Proud Mama

While living in Texas, I met a woman who who would change my life. She has become one of my closest friends and I consider both her and her family, my extended family. They became people that I knew I could turn to in Texas and I’d have a home to go to, which is really important to me. Texas never felt like my home but these people did.

I grew up in California and while my family I would say is more middle of the road in their belief system, Californians by nature are generally more left than right.

My Texas family definitely leans a lot more Republican in every sense of the system. They’re right of the middle.

And yet our differences are the perfect example of how to exist in a happy place of having different political beliefs but agreeing on a lot of the important social issues. More importantly, these are people that I know I can have respectful open discussion with and truly learn from each other.

Before I left Texas, my friend and I made a deal - I would go to her church with her if she promised to vote in 2020. Little did I know, she would begin a journey of committing herself to becoming more informed, educated and aware of the world around her in a way I had never planned on.

I want to make it clear, it is never my goal to change anyone. I think it’s important to have open dialogue in a supportive environment without judgment, but ultimately with the goal of informing, not changing. I don’t have everything figured out, I’ll never pretend to, but I want to share my experiences and views to encourage others to think differently.

That’s what she has done. She is the perfect example of staying committed to her deep faith but understanding that her faith doesn’t give her the right to control others or push that belief on others. She speaks passionately and is an incredible example of her Christian faith without being pushy. I greatly respect her ability to commit to her religion on this journey while expanding her horizons in the political and social space.

Abortion is generally frowned upon in Texas and in Christian religion. She is not a proponent of abortion and never will be. But she has recently come to understand that just because she would not choose that for herself, does not mean she has the right to tell someone else what to do with their own body. And I could cry.

I am a proud mama because she made that decision for herself. She researched, she talked to people, and she said this is what I believe and what works for me but I want to respect other humans in this world.

At work, she’s figuring out ways to be inclusive. Out of work, she’s reaching out to ask my opinion on current events and to clarify things she doesn’t understand. I don’t know the answer every time, but having her trust me enough on this journey means the world.

I write all of this to say, be more like my friend. No matter what “side” you are on, or what your belief system is, we could all stand to be more open to discussion, committed to educating ourselves, and care enough to put ourselves in the shoes of others. She is everything this world needs right now and inspires me to continue to challenge myself to think differently.

Ignorance is bliss

I spoke about this in an earlier blog but I wanted to elaborate. I have said and thought a lot of ignorant things in my life. And I feel a lot of shame for ever thinking those things or speaking them into existence. Now on the level of ignorance, I’ve still always been pretty aware. But it’s important to acknowledge that I’ve said and thought things that are wrong and socially or politically unaware.

Why is this worth two blog posts? Because right now society exists in a place of us vs them. We are in constant competition to say what is right and what is wrong and who can be the most woke. There is so much shame around anyone who has ever thought something that is ignorant that I think many people live in fear of speaking up. That is not how we create a better world moving forward.

America is fucked up right now. Truly, I’m not sure how to sugarcoat that or say it in a better way. We rip children from their families. We are killing innocent black men at an alarming rate. Women’s rights are being stripped every single day. Hate is everywhere. And our President is the biggest proponent of this.

I’m all for standing up and saying what you believe is wrong. If you believe in hate, racism, sexism - general bigotry - you need to be called out on that. It is not ok to push these agendas.

Here’s where I disagree with some liberal agendas - shaming people for what they believe. In order to affect change, we have got to say you’re wrong and this is why. And we have to listen. Really sit down and listen and have open nonjudgmental conversations with people.

I am able to be more open and aware because I had people who allowed me safe spaces for questions. I openly spoke my ignorance into those safe spaces and instead of being shamed, I was given patience and guidance to a new perspective. Because those people shared their stories in such a comforting environment, I was able to form new opinions on my own based on hearing other experiences.

Politics and social issues are not a competition between two teams to be won and lost. Everyone continues to lose if we continue to operate the way we are. It’s not a game. Human lives have been lost. More lives are at risk. We need to do everything we can to encourage change as best we can through open and safe environments. The more we create a culture of fear, the longer we will live in this state of ugly. And I am so sick and heartbroken by the ugly I see around me.

I have believed ignorant things. I will probably believe more ignorant things again. I am not a bad person. I’m a better person because I’m willing to learn and grow and become a better member of society through safe spaces.

It’s also really important to me to be a safe space for anyone who needs one. If you have questions/comments or need someone to talk with, please know that I am here for you. If you’re open to growth and being more aware and empathetic, I’m here to help you however I can on that journey.

The Kids Call it WOKE

I grew up in a lovely little sheltered suburban community with more plant diversity than people diversity. Thankfully I had parents who exposed me to travel, an inner city track club, and spoke to me about being a good human. However, growing up I wouldn’t consider myself “woke” as the kids say.

Today there is a lot of pressure around being aware, involved and on the right side of history. And I’m here for that. I think its important to learn, grow, and be part of creating change. But I also don’t expect everyone to show up that way. We all grew up in different worlds with different levels of awareness. Often we aren’t “woke” until we take the time to force ourselves to be so.

I have not always been so aware and involved. I believe its important to say I’ve said horrible things before. Regardless of not meaning harm with my words, with joking, whatever the case may be, its wrong. I apologize for that, I understand where I was wrong. Chances are, a lot of us have been in the same boat. Where I believe the problem lies is with the constant need to shame people for who they were before they evolved.

It is entirely possible to start from a place of ignorance and choose to be better. When we constantly shame people for who they were while they’re trying to grow - it creates fear in them and prevents them from evolving. If you’re constantly told how horrible you are for who you were by a group that’s supposedly super “woke”, what’s the motivation to be part of that new circle? Personally, I welcome people willing to become a better person. I let them know the things that aren’t acceptable and help them understand where they went wrong in the past and then I help answer questions in a safe space moving forward.

We have to create safe spaces for learning and growing. Creating hostile communities for change only belittles the message and makes us just as bad as “the other side.” If you want to ask for change, equality, compassion - you must first embody that.

Living in Texas for two years, I encountered a lot of Southern traditional values. Including racism, homophobia, and sexism. And it breaks my heart every time. But I don’t get angry. I understand that in order to effect change, I have to be open to listening and having positive conversations. If someone isn’t willing to change, I wish them well and move on. Those aren’t the people who are going to change the world. Change will weed them out. But I’ll be damned if I am going to stoop to that level with hateful rhetoric. I’m going to be an open door for having the tough conversations, for asking the uncomfortable questions judgment free. Because THAT is how we encourage learning and growth.

We don’t all get it right the first time. I certainly haven’t always been the very model of what I believe and practice now and I’m sure there are STILL times I am not perfect, but I work towards it. And I welcome anyone else who would like to do so. I’m a safe space. Please feel free to come to me and know I’m not here to judge you if you’re open to learning and becoming a better person in the world. I’m grateful for you taking the chance to do so and I’d like to be someone you can trust in that process.