Life is a team sport

Everything in life relates back to sports. Nothing makes me more sure of that than experiencing the overwhelming support from friends, family, colleagues - even acquaintances as I’ve been open about my life journey.

And nothing has been made more clear to me than the idea that life is a team sport. You cannot get through life without a team.

Yet in America, we are very much living under leadership that tries to show us it is every white man for himself. What has thankfully come from that is a large group of people who refuse to be anything but compassionate for others. That’s where I’m currently moving each and every day.

The older I get, the more I see our country promote hate and divisiveness, the more I want to be patient, loving, caring, and engaged in life as a teammate.

What does it mean to be a good teammate in life?

Look, I cannot teach you how to care about other people. We shouldn’t have to show you a bunch of graphs and evidence as to why you should care. There is no help for the people who do not understand caring about other human beings matters.

This is for the people who care.

Being a good teammate is leading from a place of compassion. It’s thinking about life as an ecosystem that requires diverse entities in order to survive and thrive.

It means not operating from a place of greed. It means knowing you can have it all and more, so maybe helping someone else with the more that I have would be a really great thing to do.

It’s giving support to people who might need it more than you.

It’s saying I don’t know your struggle but I support you in going through it and being brave enough to share it.

It is acknowledging that we are all different, yet all equal in our value as a human life.

For me, it’s finding more patience and less judgement for others. It’s listening to their stories, hopes, dreams, and fears and simply saying I hear you. And it’s finding a way to help whenever I have the capacity to do so. It’s admitting I am privileged and while I don’t owe anyone anything because of that, I have the opportunity to be an ally for those who do not share my privilege.

I challenge you to figure out what you can do to be a better teammate in the world and work towards that. We can’t all make it if we don’t work as a team. Life ain’t fair, that ain’t your fault, but it ain’t worth the ugliness to pretend it’s every man for himself.

Look, maybe it isn’t important to you to be a good human. Maybe you don’t think helping others is a priority. That’s between you, yourself and your maker.

All I’m saying is, being on a team works for everyone. It’s the best way to leave people and this Earth a better place.

Proud Mama

While living in Texas, I met a woman who who would change my life. She has become one of my closest friends and I consider both her and her family, my extended family. They became people that I knew I could turn to in Texas and I’d have a home to go to, which is really important to me. Texas never felt like my home but these people did.

I grew up in California and while my family I would say is more middle of the road in their belief system, Californians by nature are generally more left than right.

My Texas family definitely leans a lot more Republican in every sense of the system. They’re right of the middle.

And yet our differences are the perfect example of how to exist in a happy place of having different political beliefs but agreeing on a lot of the important social issues. More importantly, these are people that I know I can have respectful open discussion with and truly learn from each other.

Before I left Texas, my friend and I made a deal - I would go to her church with her if she promised to vote in 2020. Little did I know, she would begin a journey of committing herself to becoming more informed, educated and aware of the world around her in a way I had never planned on.

I want to make it clear, it is never my goal to change anyone. I think it’s important to have open dialogue in a supportive environment without judgment, but ultimately with the goal of informing, not changing. I don’t have everything figured out, I’ll never pretend to, but I want to share my experiences and views to encourage others to think differently.

That’s what she has done. She is the perfect example of staying committed to her deep faith but understanding that her faith doesn’t give her the right to control others or push that belief on others. She speaks passionately and is an incredible example of her Christian faith without being pushy. I greatly respect her ability to commit to her religion on this journey while expanding her horizons in the political and social space.

Abortion is generally frowned upon in Texas and in Christian religion. She is not a proponent of abortion and never will be. But she has recently come to understand that just because she would not choose that for herself, does not mean she has the right to tell someone else what to do with their own body. And I could cry.

I am a proud mama because she made that decision for herself. She researched, she talked to people, and she said this is what I believe and what works for me but I want to respect other humans in this world.

At work, she’s figuring out ways to be inclusive. Out of work, she’s reaching out to ask my opinion on current events and to clarify things she doesn’t understand. I don’t know the answer every time, but having her trust me enough on this journey means the world.

I write all of this to say, be more like my friend. No matter what “side” you are on, or what your belief system is, we could all stand to be more open to discussion, committed to educating ourselves, and care enough to put ourselves in the shoes of others. She is everything this world needs right now and inspires me to continue to challenge myself to think differently.

The Buddy System

With the high rates of depression and suicide in the news these days, the world has been encouraging each other to check up on people around us. And to really do it. To say “hey, are you ok?” and listen to that answer.

The more we show up for each other and truly listen to what we are saying, the more we are able to say “I’m here for you.” That’s a really powerful thing. We live in a time where people are more connected than ever but feeling lonelier than ever.

It’s also really easy to get caught up in our own lives. We are all busy trying to survive and thrive and that’s ok. It’s ok to know when you really need to be in the zone and focus on yourself.

Here’s what I’m finding though: when my team checks on me, I feel more accountability to check in with myself. It also forces me out of whatever hermit life I’ve sometimes sunken into and encourages me to engage. When people ask me how I’m doing and honestly want an answer, my heart grows times ten. I feel valued, respected, and heard.

The people in my life have really shown up for me in a buddy system way lately and I’m so grateful for it. I have lived so long as the one you don’t check up on. The one everybody knows is going to be ok. And while that may be very true, it does not mean I don’t struggle. The more my humans show up for me, the more I want to open up and share my life with them. It makes me feel safe, something I don’t often feel when it comes to sharing my life with others.

The point is, show up and create a buddy system. We all struggle. We all need that check in once in awhile to get through the dark times. Work with your inner core to get the phone tree going. Never let your people feel alone. Find a way to spend 5 minutes each day saying hey, I’m here for you, whatever you need.

Often times people don’t want to ask for help, or don’t know how. They may even beg off support. But we all need it. Whether that be delivering meals, sending a text, sitting with someone in silence, find a way to show up. Showing up is what matters.

Think of it like being a little kid. You had to have a buddy who you were responsible for. Ya;ll had to stick together and get each other through the day. This is what you’ve been training for. Stick with that buddy and get them through the day.

The Story.

Most everyone has people in their life that are the bad part of their story. A boss who is a jerk. An old partner who cheated. An abusive family member. A friend who broke our trust. But do you ever stop to think...

We are all the bad in someone else's story.

I certainly haven't and I'd like to think I'm a pretty conscientious human being.

Realistically it's true. There are people out in the universe who still pine for you, harbor anger for you, or resent you for a perceived wrong.

We are all someone's biggest regret, sworn enemy, or worst boss.

I'm not entirely sure what the motivation behind whomever said this quote was but for me it's about perspective. It's about reminding myself every situation in life has two people with two different perspectives on what transpired.

Reminding myself that perspective plays such a large role in every encounter, I am moved to be a little bit more compassionate and a little bit more in control of negative outbursts.

Being the bad part of someone else's story also reminds me that I have control over what controls me. There are people who the mere mention of their name gives me anxiety or heartache or anger. And that's on me. Just like for these people that hold the same emotions for me, the responsibility is on them to determine how long they want to allow those feels to control their lives.

We are all intertwined. Connected in ways we may not truly understand. The more you strive to be a better human, a responsible human (for yourself), and an aware human, the better juju we all have in each other's stories.

At the end of the day, you don't get to write the book for someone else. The character you play might not be one you'd like to portray, but its not yours to write. Good or bad, do your best to understand its not always yours to write.

Inspiration Everywhere

Today I want to celebrate the people in my world who inspire me.  I don't think we look around at the people in our world enough and give them credit for the role they play in our lives.  Certainly we get complacent in our routines and although we appreciate the humans that make up our tribe, we may not always consider why they're a constant force in our days.  

For the purpose of this blog - because you don't know any of these people, I'll use initials.  

GC (Friend) - GC passed in 2013 of breast cancer.  She inspires me everyday to never settle, take risks, and never stop laughing.

KH (My Aunt) - My aunt passed away in March of this year.  She was vivacious, passionate about giving back, and always treated you as if you were the most special person in the world.  She inspires me to be kinder.

CC (Friend) - CC is a friend I've known since we were little tiny sequins.  She is accomplished, constantly working on herself, and has recently committed herself to traveling the world.  She inspires me to cut people a break and to continue to put myself out there.  

KM (Friend) - KM is part of my girl tribe.  She lives life with an open heart.  She inspires me to let my guard down and keep my heart vulnerable.

JR (Friend) - JR is also part of my babe tribe.  She is a risk taker and an advocate.  She inspires me to be a strong woman and to take chances on my dreams.

BDS (Best Babes) - The BDS is my girl gang.  There are 5 of us.  These women are accepting, loving, supportive, and nonjudgmental.  They inspire me to love myself.

My Family - I have a large family.  We are all quite unique (thank goodness for that).  Each one inspires me in a different way but overall, these people inspire me to rely on others.  To never let myself be alone.

JK (Friend) - I met JK when I moved to Dallas.  She's a creative.  She's also in tune with her feelings.  She inspires me to not be ashamed of the way I feel.  And to talk about it more.  

DB (Friend) - DB and I met at work.  She celebrates everything.  She inspires me to celebrate more and to never need an occasion to make someone feel important.  

AO/SG - My Dallas work tribe. These women are brilliant, hardworking, kind people. They inspire me to keep learning and to never doubt my skill set. 

PH (My Cousin) - PH is my baby cousin. He recently lost his mom. He is the smartest person I know, the kindest and most loving family member. He inspires me to challenge myself in all the ways I’m afraid to challenge myself. 

KC (BFF) - KC can survive and thrive anywhere. He doesn’t judge. He doesn’t stress. He’s my hype man. He inspires me to know my worth.  

KW (Friend) - My Girl is fierce. She is the best mom. She works hard. She inspires me to be my authentic spicy sassy self because there’s nothing wrong with a bad ass woman with a big heart.  

Obviously there are A LOT of people who inspire me, not all listed here.  The point is, I'm surrounded by some incredible human beings.  

Do yourself a favor and think critically about why the people in your world exist there.  It will give you a greater appreciation for the real ones, and potentially a way to cut the ones loose who don't deserve your time.  Who inspires you everyday?

Great Loss, Again

I recently lost my aunt to cancer.  She is not the first person I've lost and I know she will not be the last.  

I don't grieve in the most traditional way.  I'm not big on crying.  I never really break down.  But I still feel loss greatly.

I get angry, I get numb, I pull away.  I need time alone.  

And then I need to refocus.  I refocus on living my best life.  I refocus on the motivation that keeps me on my nontraditional journey.

For me - the best way to celebrate the ones I love, is to go out and be the best version of me, to never give up on my dreams, and to never waste a second missing out on great adventure.  

I'll never understand why good people are taken so soon.  And I've  sort of stopped trying to understand.  Unfortunately, none of it is within my control.  The only thing I can do, is honor them by keeping them with me and never letting anyone forget the greatness they brought into my world and the world around them.

My aunt was vibrant, adventurous, smart, kind, gorgeous, the best mom, a loving wife, the most supportive aunt - and the world lost an incredible soul the moment she was taken.  I am crushed by her loss.  But I will continue to adventure, never settle, and spread my sparkle in her honor.

The Reason for the Season

I'm so basic when it comes to the Holiday season, I can't stand me either.  I'm a sucker for the glitz, the cheer, the food - everything.  And while I may not be religious - I'll never forget the reason for the season is gratitude.

Gratitude for a time to reset, a time to be with the ones you love, and time for appreciating the possibilities of the future.

It's pretty true the Holidays are quite Hallmark.  But this is probably the one time that I couldn't care less.

So much of life is a hustle.  It's a routine of work hard, work harder, find time for fun, sleep, and repeat.  Having an entire season dedicated to finding time to slow down and believing in magic is something we can all afford to let consume us a bit.

I am grateful for the time off, the extra time spent with my family and friends, and the extra sparkle in the world.

Whatever the reason for your season - I hope it brings you joy and I hope you have the best Holiday season - whatever that means to you!

Lucky Charms

I've always been a wild card.  As I've gotten older, I haven't been tamed.  There have been many people along the way who have tried to tone me down - to make me feel badly for who I am.  And then there was my Gammie.  Gammie was the one person who never told me I was too much.  She never tried to change who I am.  Instead, my Gammie used to tell me how proud she was.  She encouraged my dreams, she had patience with my wild ways, and she always made me feel like I'm special for who I am instead of ashamed for who I am not.

My Gammie is my angel.  She's my lucky charm.  Fittingly, her birthday is also St. Patrick's Day.  She passed away in 2008 while I was holding her hand - and has not left my side since.  I have vivid dreams of her and I talk to her when I'm scared.  I ask for her support when I need faith.  In every major milestone since she left - I know she's been there.  She's left me signs, visited my dreams, and makes sure that I know she's watching me and rooting for me every single step on my path.  She's a big part of why I feel so confident in my nontraditional journey, because I'm not really ever alone.

Today is St. Patrick's Day - Gammie's birthday.  And although she's not physically here - I'll always take time to celebrate the woman that has never let me fall.  I never got the opportunity to truly express my appreciation and love for the woman who showed me strength and kindness can coexist.  She taught me a woman is whomever and whatever she wants.  She was the classiest woman I have ever known and showed me that the best revenge is to quietly be the best you can possibly be. To always give back to those in need without hesitation.  And she taught me the value of family. 

So today - a day about luck and believing in magic - I will celebrate all that my lucky charm is to me and all that she has empowered me to be. 

I hope whoever your lucky charms are, you take the time to tell them and love them and celebrate the hell out of who they are and how they make you feel.  Lucky Charms really are magic, and they're not easy to come by.  Don't ever take that for granted.

SANTA IS COMING! 2 DAYS!

I WILL NOT CALM DOWN!  I get it.  He's kind of scary.  He breaks into your house, eats your cookies, drinks your milk, calls everyone a ho and then leaves footprints on the floor.  That's kiiiind of rude right?  But listen - HE LEAVES YOU PRESENTS.

As I already did a piece on Christmas and what it means to me, I'm utilizing this blog as a bit of a challenge to my readers (Seriously, are any of you still following my blog or is it just my family?  Thank God I have a large family...). 

Christmas is for magic and kindness and miracles and so my challenge to you is to take time this week to believe in the impossible.  Let go of your stresses and insecurities, commit to believing you can achieve anything and that the thing you think can't happen - WILL. 

Set aside your work, put down your gadgets and be present.  Listen to the people around you, smile at strangers, engage in meaningful relationships.  Reset your mind and your spiritual space and just be in the moment

I challenge you to gain perspective, to consider things from another point of view, to commit a random act of kindness.  Be 5 again, believe in magic, pretend the world hasn't made you hard, and take in the enchantment that is the Holiday season. 

If you allow yourself to utilize these days for a larger purpose - I promise you will come out happier, healthier, and ready to rock 2017. 

#SparkleOn

Dogs are People Too.

If you don't love dogs, you have no soul.  You're scientifically dead inside.  Dogs are the only creatures in the world that love you more than they love themselves.  They're always ready to celebrate the smallest things.  They just want to eat, snuggle, and play.  Dogs are people too, but more like better people than we are.

I've grown up in a family with dogs.  And my family treats our dogs like family members, because they are.  Our dogs go on vacation with us, we spend ridiculous amounts of money on their food, healthcare, and toys - and they sleep in our beds.  My mom has told me many times the dog is the favorite child - and I get it.  I've skyped with my dog, I have photos of my dog up in the house, if I have to leave my dog with someone for the weekend I text that person 1 billion times a day to check on him.  Because dogs are people too.

When I'm sick - my dog lays with me.  When I'm sad my dog licks my tears (JK guys I don't have feelings).  When I am stoked - my dog cheers too.  I celebrate his birthday, he has a girlfriend (Shout out to Lily in Scottsdale we miss you!), I will contort my body in bed rather than disturb his dreaming.  Because dogs are people too.

My family and I have spent thousands of dollars on our dogs.  When they need medical care, we don't even consider not getting them what they need.  We research the best foods and toys and treats and we spend the money to buy the best of the best.  My dog eats a grain free protein based diet - he literally has a healthier lifestyle than I do.  I walk him 1-2 miles a day to ensure he stays active and healthy.  If he sneezes, I panic.  I once took him to the vet because I thought he was dying - he had gas.  I spent $600 at the pet emergency room for the puppy flu.  Because dogs are people too. 

When I don't want to be social.  When I'm sad.  When I'm needing comfort - I want to be around all the dogs.  Dogs don't talk back.  They don't judge you. They just unconditionally love you. You're not drinking alone when you have a dog.  Dogs go to heaven because if I get to heaven and mine aren't all there - that is hell.  Dogs are people too.  And if you ever try to tell me that they aren't - I hate you, you're wrong and you're dead to me.

PS - ADOPT DONT SHOP!  Support your local SPCA, animal shelter, rescue organization and save a puppy life or 100! #AdoptDontShop