Strong Sever.

As I get older, I am becoming the master of the strong sever.  That is - I am quick to end the games and cut someone out of my life.  From friendships to business to romance, I do not have time nor interest to play games.

There is obviously a bit of game play to everything in life.  There's holding back information, negotiating deals, and studying the other players in order to determine how to move forward.  That's not the game play I'm concerned about.  I'm speaking to the unnecessary games people play.  The recruiter who asks you what you've earned in previous roles.  The guy you're talking to who waits three days to call you back.  The friend who only calls you when they need something.  These people are beneath you and they are not worth your time.

I said it.  You're out of their league.  Do not settle for anyone, anything, any job/relationship/friend who plays these games with you.  Cut them off, wish them luck, move on.

The biggest source of stress and anxiety for most people is the company they keep and the relationships they have within their lives.  And the most control you have in any given situation - is to choose who you allow into your world.  If someone is playing games with you, beat them at it and simply remove them from your arena. 

For me - I've spent too much time in my personal life allowing men and some friends to play games with my heart and soul.  Specifically, I allow the benefit of the doubt far too many times.  I make excuses, I lean towards the assumption that all humans are good people with honest intentions.  And quite frankly, it's something I've allowed to affect my confidence and my sanity far too many times.

Realistically these people are not all bad people.  They're just not in a place to grow up and handle relationships in a respectful way.  And that's ok.  We have all been there.  More than once.

But in order to keep your sanity - you've got to let them go.  And truly let them go.  Don't stalk them on social media.  Do not drunk text them.  Do not get lonely or bored and open up the door to the relationships that broke you.  

People change, and maybe in the future you can have a successful healthy friendship or relationship.  But you teach people how they should treat you.  You show people what you will allow them to do to you.  Set your own standards and stay true to them.  

Standard cliché time?  Life really is far too short.  The world is far too large.  Don't waste time on the people who are willing to play games with you.  Whether you believe you come back or go to heaven or simply cease to exist - you really truly get one shot at this thing you're in right now and every second spent in misery, is one second you'll never get back.

The Art of Never Growing Up

I love glitter.  Sparkles make me smile.  I dress up at work on Halloween.  I went to Disneyland by myself once because my friend didn't want to go.  Finding Nemo is one of my favorite movies of all time.  I am also successful in my career.  I pay my own bills.  I take my vitamins and cook my own meals.  But at heart, I am a child.

And I hope I never grow up.

Life is really hard and really serious.  Between work pressure, paying endless bills, violence, relationships, the state of politics - I honestly don't know how we all don't lose our shit on a daily basis.  

My way of staying sane in a chaotic world is to remember how awesome it was to be a kid.  It's to never be too adult to have a good time.  And it's certainly not to ever become so wrapped up in the idea of being grown up to have fun.

I think there's a really fine line between immature and someone who doesn't take themselves too seriously.  And it takes work to juggle having fun and being able to flip the switch to business Barbie.  But as long as you're handling your responsibilities and exceeding expectations - there is absolutely nothing wrong with having a good time.

I've absolutely been told to grow up on many occasions.  That I'm too old to do this or like that.  That to be taken seriously I need to be serious more often.  I find that extremely ignorant.  I don't trust anyone who doesn't know how to have a little fun and remember that for most of us - we aren't saving lives.

The most creative and innovative people I know recognize the art of play, laughter, and being a kid again.  Without the ability to think outside of the box, relax the suit and tie, or laugh at yourself - you're really wasting happiness.  I also think you're not maximizing your career potential if you're too serious.  If you're not willing to look like an idiot - you're missing out on a lot of the best business opportunities.

Before you tell me to grow up - think about learning to loosen up and high five your inner kid.  I promise you'll gain a lot fuller life if you do. 

Time is a Choice

We all have the same 24 hours in a day.  Not one single human being gets 25 hours or 14 hours.  We all get 24 hours and that's it.  No more, no less.  How you choose to spend that time is up to you. 

Seriously.  Stop making excuses or saying you have to do something.  Whether it be work, appointments, who you spend your time with, that's a choice.  You can always choose to make a change.  You can always choose who you give your moments to.

I get it.  Some things you legit have to do (thanks smart ass).  You have to go to the doctor.  Get your car fixed.  But realistically 98% of the things you do, they're a choice.

We are all important.  But I think a lot of us get trapped into warped levels of importance.  I've always had jobs that have long hours.  And I've missed a lot of life events, put my health at risk, allowed personal relationships to be put on the back burner.  And for a really long time, I used that as an excuse.   Ultimately, missing these things, missing time with people - those were choices I made.

Of course there are times when work does prevent you from being somewhere.  And sometimes you're tired - but if you find yourself saying no or I can't to things really often - you're making a conscious choice to prioritize certain things and put others on the back burner.  And that's ok.

It's ok as long as you own what you're doing as a choice.  Your priorities are your own to make.  But making excuses, claiming you have to do something, that's not owning up to the reality of being a grown up. 

Being a grown up means realizing that time is a choice, a really precious choice, and how you choose to spend your time is incredibly personal.  But pretending that your time is anymore important, any less of a choice - thank anyone else - well its BS and its insulting to the people around you.

Time is limited.  How you choose to spend your limited time is something you should think critically about.  Get strategic and focused. Dedicate the most time to you and those closest to you.  Choosing where and how you spend your time is choosing joy.  And choosing to accept that there's no excuses for your unhappiness, no excuses for never seeing someone, and no excuses for not getting things done. 

You have the same 24 hours a day that everyone else has.  You don't care about their excuses so why are you listening to yours?

Professionalism

In the workplace, you are bound to come across people that are hard to work with.  People you may not like at all.  But part of growing up, excelling in your career, is learning to avoid the drama, and be the bigger person.

Whether you're 22 or 42 - the best skill you can have as a professional is professionalism.  The ability to separate yourself from those who succumb to the immaturity and the drama, that's such a skill in the world. 

Throughout my years as a boss babe, I've certainly fallen into the trap of letting the drama get to me and participating in the madness.  But as I've grown and advanced, I'm developed a bit of an artistry towards handling these less than ideal situations.

Let's talk how to develop and maintain that kind of mentality. 

Mind your own business.

First and foremost, work is not a social community.  It's important to have good working relationships and even to maintain strong friendships with a select few of your coworkers, but work is a business.  Your number one purpose is to do what you were hired to do, develop your skills, and contribute to the success of your company.  That's it.  When drama is happening around you, when you hear the gossip, the immature behavior, do not engage.  Mind your own business.

Learn the art of the brush off.

Chances are, at some point, someone is going to try to pull you into the spectacle.  Learn to artfully comment on the situation without taking sides and make it clear you're uninterested in involving yourself.  Don't get sucked in.  Remind yourself that your number one role is to spend your time doing your job.  I you're constantly finding yourself approached by the office drama queen (or king) - be slow to respond, continue emailing, be uninterested.  The art of the brush off is being able to get the point across that you're not interested in joining the circus without having to blatantly say "go away you're the worst."

The rule of words.

I have a rule that I live by at work.  I don't say anything to anyone that I wouldn't want to be said to someone else.  I own every single thing I say about someone and to someone because I've been careful about how I speak to other people and about other people.  I've put my foot in my mouth in the past and had to own up to things I should not have ever said.  And that's not a good feeling nor a good professional look.  Think before you speak, keep personal feelings out of it, and remember that business is not the place to regret what you say.

Keep your goals in mind.

The person who gets promoted, who excels in the work place - is the person who does not engage in the theatrics of petty behavior.  In 2017, company culture is a priority and if you're catty, gossiping, and constantly speaking about others in a negative way - you're not promoting a positive culture.  No matter how good you are at your job, if you create a disruption in the company culture, you will be fired.  Your value is not greater than the good of the company.  Constantly put your professional goals at the forefront.  Your competition is yourself.  Develop your plan with your manager and focus on that plan.  Leave everyone else out of it.

Find your zen.

It's not always easy to bush off the drama.  Sometimes it's difficult to deal with and harder to ignore.  It's stressful, it's unpleasant, and unfortunately - it happens.  When it does - find your zen.  Take a walk, listen to music, text a friend.  Do whatever you have to do to disengage from the situation and refocus back to your goals.  We all slip up, we all succumb to the pressure sometimes - but being able to step back and get out of it before any real damage occurs is what separates the amaturs and the professionals.

Professionalism is so important to a successful career.  As a manager, if you're not displaying a high level of professionalism and working to better your skills in this area, I'm not going to invest myself in you.  You are not the future of the organization and quit frankly, you're not going anywhere in life until you grasp this.  Professionalism takes a lot of self reflection and commitment to growth.  You will never stop developing this talent.  22 or 42, it's your greatest asset and you should consistently be looking to take it to the next level.  Don't ever let yourself forget that work is a business, it's not a social setting and it's not high school.  Save the shenanigans for your personal life because the professional world doesn't care.

Squad Goals.

I'm 31.  And for some reason I think that makes me old and wise.  Like 95 and lived it all old and wise.  Because of that - I like to share my knowledge with ya'll as if its the law of physics. 

Today, we will learn about #SquadGoals.  For those of you not as hip as me - the squad is the friendship group you keep.  I'm actually not sure if the kids are still saying squad, but they should. 

At 21 - the squad goals revolve around being seen with the coolest people, knowing the right people who can get you free table service and really just being seen at the right places.  It's a lot of work to maintain that lifestyle and the squad is ever changing due to drama and the hierarchy.  One wrong move and you're demoted to a less awesome squad and really what else is there to live for?

At 31 - the squad goals revolve around being with the most positive real people, knowing they've got your back, and being with people you can sit on your couch getting wine wasted with and feel at ease. 

I'm a really big fan of squad goals at 31.  I'm already an anxious person - I don't need to be worrying about where I stand in the squad, if I've been seen enough on a weekend, and who I need to suck up to in order to stay relevant.  Now let's not get it twisted - in my day I was really good at the free table service, doing the celebrity pro athlete casual "I hang with so and so" thing (vomit), and always the last one to leave the party - but today - I am not that person - and I love that.

My squad now is what makes me a better person.  They're teaching me its ok to be vulnerable.  They call me on my bullshit.  They support me fiercely.  These are the people that are my family.  And they're worth more than a night at the club at the best table any day of the week.  I think the even cooler thing is a lot of these people knew me at my 20s hot mess (but still sparkly) phase and they still think I rock. 

At 31 - I want stability.  I crave loyalty.  I thrive on positivity. And the people I consider my squad embody these things.  They're the realest of the real and I couldn't want anything more. 

My squad consists of the people I sit on the couch with drinking wine and pinteresting with.  They're the people who know I need Taco Bell sometimes and as disgusting as that is - they're in the passenger seat ordering tacos for everyone.  They're the friends who know I am 100% down for brunch but don't ask me to go somewhere at 10PM because I'm already in my onesie snuggling my puppy.  And they are the best humans that can tell when I'm not ok and force themselves on me because they care that much. 

Squad Goals at 31 are my cheerleaders, my judge and jury, my perfectly imperfect people I could never live without.  Maybe we aren't the coolest (lies), the most on the scene (Is the dog park a scene?), or hanging out with celebrities (right, like they can even compare) every night - but we are real and doing our best in this world to just figure it all out.  And when you've got a good gang to do that with - that's true #SquadGoals.

Birthday Babe

TOMORROW IS MY BIRTHDAY!  EVERYBODY PANIC!  BUY ALL THE GIFTS!  THROW ALL THE GLITTER!

Tomorrow I'll be 31 years old!  What a journey these past 31 years have been!  Getting older is absolutely terrifying and amazing at the same time.  I spent a really long time unsure of who I was, constantly trying to be whatever perfect is, and I am so thankful that today I am finally loving the woman I have become. 

You could say I'm a late bloomer in that I took longer to choose a career path (I'm still holding out for Disney Princess), I spent years dating the wrong men (the last guy is the one who finally kicked the habit for me), and I hated my body instead of celebrating all the insane things its done for me (thank you track booty).  But here I am.  31 and I feel like my dreams are just starting to come true. 

A Plan for the Plan

I am Type A.  I am a control freak.  I'll make a list with an item on it that includes a plan to make another list.  I don't just have a plan B, I've got a plan A-Z prepared with addendums for each.  This is all wonderful for my career as an event planner but in life, its the biggest burden.

Since I can remember I've had a plan for my life.  I was going to go to a D1 school, run track, graduate in 4 years, attend law school, be married at 22, kids by 25.  I was going to be a sports agent.  Married to an athlete.  The problem with life is that it rarely follows your plan.  And I'm so very thankful for that.   

I did go to college, I ran D1 track and I graduated in four.  But that was the only part of the plan I checked off.  In between those four years I endured injuries and illnesses that kept me from competing, let alone at a level that contributed to my team's successes (Shoutout to my Aggies!).  I experienced violence, loss, silent struggles - and they changed who I am.  I began to see how little I could actually plan for.  Life showed me the only thing I can plan for is how to adapt.  So I graduated - and I learned something - I'm a lot different than I was when I made that plan.  I didn't want to go to law school, didn't want to be a sports agent.  I was nowhere near wanting to be married or thinking about kids.  I was 21 and I wanted to make a new plan.  And since then - my plan has evolved, I've evolved, and I've learned to let go of the plan a little bit more with each adventure.

Fast forward, I'm 30.  I'm not in a serious relationship, I'm not having kids, and I'm in the middle of a huge risk in my career path.  I'm the opposite of the plan.  And that's both really scary and really exciting.  At 21 I was unsure of myself, of my career path, and had no business thinking about marriage.  So at 30 its great to be in a place that I like where I'm at, where I'm headed, and most importantly, I really like myself.  

So ladies (and gents), I applaud you if you are 21, married, and happy.  I applaud you if you're 42, single, and happy.  I applaud you if you're 22 and in your dream job and I applaud you if you're 65 and going back to school. The point of it all, is be happy.  Don't plan so much.  Enjoy the twists in your plot.  I'm still going to make plans and lists - but I'll be more okay when I have to abandon those plans for the next adventure.  Because as much and I'm terrified of the unknown - I'm equally as excited to go on my next journey, wherever that may be.

This is 30.

I've taken 30 really seriously.  It's as if the day I turned 30 I associated myself with being an adult responsible for the rest of the world.  It's irrational, absurd, and absolutely my personality. 

I often say "I can't do that, I'm 30."  Or "I should be doing this, I'm 30."  It makes no sense, I'm no more mature than I was at 29, but for some reason - its an age that resonates with me.  I would like to share with you some of the things I think I can and cannot do now that I'm 30, because its funny - and laughter is my favorite.

• I can't go out two nights in a row and if we are going out tomorrow I need a nap first
• That kid is like 12
• Well I had wine at dinner so I need to stick with wine and can you get me some water to chug in between?
• Shots?  You want to take shots?  Why don't I just lay in the middle of the street instead and let a bunch of cars run me over.
• Why are all women wearing shorts that show their butts?  Cover up your special parts mam.
• What's your healthcare package look like?
• My back hurts.  My knees hurt. I think I pulled a hamstring walking up those stairs.
• How much fiber is in this?
• What kind of vitamins do you take?
• What does on fleek mean?  Am I saying that right?  Did I use it correctly?
• Why are these kids so loud?  Turn your music down its 10:00.
• My entire body hurts from dancing at that wedding last night.
• Are we going to date or what?  I don't have time to play coy and do that whole "talking thing."
• I'm an adult if I want to have wine for dinner I damn well can
• Day drinking is God's gift to 30 year olds.  You drink during the day and go to sleep by 8.  And then you wake up the next day hangover free
• Should I be married with kids by now?  *Hears crying child* Never mind.
• When I was in college...
• Oh you don't want to file papers?  You're 12, you just graduated college, earn your place child.
• I have heartburn
• Hey that guys cute - he's 18?  Awesome, I'm a pedophile.
• It's midnight?  I need to go home.  I should be in bed.
• Going out is now going to dinner and going home
• Refuses to drink well or house anything

Let's all take a moment to remember the Ashley in her 20's.  The woman who now seems like a judgmental cranky 90 year old and who used to go to Vegas every day, religiously participate in Sunday Funday, and who you've all watched puke and rally.  May she rest in peace.