What's your value?

I have always been an overachiever. I do too much. All day, everyday.

When sports ended, I put that energy into work. And now that I’ve decided I don’t want to give my all to work anymore, I’ve struggled with what my value is.

Who am I when I am not overachieving? What do I bring to the table if I’m not trying to be the best at everything?

For a while I didn’t think I had value outside of those things. I thought that’s all I was.

Truth is, I’m also funny, kind, loyal, fun, adventurous and so many other things. I bring so much to the table that has nothing to do with overachieving at things.

And to be honest, what I do for a living, it’s the least interesting thing about me.

My value outside of overachieving has more to do with how I love myself and how I make others feel.

So I’ve focused more on overachieving in LIFE. In the things that really matter. I put that do too much energy into time with the people I love, travel, fitness — things that bring me joy.

And I’m working really hard at remembering that matters more than anything else, creating a full overachieved LIFE.

At the end of it all, as cliche as it is, nobody cares or remembers the meetings they crushed or the projects they nailed. We remember the times we spent with people we love and enjoying the things we are passionate about.

I know most of you are probably sitting here thinking, this is basic life stuff, nothing profound about it!

It’s profound for me, and a lot of folks like me. We are taught to be the best for so long at sports and school and work that we don’t understand the normal way of living. We don’t know how to prioritize things that don’t lead to awards and scholarships and promotions.

Learning to live and enjoy LIFE is new. And it feels counterproductive and goes against everything we’ve ever been taught. It’s a lot to unlearn.

So if you’re like me, give yourself a shot at living life to its fullest. In overachieving at the stuff that fills you up. Start small. It might mean doing something each day that doesn’t contribute to your job. Do a puzzle, grab a coffee with a friend, get a workout in doing something you love doing, cook a healthy meal. The point is to select something that brings you joy, but it’s not something you can “win.” Do it because it’s enjoyable and makes you feel good.

Go ahead and challenge yourself to keep on overachieving — but only at the things that really matter.

Career Journey, Pivot

My entire life has been about overachieving. When my athletic career ended, I focused my overachieving on my career. And ever since I entered the workforce in 2007, my focus has been to do more.

Recently, I realized how tired I am and how little a title means to me. I am still committed to excellence and I will always take pride in being good at what I do, but I want more out of life than a title.

Instead of looking at what’s next. What title, what company, I’m more focused on what job affords me the most joy. Money matters because my life is expensive, but only to a point that I have the time and space to spend the money experiencing life.

It’s such an incredible shift for me to not care about that next title. I truly could not care less about what I’m called. I want to be challenged, I want growth, I want to be paid what I’m worth and then I want to have the space to create boundaries.

Boundaries are what allow me to thrive at work and in my personal life.

I spent so many years without boundaries. Work was my priority. I set aside a lot of joy to push myself at work. And it hasn’t necessarily paid off. Sure, I’ve held some incredible roles at some big companies. But it hasn’t necessarily put me ahead of my peers. A lot of getting ahead is about who you know and being strategic. Hard work doesn’t always translate to success.

I would absolutely call myself successful in my career, but I would also caution not to idolize my grind because of what I gave up to get where I’ve been.

At this point in my life, I’m taking a pivot to joy. If what I’m doing isn’t bringing me joy most days, I’m leaving. If the environment I’m in is more stressful and unhealthy than not, I’m leaving. And I’m running to places that provide me what I need in life - joy. Joy, respect for boundaries and places I can have most of it all.

There is no having it all, but you can have most of it.

I’m not sure what’s next or what all this sudden change of heart is going to lead to. But for the first time in my life, I’m ok with that.

110% x 2

I can never give less than 200% on anything. I’m not a casual do anything type of human. If I’m not jumping all in, I’m out.

Awhile back I spoke about realizing that not everyone is me. I took that to heart. At work I am especially type A and am far above and beyond 110% max effort. It’s not always a good thing as I can absolutely blur the lines of giving too much to the job.

When I wrote about learning to acknowledge that not everyone operates at the same level, I was very much in a state of constant stress and anxiety because I was unable to effectively cope with other people who don’t work hard.

It was physically and mentally taking a toll on my health and I had to stop. So I did. I changed my focus, I set boundaries, and I have chosen to step away from anything that isn’t serving me in a positive way.

The truth is - there are a lot of people who exist in the bare minimum, whether they realize it or not. And that’s ok. If you’re meeting the requirements of your job, the rest is none of my business. Honestly, even if you’re not, that’s also none of my business if I am not your boss.

I inherently want people to step it up because I know they have the ability to be better. So I can easily become frustrated when people, teams, and companies are not meeting the level of excellence possible with effort. That’s exactly what happened.

I’m the one who speaks up. To leadership and to my team to say don’t you want to be the best? Don’t you want to challenge yourself and hold yourself accountable for more? But here is the critical line you have to draw - if people do not want to go there, or if leadership is not pushing everyone to that place - it is not your responsibility to keep pushing.

So I stopped. I stopped speaking up. I started focusing on my own efforts and future goals and I’ve decided to stay in my lane. Where I belong.

I cannot control anyone but myself. Any efforts to deviate from that are only putting me in an unhealthy place. And that’s not worth it. I am an overachiever. I am good at what I do. And my company is lucky to have me. That is what my focus needs to be.

It has taken me a really long time to get this through my head.

Like years and years. Because everywhere you go, that’s how life and work operate. There are those who give it their all, and those who are simply there to get a paycheck. If it’s not your company, if you are not the boss — it is not your responsibility to force anyone to jump up a level. It’s simply not.

I know that some of my colleagues past and present have felt that same frustration. I think we all have a level of complaining that we do to each other in order to cope. And that’s ok. But again, focus on what is healthy. The controllable. Harness your energies for spaces you can affect in a positive way. And forget the rest.

Life in the type A space - like the extreme type A space - it’s frustrating. I think that’s why a lot of former athletes struggle after sports. We don’t know anything but competing to be better. We simply don’t know how to stop holding ourselves and others accountable for that.

But at some point, for your health and others — you’ve got to realize not everyone is you, and that is ok. The team sport becomes an individual race, and you can still push yourself. I hope that you do in fact. Yet remember, becoming the best you, that means learning to harness your energies for good and not becoming a negative influence on yourself or others.