No Excuses

Part of my constant journey to become an ally means thinking critically about my current habits and words. What am I saying to others? What am I consuming? How am I presenting myself in the world?

A space I recently have found as an area I needed to grow was how I excuse people simply because they’re “old” or “that’s how they grew up.”

I’ve absolutely made concessions for old white people who are absolutely racist. They’re just old. That’s the time they were raised in. Or I think about where people are from and how they grew up and excuse their beliefs because they don’t know any better.

THat’s wrong. That’s not antiracist. And that is not being an ally.

Times have changed. Thwe information is out there. And critical thinking is a life skill.

Racism is wrong. Full stop.

I don’t care if you’re 5 or 95, you owe it to the world to be better. I don’t care if you grew up in New York City or the middle of nowhere Arkansas, you have the ability to be better.

I’m no longer accepting any excuse for being racist, speaking about others with hate or acting in a way that is racist. I’m not.

I’m calling it out, I’m correcting the behavior, I’m educating that person on how they are wrong and can be better.

Unless you’re being actively antiracist, you’re racist.

Period.

I know it can be uncomfortable because a lot of the folks I’ve excused in the past are family or friends, but that’s not acceptable. Sitting in my comfort is not acceptable. If I’m not speaking up, I am part of the problem.

Am I saying you need to have arguments with people everyday? No. But you do need to find a way to say “Hey Grandma, that’s actually not true and it’s harmful and racist and here’s why.”

Sitting in my comfort, excusing racism for age or background, that’s White Privelege at work. And it’s me resting in that space because I can.

And it’s wrong.

There are no excuses for racism. None. So in my journey to be an ally (and it is always a journey), I am stepping up to be better. No excuses about it.

You’re part of the problem, or you’re part of the solution. What side are you on?

Proud Mama

While living in Texas, I met a woman who who would change my life. She has become one of my closest friends and I consider both her and her family, my extended family. They became people that I knew I could turn to in Texas and I’d have a home to go to, which is really important to me. Texas never felt like my home but these people did.

I grew up in California and while my family I would say is more middle of the road in their belief system, Californians by nature are generally more left than right.

My Texas family definitely leans a lot more Republican in every sense of the system. They’re right of the middle.

And yet our differences are the perfect example of how to exist in a happy place of having different political beliefs but agreeing on a lot of the important social issues. More importantly, these are people that I know I can have respectful open discussion with and truly learn from each other.

Before I left Texas, my friend and I made a deal - I would go to her church with her if she promised to vote in 2020. Little did I know, she would begin a journey of committing herself to becoming more informed, educated and aware of the world around her in a way I had never planned on.

I want to make it clear, it is never my goal to change anyone. I think it’s important to have open dialogue in a supportive environment without judgment, but ultimately with the goal of informing, not changing. I don’t have everything figured out, I’ll never pretend to, but I want to share my experiences and views to encourage others to think differently.

That’s what she has done. She is the perfect example of staying committed to her deep faith but understanding that her faith doesn’t give her the right to control others or push that belief on others. She speaks passionately and is an incredible example of her Christian faith without being pushy. I greatly respect her ability to commit to her religion on this journey while expanding her horizons in the political and social space.

Abortion is generally frowned upon in Texas and in Christian religion. She is not a proponent of abortion and never will be. But she has recently come to understand that just because she would not choose that for herself, does not mean she has the right to tell someone else what to do with their own body. And I could cry.

I am a proud mama because she made that decision for herself. She researched, she talked to people, and she said this is what I believe and what works for me but I want to respect other humans in this world.

At work, she’s figuring out ways to be inclusive. Out of work, she’s reaching out to ask my opinion on current events and to clarify things she doesn’t understand. I don’t know the answer every time, but having her trust me enough on this journey means the world.

I write all of this to say, be more like my friend. No matter what “side” you are on, or what your belief system is, we could all stand to be more open to discussion, committed to educating ourselves, and care enough to put ourselves in the shoes of others. She is everything this world needs right now and inspires me to continue to challenge myself to think differently.

Politically Speaking.

The election is over.  Donald Trump is our new President.  I know, Donald Trump, the man who didn't even believe it himself, was elected President of the United States of America.

I'll admit - I cried when I learned that Trump would be our 45th President.  I shed about 6 whole tears, which incidentally is more than I've shed in about 100 years of existence.  Politically speaking - I don't much care for politics.  And politically speaking - I'm not upset about the politics associated with Donald Trump.  But I am upset that a man ran an entire campaign based in blatant racist, sexist, hateful sentiments - and he won.

I'm upset that people, intelligent, loving, good human beings were so upset with the state of our nation that they were willing to overlook these sentiments and elect this man as our leader.  No, not all voters who selected Trump are racist or sexist - but a vote for Trump is a vote that says "I'm willing to condone how he ran his campaign because of other factors."

And what a luxury that is.  There's a great divide between those who believe a vote for Trump is a vote for hate and those who simply claim they disagree with how he chose to run his campaign but believe in his politics.  And believe me, I get that.  I'm fiscally Republican.  Socially - I lean more Democratic.  Realistically, I should be part of that whole group that has such a mixed bag of views they don't even fit Independents.  I should start a sparkly party.  I digress (as I so often do), what is hard for me to understand is:

1. If you don't believe a vote for Trump is a vote for hate what is your justification to vote for someone who ran a campaign on blatant racist, sexist, and went so far to even mock a disabled person?  Are you a protected class?

2. Now that we've started to "give Trump a chance" as he elects his surrounding team and that he's shown to put some bad people in place - do you still back your vote?  If you do, where do we draw the line?

3. Are you altogether denying that racism/sexism/bigotry exist as a larger problem?

Truly - I'm accepting and open to different beliefs.  I enjoy open discussion and have made a point to understand both sides.  I've had great debate with friends and people I respect who voted for Trump.  And whether I'm wrong or right - I want to understand why as a nation we aren't more concerned about the implications of this type of campaign and Presidency?  I want to understand why groups of people don't feel as passionate about the racist/sexist/bigoted speech and actions.  I want to know why its easy for some to dismiss the concerns of millions and say "get over it".  I'm intensely curious about all of these things.  And I want to see discussion, evaluation, and accountability for all of it. 

At the end of four years - I would love to be wrong.  I would love to see Donald Trump turn into a saint who brings America better and makes us the strongest we've ever been.  But I'm scared we set ourselves back and created a scary place to exist.  And I think it's ok to feel scared.  It's ok to have questions.  Instead of the hateful arguments and accusations and telling citizens how to feel - talk to each other.  Realize the only way we get through this is to respect each other, to communicate, and to be open minded.  Dividing ourselves is not only unproductive its positively stupid.  It's how we destroy ourselves.  Put aside your pride and actively listen to the concerns of others.  We have to exist together and personally I would like to exist in a positive way - the only way to do that is to come together so that we have a majority of open minded people.  To work together so much that the few that are truly bad seeds cannot be heard.