A lot of men from my past have recently inserted themselves into my present. Initially I thought it was because of the fabulous woman I've grown into in my 30's. But the more I think about it, the more I think it's because I'm one of the last single unicorns.
They say men mature at a slower rate than women. They don't tend to want to settle down until their mid thirties. Because of that, I think when they hit that age, they start looking around at who's available. And when they do, they start to see the women they knew in the past in a different light.
Quite frankly, you can be the best catch in the world, but if a man isn't ready, it's not going to happen. I've always been a unicorn. Sure, I've had times that I needed to grow through in order to be a good partner, but I am and always have been, a great woman.
Now that the men folk are in their prime marriage phase, they're seeing the catch that I am too. And while that's flattering, a part of me resents the fact that they're just now realizing this.
I live in the camp that if you didn't see how wonderful I was before, I'm not sure you deserve the new and improved even better version that I've grown into.
But there is another camp - one that says I'm potentially missing out on a really great man because I'm too stubborn to issue a second chance.
I get that. And for some men, I think a second chance is okay. If a man has been someone important in my life as a friend and the timing has just been off, that's a man who deserves a chance.
But the man who had his chance before and simply wasn't mature enough, or didn't realize what he had, that's not the man for me. Old habits die hard. And that's not timing, that's who you are.
The one consistent is that no matter who reappears back in my life, in order to stay, you need to treat me as I deserve to be treated.
Something I've been working on in therapy is understanding that I deserve to be pursued. Because I'm a very confident woman who lacks shyness, I'm often the pursuer. I don't want to play games and I don't have the patience for the dance. So I'm usually the one to say let's try this out. But when that becomes a pattern and the man doesn't step up to initiate anything, I become bored and turned off very quickly.
So as these men come back into the picture, or look to turn a friendship into more, I'm looking to see how much effort they're willing to put into that. It's really easy to slip into the DM's or send a text. What else are you going to do to show me you mean what you're throwing into the universe?
And you know what I've found? I think a lot of these men are just hitting an age when they're looking for the last unicorn, but they might not be ready to put the effort in to catch her. I'm also learning, they might not have the guts to really put themselves out there. And some even throw their feelings out there at a time when they're not even romantically available to do so.
Certainly that's not the case for them all. I'm not of the team that thinks all men are bad. That all the good ones are taken or gay. I know a lot of really good men.
A lot of this goes back to dating in our generation. It's that swipe right, text not call, keep it convenient generation. The expectations for each other are low. The options, an app away. So I think a lot of the lazy dating world we live in happens out of habit. We haven't been forced to put the effort in.
But that doesn't mean you have to settle. Wait for the one who shows you that you're worth the phone calls, the big gestures, and the time it takes to invest into the real deal. Being a unicorn means you're special. You're a woman of worth. The more you believe that, the more you demand the people around you are of the same value, the more they'll treat you as such.
Being a unicorn is hard. Not everyone sees how special you are. Not everyone will be deserving of your light. Be okay with that. Be okay with being your own unicorn until the right one can match your sparkle.