World Peace.

Sometimes when I blog, I consider not talking about things.  A lot of what I talk about is relevant to what I'm going through at any given time.  And because of that, there are people that are most likely able to discern I am talking about them.  What I have to say, is not always flattering.  

So I often stop to reflect - is what I'm saying truthful?  Is it respectful?  And does it provide a greater lesson?  If it does - I'm going to say it.  

At the root of what I believe - as long as I'm doing no harm - I vow to be authentic and transparent in what I have to share with you.  Does that always make me the most popular person in the room?  No.  But this isn't high school, and I'm not campaigning for prom queen.

Some of you could even use a hot dose of a blog about you.  And some of you are wondering - "is she writing about me?"  Whether I am or not - chances are, if you relate to what I'm saying, if you worry the negative pieces could be about you - they probably are in some way speaking about you.

Again - one of those "Ashley, what the hell are you talking about?  Where are you going with this?  Did you pop the bubbly too much this week?"  The answer is - I'm not here for world peace.  I'm a good person, I'm not out to actively hurt anyone, but I'm at a point in my life where I can't afford not to say it.  

A lot of you do inspire me with things you say or do.  My relationships in life give me great revelations and enormous sources of content for my writing.  And I'm going to talk about it because a lot of us experience the same things and are too afraid to ask each other about how that made us feel/act/react/move forward/live life.  

My purpose in my blogging is to have the frank conversations - to not hold back.  And while it's early in my game, and I've got a lot more developing to do - I want you to know, world peace be damned - I'm gonna say the shit you're all thinking, and I'm hoping you'll say it with me.

Rainbows and Unicorns

I've had a lot of people lately tell me that they've always assumed I've lived this perfect life.  A life where everything is unicorns and rainbows.  They assume I've been blessed with it all and that's why I'm such a happy person who talks about glitter and sparkles nonstop. 

And those observations have blown me away.  My life is not perfect.  I do not have it all.  My family isn't perfect.  I am not perfect.  But what I am proud of is that in spite of it all - I radiate sparkles and glitter.

I'm not generally one to talk about the hard times and the problems.  But they're there.  This last year has been the absolute most painful and challenging year of my life.  I have felt completely broken, lost, scared, and unsure of the future. 

I haven't talked about it with a lot of people.  But I'm learning to talk.  And I'm learning to ask for help.  I'm learning how to say I'm not okay.  I'm still not going to share all my trials and tribulations with the world.  My struggles and my triumphs are to be endured and celebrated with the people who mean the most to me. 

However, in an effort to be real and to be a source of relatable engagement for you, I want you to know that I have lived far from a life of unicorns and rainbows.  I have not been gifted an easy life.  And I don't ever want anyone thinking that I have.  But I also won't ever apologize for choosing to focus on the good.  When I suffer, I do so privately.  I pick and choose what I share with the world because I truly believe the biggest moments of your life aren't for the world to see.  They're for you and your chosen circle to handle together.  The good and the bad.  And then you go out into the world and you fight to make it sparkle. 

I don't want to put my negative and hard times out there not because I'm faking my happiness - because I choose to actually live happy.  To believe that in spite of hard times, life is pretty dang good.  Life isn't easy and its often painful.  You can't control what happens to you but what's the point of dwelling on the negative?  How do you expect to have a good life if you don't focus on the good? 

My life will never be rainbows and unicorns.  And I don't need to explain the things I've gone through.  It's not a contest and it doesn't make me anymore human.   I don't feel the need to justify my attitude.  What does make me human is admitting my life isn't easy.  And saying so what - life isn't meant to be easy.  If you always assumed I was this perfect human handed the golden ticket - then I'm doing something right - because the golden ticket is choosing joy, choosing sparkle, and choosing the energy you put into the world. 

#SparkleOn