a heart that matches my beat, I'll stay put.  But until all those stars align, good luck keeping up.

Setback: A Reversal in Progress

I've got to be honest.  I've suffered a setback.  I've slipped back a bit to my old ways of working too much and allowing my stress to climb too high.

For me, the biggest weakness I have is to allow work to consume too much of my time and my mind.  I don't shut off the business and cause myself unnecessary stress.  Most of this is of my own doing.  I truly believe we all have a choice when it comes to work life balance.  

If you do not like where you're at, you either need to change your attitude or change your situation. 

I live by this motto and you should too.  We spend far too much time complaining and far too little time actively directing our own play.  And spare me the excuse that you're stuck for X, Y, or Z reason.  You're  stuck if you let yourself be stuck.  You move forward if you choose to take steps forward.

I've allowed myself to be consumed by my job because well, old habits die hard.  I've taken the stresses home and dwelled too long on the pieces I don't enjoy.  I can feel it in my lack of sleep, difficulty focusing, and my pulling away from the people around me.  I'm irritable, exhausted, and easily frustrated.  

It's not a fun realization when I see myself slipping back into my old way of living.  

Thankfully, I've caught myself on the downward slide and I'm confronting the issues head on.  I'm deciding to put a stop to it and turn myself right back around in a positive direction.

I know what you're thinking - am I going to change my attitude or change my situation?  Right now, in order to remain sane, I'm changing my attitude.  I'm stopping myself when I talk too much about the negative and I'm redirecting my energies to positive situations.  If at the end of the day I'm unable to exist in my situation after changing my attitude, then I'll change my situation.

Setbacks are inevitable.  Learning to change conditioned behavior is one of the hardest struggles out there.  And it only gets worse as we get older.  Take comfort in being able to recognize when you're faced with a setback.  Cut yourself a break as you reengage your focus and shift your energies to the right path.  A setback can easily be turned into one hell of a comeback if you're brave enough to try.  

Rollercoaster of Life

Life is like a roller coaster.  It's a series of ups and downs, highs and lows, twists and turns - you are never always on top and you are never stuck at the bottom.  

There is a lot of pressure in society to constantly be on.  To define success by always being in a great place.  But in reality - life is in constant transition.  You cannot possibly always have it all and to pretend you do is a really sad, exhausting lie.

In my past - I have fallen victim to the  pressure to prove myself.  To show those around me that I am in fact successful because I'm always onto the next step.  Truthfully, I've had some incredible success, failures, and unfortunate lessons that weren't really a success or a failure.  I've been laid off, accepted my dream job, been unemployed for 6 months, made a Division One track program, been consistently injured, felt incredible about myself, and been at the absolute bottom of the bottom.  

The point is - stop trying to be anything to anyone but yourself.  Stop pressuring yourself to prove you're a success to the masses and start focusing on how you define success for yourself.  

I used to define success by money and career status.  The more I've grown and asked myself why I felt that way - the more I've learned that my success is surviving my struggles, finding joy, and creating relationships that make me feel good.  

Do I want to have a successful career with financial stability?  Absolutely.  But I want a career that gives me passion, happiness - and fills my bank account so that I can travel and spend time with my humans.  I don't care if I'm the CEO of the Universe - that might impress Facebook, but if I'm unhappy, that's a failure.

Equally - a year ago I was laid off from a job I hated.  I made the decision to move home because I didn't want to build a life in LA anymore and financially - I needed to be smarter.  I was 31 and living at home.  It took me 6 months to find a job I was willing to accept and build a future on.  During that time - I was told by people very close to me that I was failing.  That I had done so much only to fall so far.  At first - I was mortified and started to believe what I was being told.  But something happened - I also got really protective of myself.  I did not consider myself failing.  Was it easy?  Was it where I wanted to be?  Absolutely not.  But I did not fail.  I was not at my lowest low.  I needed that time to regroup, make sure I was setting myself up for success financially, and to not rush into another bad situation.  I am not embarrassed by that time in my life.  It was part of my rollercoaster.  

In relationships, in careers, in health and in happiness - life will not be a constant peak.  You will fall and tumble and fall again.  You will rise and stay so high and then plateau and peak again.  Every single person in the world lives by this pattern.  You are not unique in having the roller coaster experience.  Take comfort in the fact that we all go through things that none of us see.  And remember in that vain - because you can't see everyone's highs and lows - we are all fighting battles and celebrating successes you know nothing about.  

You don't owe your story to anyone.  You don't have to show the world anything but what you choose to share.  The more you find the confidence to do what lights your world on fire - the less you need validation from society around you.

You are the one who has to live with each choice you make.  The people you're trying so hard to show your amazing life to - they don't matter.  They aren't part of your story, they're spectators to the world you present to them.  What do you want your life to look like, feel like, and say to your soul?

Compare and Contrast

We live in a culture of comparison.  We compare our looks, status, finances, relationships - we compare everything to everyone else.  And its ridiculous.

Don't get me wrong - I do it too - but lately I've made a conscious effort not to.  Comparing your life, which is vastly different from the lives of well, anyone else - is a complete waste of time.  It causes unnecessary stress, negative emotions, and keeps you from focusing on what really matters, becoming your best you.

Being bombarded with a world of celebrities and generally wealthy socialites creates this level of achievement for the life we are supposed to live.  The more we are surrounded with the haves and those who set the standard for where we should be, the more we think we aren't doing enough.  We aren't pretty enough, skinny enough, successful enough, we are just never enough.

To be blunt - there is always someone more attractive, wealthier, and having a "better" life than you.  But that should be viewed with a little perspective.  Rarely is there a person with a perfect outward life who isn't personally suffering on the inside. 

To be even more blunt - a lot of the things these people have - they are not attainable for you.  But there are a lot of really amazing things that are attainable to you.

Comparing yourself to others is going to happen.  It's inevitable.  But minimizing the need to compare is going to vastly improve your life, even push you towards that life you compare your world to.

Appreciating where you are, the things you have, and setting realistic goals for your best life - that's how you have the dream.  Could things always be better?  Obviously.  But they don't get better by wishing you had someone else' life, they get better by actively working to improve your own life. 

Don't compare you to anyone.  Compare you to past you.  Compare you to future you.  You're never going to have anyone else' life.  You're going to have whatever life you work for and whatever life you set your attitude for.